Seriously 2023

December 31, 2023

We’ve come around again. So what happened? Well…

January: TCM

– Go away already, bat flu!
– So much coughing
– …
– …

February: Fletcher

– I guess I’ll say a few words
– Just what is a life well lived anyway?
– I’ll cook things for Lent
– I baked focaccia!
– Damn it’s warm outside

March: On Hold

– Los Angeles gets snow but we don’t?!
– Horizon Forbidden West
– Wish it would tell me which machine is hostile like predecessor
– Chia seeds are a great egg substitute

April: Drafts

– Orange Thing is getting arrested!
– Bingeing His Dark Materials series during Holy Week!
– Throw together something resembling an Easter feast
– That came in just in time.
– Legislatures pulling anti-trans dipshittery again.

May: Mage

– Guess I’ll replay Final Fantasy 7
– I’m forty now?!
– Korean BBQ
– Did the Nats finally actually win the Star Wars game? Yay!
– Hmm, no more new shows for a while with writer’s strike.
Target Pride is Satan?!

June: Picnic Leftovers

– Oh, shit, do I have Covid again?!
– Nope, just an ordinary cold.
– What the fuck is going on with… outside?
– The wildfire smoke is making everything all sepia toned.
– AwesomeCon!
– Let’s fix this place up a bit and reflect
– Buy out Bed Bath & Beyond before closing
– Oh, look, Supreme Court is setting us back decades again
– You keep saying “free speech”. I don’t think it means what you think it means.

July: Over Five Pounds

– S’mores brownies!
– Wait, what?
– Ah, fuck, not a pinched nerve again!
– I guess I’ll just lie still and watch The Orville
– Justice for Topa!

August: Time Zones

– What’s in storage?
– What do you mean USWNT lost in the first round?!
– You’re supposed to be the not-useless ones!
– Bingo
– Bazaar is back.

September: Shady Trees

– Final season of Disenchantment
– Except not really because we all know Matt Groening shows do not end nor should they.
– So many tight deadlines…
– What an awful picture.
– Hurry up and get here and thaw.
– Am I doing this or what?
– I should visit.
– #28 Meant to Live

October: Custard Power

– Did I just lose almost two years of progress?
– What do you mean reorganization?!
– Oh, goddamnit, Israel and Palestine.
– Noooo, my favorite mug!
– I’ll check out the small demonstration

November: 5064

– March for ceasefire
– I really need time off
– Where’d it go? Oh, that’s a shame.
– We made a good turkey!
– I guess I’ll finally play The Last of Us again

December: Aunt Tabitha

– Changes happening
– Mmmm sugar plums
– Winter Festival again!
– Cookie swap is back!
– And that’s the end of Archer
– Christmas Crisp
– The Boy and the Heron, to resume New Years Eve movie theater going post-pandemic
– And I’ve made some steak and shrimp.

This year had one huge event to start with, which maybe I’ll talk about in a separate post, and a whole lot of other stuff I’ve been racking my brain over the past few days to remember in order to cobble something together here. Kind of disheartening, in that my New Years Eve recaps in the past I’ve had no trouble remembering even the most bizarre details. Is it I can’t remember as well now? Maybe I’m not doing as much now worth remembering? Maybe I do remember but I’m less willing to add it here, however cryptic.

There’s 2024 waiting up there in Times Square. Bringing with it all the usual annual observances all over again, as well as a leap year, a Summer Olympics, and, of course, the presidential election. What will become of that? What will become of Gaza? What will become of Twitter?

As 2023 draws to a close, as this new one drops in shortly, I guess we’ll just have to see. Buckle up.

Much Ado About 2022

December 31, 2022

Another year. Let’s get to it.

January: Short Cycling

-Yikes, open the vents!
-Wordle
-LOL Penzeys having “Republicans Are Racists” weekend
-Time to replay Kingdom Hearts, starting with Birth by Sleep

February: Extracurricular Activity

-Beijing Olympics
-Yeah, letting a Uyghur hold the torch doesn’t make up for shit, Xi!
-Interrupting Olympics for Superbowl.
-And it’s not a repeat, it’s women’s hockey silver, in regulation! Oh, well.
-And now Russia is invading Ukraine. Ugh…

March: Inciting Violence

-Getting a little antsy there, Facebook?
-Fuck war and fuck transphobia.
-Keep my wife’s name out your fucking mouth!
-Kingdom Hearts Final Mix: it’s different

April: Tire Pressure

-Rickrolllll
-Leaky ceiling!
-Almond bars for Easter
-Brookside, as usual

May: Under the Sun

-Where the hell are you off to?!
-Wait, this could benefit me immensely…
-If things are about to get harder.
-Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix confuses and angers me.
-More shitheads committing racially motivated shootings.
-Hand pies!

June: Settled Law

-AwesomeCon!
-This Visit Baltimore ad.
-Eleven, we don’t send people to Azkaban for bashing their bullies in the face with a roller skate.
-Look what the Supreme Court just did. Fucking hell.
-Is this happening or what?

July: Offer

-Chili and galettes
-Breaking Bad
-Off to Star Wars game at Nats Park!
-What do you mean he turned it down?!
-My district is a toss-up now?!
-I’ll take it!

August: Chorizo

-Juan Soto! Nooooooooooooo!
-Joining Kathleen in presentation on LGBTQ youth!
-They are oatmeal cookies. That makes them breakfast.
-At the county fair!
-It’s my first day. And also very much not.
-What the hell is happening across the street?!

September: Parer

-Indian food buffet.
-Oh. Queen Elizabeth.
-Turning Red!
-Baking show.

October: Old Friends Old Rivals

-Time for Melody of Memory.
-Is there seriously a possibility that Herschel Walker, Mehmet Oz, and Kari Lake might get elected?!
-Halloween party

November: Late Earlies

-Stray!
-We got a new Maryland governor!
-And my district stays blue. Whew!
-As does the Senate!
-I’m hosting Thanksgiving!
-New Crash Bandicoot game is hard as shit

December: Celebrations Closet

-Cookies
-Global call
-World Cup
-First in-person Winter Festival in three years!
-Christmas Eve gingerbread cake
-Christmas deep freeze!
-And… Covid finally got me.
-Closing out this one in isolation.

So ends another one, the continuation of some major events before with a lot of uncertainty as to what happens now. Loss of civil rights but better than expected election. The pandemic goes on, as I’m feeling very much at the moment. I might have something more eloquent to say if I weren’t so feverish. Or at least I’ll blame it on that.

Here comes 2023. What’s in store now? I guess we’ll see…

Still With This 2021

December 31, 2021

*looks at recent posts* Ugh.

Well, at least I’m still doing this, for whatever that’s worth. So what happened this year? Well…

January: A Capitol Sixth

– Georgia senatorial runoff election
– Did both Democrats actually win?! Sweet!
– Oh, look, angry Orange Thing fans at the Capitol.
– And breaking into the Capitol.
– Oh dear.
– Look who’s getting impeached again!
– Though he’s done anyway, but it’s the principle of the thing.
– Here comes President Biden and Vice President Harris!

February: The F Word

– Impeachment managers make case, citing event all senators saw first hand.
– Defense yelled a lot and complained Democrats said the word “fight” at any point.
– “Good enough,” said 43 Republican senators
– Second impeachment fails

March: Ever Given

– There’s a big boat wedged in the Suez Canal. LOL
– I want a Covid vaccine. I’m eligible. Give me.

April: Phase 1C

– Damn it, get me a vaccine appointment I don’t have to drive two hours for!
– Covid Easter number two
– Finally!
– First dose!

May: Stolen Base

– I just keep getting older, I guess.
– Second dose!
– LOL Davey Martinez
– What do you mean lifting mask requirements?!
– I’m fully vaxxed now but seems too soon.

June: The Noisiest Tree

– Where are the cicadas?
– Ah, there they are!
– Hello, little golden wings!
– And… they’re gone again.

July: The Twisties

– Time for 2020 Olympics in 2021
– Needs more robots.
– Good for you, Simone Biles. Good for you.
– Where did all the Nats go?

August: Millhaven

– What do you mean Canada beat us at soccer?!
– Damn it, Canada, leave your bullshit in the winter games.
– Bronze it is, then.
– Still managed to overtake China in medal count on the last day. Yay!
– Oh, that poor condo. Goddamn lightning.
– Awesome Con!

September: Tax the Rich

– Twenty years since the bad thing happened.
– Baking show

October: Bounce It

– What do you mean 99% story completion?! What did I miss?
– Fine, I’ll do New Game Plus.
– Somewhat normal Halloween again. Despite… things.

November: Focaccia

– Oh FFS Virginia
– Not doing turkey in a bag again
– Oh, Jurgen and Crystelle!
– Covid booster!

December: Quiet Room

– Where to record this video?
– Cookies. Lots of cookies.
– Virtual festivities again.
– Christmas Eve mini pies
– No Christmas Day roast beast due to shit going on.
– So doing roast beast right now for New Year’s Eve!
– Delicious.
– And watching Encanto.

I guess I should post more. Inspiration and motivation comes and goes. I’ve still been tweeting, though. Anyway, there’s 2022 waiting up there in Times Square. While this damn virus is still not gone. Why won’t it be gone? Well, all that’s gone now is 2021. Here comes the next.

2020 in Hindsight

December 31, 2020

(Sorry.)

Anyway, let’s get on with this shitshow.

January: Imminent Threat

-Oh, awesome, we might be about to go to war with Iran.
-Meanwhile, year-old conversation between Sanders and Warren for some reason.
-Victoria, good. William Shatner, bad.
-Hmm. Keep seeing mention of some virus in China. Yikes, hope they get that contained.

February: A Matter of Right and Wrong

-I missed the groundhog’s prediction. What was it, Chiefs or 49ers?
-Senate votes to acquit… surprise, surprise.
-Iowa caucus at long last. And it goes to… Sanders or Buttigieg, probably?
-Though looks like Biden didn’t really perform at all?
-Bernie gets New Hampshire and Nevada!
-And there’s Biden snatching South Carolina.
-Parasite. Good for them.
-Meanwhile, that virus hasn’t gone away…

March: Flatten the Curve

-Super Tuesday!
-Oof, Biden is back in this race and running away with it.
-Sigh, so much for Bernie.
-The virus is here.
-Better wash hands a lot and disinfect groceries.
-Everything is closing.
-Sports are postponed indefinitely.
-For how long?

April: Various Corn

-Looks like Easter is coming up. Need people to stay home.
-My Easter tradition is mostly unaffected by virus. That’s good.
-Okay, time to mask up!
-What do you mean some governors want to open their states back up? Cases are rising!
-Oh, they’re doing it to please the Orange Thing? Okay then…
-100,000 miles!
-My primary got postponed to June. Though Bernie dropped out so it’s just Biden.
-And I thought grocery shopping was hell before…
-Blueberry muffins!

May: Hydroxychloroquine

-Must bake.
-Birthday. Meh.
-Must bake.
-So tired of parents trashing their kids totally unprompted just to make small talk in conference calls.
-Must bake.
-Brownies!
-And with the senseless murder of George Floyd, we have another explosion of protests for racial justice.
-Complete with cops beating up and arresting journalists. -_-

June: I Can’t Breathe

-Time for primary. To drop off ballot that had only just arrived four days ago.
-Keep your TERF mouth shut, Rowling.
-Must bake.
-Racial justice protests still going strong!

July: Person Woman Man Camera TV

-Chili and berry cake!
-No ‘splosions though. Because of virus.
-Holy crap, the football team is regenerating…
-Mmm… delicious blondies!
-John Lewis 🙁
-First pitch from Fauci!

August: Ammonium Nitrate

-Yikes, poor Beirut!
-Tarp trouble.
-And it’s Kamala Harris for VP.
-The postal service is being fucked with.
-I baked something that didn’t taste good. Now I’m annoyed.
-Now I baked something very tasty. Yay!

September: Phosphine

-Life on Venus? Sure, throw it on this year’s pile…
-Don’t yell at me.
-Must bake.
-NOOOOOOOOO
-Was that… was that the debate?

October: Someone’s Crazy Uncle

-Virtual NYRA conference!
-LOL Orange Thing got the virus
-Fly on Pence’s head at the debate
-Savannah Guthrie saying what needs to be said
-Dropped off ballot!
-Dallas sucks
-Not very many trick or treaters because virus 🙁

November: Red Mirage

-Here goes…
-Polls are closed.
-Results trickling in.
-Trickling…
-Just keep counting… just keep counting…
-States looking good for Biden swing to Orange Thing.
-States looking good for Orange Thing swing to Biden.
-Just keep counting… just keep counting…
-Ignore the armed right wing “poll watchers”
-Just staying up all night and all day at work with CNN…
-And on Saturday morning…
-YAAAAAASSSSSSS
-Dancing in the streets.
-Orange Thing is OUT
-Total Landscaping
-Car maintenance is expensive
-Macy’s Parade without spectators!
-Again, Dallas sucks
-Solo Thanksgiving… for everyone who’s smart

December: They’re Goats

-Or not smart. Cases went up.
-Oh, fucking shit, I’ve got mice in my damn house again.
-Cookies!
-Snow!
-Winter Festival!
-Er… virtual Zoom poetry reading Winter Festival because virus.
-Cookies!
-Look at that, you fucked with the postal service, and now all the Christmas packages are late.
-Certified Electoral College results. It’s Joe Biden!
-Christmas crisp
-Christmas Eve service… via YouTube live… earlier in the evening.
-Solo Christmas
-IT’S SNOWING ON CHRISTMAS MORNING! IT’S SNOWING ON CHRISTMAS MORNING!
-ROAST BEAST
-Soul as New Year’s Eve movie (on Disney+, theaters are kind of not a thing at the moment)

It was the first two months that feel like a century ago, with their own worries and issues, and then March hit and everything changed and ever since it’s been waiting and seeing and trying to maintain our mental and physical health all the while. We blame the year, though COVID-19 is called that because it began in 2019, its own little parting gift that 2020 had to deal with. Mercifully, we have a new president next month, one who takes all this and the job itself seriously, even if not without his own many flaws. There are vaccines being administered and more coming out. So there’s a little bit to be hopeful about, even if going in 2021 just under an hour from now won’t magically change anything right away. For a little while still, we need to adapt to the situation where we can.

And wear a fucking mask!

There’s 2021, up there in Times Square as usual, above absolutely no crowds very unusually. I guess we’ll just have to see what happens…

Another Christmas Carol

December 24, 2020

There are way way way way way too many versions of A Christmas Carol. Anyway, here’s another, with a couple of twists. Merry Christmas!

Marley was dead.

Ebenezer Scrooge gazed up at the “Scrooge & Marley” sign over his business on the seventh anniversary of his partner’s passing, his face impassive while filled with an emotion he could not identify, or a series of emotions he could not parse. He allowed only a minute or two for this before proceeding on inside.

It was also Christmas Eve, a fact Scrooge made a point to ignore. He sat at his desk. After a moment, he opened one of his desk drawers and gazed at something inside it. Then he shut it again and got to work, ignoring the sounds of carols and charitable requests going on outside.

“Merry Christmas!” came a cheery voice from his office doorway.
Continue reading “Another Christmas Carol”

Next Up 2019

December 31, 2019

Sometimes there’s a story you know that suddenly, well, continues. Maybe after a long time. Maybe unexpectedly. Maybe the continuation existed for some time and you’re only now finding it. Well, it’s New Year’s Eve, and so ends 2019, a year of an inordinate number of next installments. And, just in general, the end of one year and beginning of another, a next installment in itself. Whatever. Let’s do this thing.

January: Water Event

-What was that?
-What did you just send me?!
-Replaying this game a lot.
-Reading, too.
The Book of Dust: La Belle Sauvage
-Wait, is it finally out?!
-Vice

February: Revivify

-Time for the game!
-Nothing’s happening, nothing’s happening…
-It’s over. A lot of people in the audience look pissed.
Final Fantasy III/VI
-Unexpected snow day!

March: Ground Chicken

-Maybe I’d better finally do this and see what happens.
-Gathering information
-Did Ayanna Pressley propose a lower voting age AND use my hashtag?!
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World
-And I’m stranded.
-Better get that looked at.
-Stranded again.
-Alright, need a new battery.
-What do you mean Bryce Harper went to the Phillies?!
-Is this still any good to eat or not?
-Maybe we all drink too much.
-Hmm, Nats aren’t off to a great start.

April: Walk-Off Walk

-Are the Nats going to win, like, ever?
-Holy shit, a walk-off walk!
-I’ve always wanted to see a walk-off walk!
-Captain Marvel
-Let’s see what this information gathering is turning into.
-Ah..
-On Monday it’s women in science.
-On Tuesday it’s a thing about an iceberg whose whole point was to make a Simpsons joke.
-On Wednesday, DEATH!
-On Thursday we’re not so great as a species after all.
-On Friday TREES
-On Saturday okay maybe we do some good things as a species.
-All leading to Easter Sunday at Brookside
-Time for AwesomeCon
-I bought way too many shirts.

May: Series 2 Episode 3

-I found it!
Avengers: Endgame
-Let’s replay Kingdom Hearts
-Birthday pizza and ice cream sundae.
-And now Kingdom Hearts 2!
-What do you mean you’re out of the Ryan Zimmerman Captain America bobbleheads?!
-Oh, well, we shut them out. It’s the Marlins, but still.

June: Obsolescence Insurance

-Are you really whining at me about something I posted nine years ago?
-Okay, done with Kingdom Hearts 2? What now?
-Play the third, of course!
-And to get a PlayStation 4!
-And the ancillary games. I guess I’d better play those first.
Kingdom Hears: Chain of Memories
-Okay, this card thing is weird.
-Star Wars game!
-And they lost bad to the Diamondbacks. Ugh.
-But Obi-Sean Kenobi Doolittle bobblehead!
-Maybe don’t ship us stuff on Thursday since getting stuck a day in Memphis is a thing that happens.
-Now I have to go to work on Saturday!
Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep
-Isn’t that Roxas?
Toy Story 4

July: Oxygen Sensor

-Hmm, old TV is broken. Set up the new one!
-We won the World Cup again!
-Megan Rapinoe > you
-Time for Lights for Liberty
-Check engine light?!
-Break from Kingdom Hearts for Crash Bandicoot remake. Not bad.
-The Nats got their asses kicked by the Dodgers and all I got was this sweet tote bag.

August: Special Portal

Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance
-At the fair!
-At long last…
Kingdom Hearts 3
-New version of The Lion King
-Book festival on Day 100

September: Orichalcum+

-Nats had been doing great but are kind of faltering again.
-I’ll go see them play the Braves…
-Let us never speak of the Braves game again
-And finally forged the damn Ultima Weapon
-Oh. I’ve finished Kingdom Hearts 3.
-Whatever should I do with myself now?
-Holy fuckshit, did the Nats manage to snag the NL Wild Card?!
-Bazaar!

October: #22

-Holy fuckshit, the Nats beat the NL Wild Card game.
-Well, time for another NLDS
-And the Dodgers destroyed Game 1
-Managed to force Game 5, here we go again…
-Kershaw blew the save…
-KENDRICK GRAND SLAMMED…
-The Nats got past the NLDS.
Downton Abbey
-Time to die against the Cardinals.
-What the shit, we swept the Cardinals?!
-How..?!
-Oh, my God, the Nats are in the World Series.
-Against… the Houston Astros on shorter rest and thus uninterrupted momentum.
-We’re doomed.
-And Baby Shark was done at the World Series
-LOL Orange Thing got booed at Nats Park
-Well, get this over with…
-Wait… what?!
-!!!!
-NATIONALS WIN THE WORLD SERIES!!!
-Oh, and Halloween

November: Gloo Gloo

-Championship parade!
-I’ll just ignore any news about them on Monday
Rayman Legends

December: We’re Mules Now

-Cookies
-Holiday party
-Redoing 2014 Winter Festival
Frozen 2
-Another holiday party
-Shopping
-Lights
-Cookies
-IMPEACHED!
-Getting food
-Holy what, Silent Night has a fourth verse?!
-Christmas Day
-Simultaneous Simpsons and Doctor Who marathons
The Book of Dust: The Secret Commonwealth
-Lights
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

There’s often more to a story, whether desirable or not, whether welcome or not. Though even if disappointing or underwhelming, it’s nice to know an end hasn’t been reached.

Anyway, it’s New Year’s Eve, and this part of the story ends, the one that arbitrarily lies inside the year 2019, and onto 2020 in about an hour, onto the next phase of whatever. It’s a leap year. There will be an Olympics. And, notably, there will be the chance to throw the Orange Thing out on his ass in November and please God let him be thrown out. Whatever it is, we go into the next part. Here goes…

Walking and Hoping

December 22, 2019

It’s officially winter now. Here’s a song I’ve been hearing a lot…

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?

If I’m hearing this song, I’m already listening to a lot of Christmas music, so I’d say yes.

In the lane snow is glistening

I wish. Supposed to get up to 50 degrees this week.

A beautiful sight we’re happy tonight
Walking in a winter wonderland.

Snow walking is better than regular walking.

Gone away is the bluebird
Here to stay is the new bird

You were having trouble finding a rhyme there, weren’t you.

They sing a love song as we go along
Walking in a winter wonderland

Stalker birds? Or do they think they’re in a Disney movie?

In the meadow we can build a snowman

Awesome.

And pretend that he is Parson Brown

Why?

He’ll say “Are you married?” We’ll say “No, man.
But you can do the job while you’re in town.”

Now there’s a roundabout marriage proposal.

Later on, we’ll conspire

No more conspiracy theories. Snopes has enough to debunk as it is.

As we dream by the fire

Too cold to dream outside?

To face unafraid the plans that we made
Walking in a winter wonderland

Try not to be scared that you just agreed to be legally bound to spend a lot more time together.

In the meadow we can build a snowman

What are you locking yourselves into now?

And pretend that he’s a circus clown.

Tonight, the time by the fire will be less dreaming and more “can’t sleep, snow clown’ll eat me”.

We’ll have lots of fun with Mr. Snowman
Until the other kiddies knock him down (come around).

“Other” kiddies? Ah, given the whole getting married thing earlier on I figured you were older. Whatever the case for whichever lyrics, these other kids seem to be saving you from the evil clown snowman.

When it snows ain’t it thrilling

Yes! Yes, it is.

Though your nose gets chilling

This cold nose thing is reminding me of the first couple lines of The Christmas Song. Almost expecting a culturally insensitive reference to-

We’ll frolic and play the Eskimo way

That’s racist.

Walking in a winter wonderland.

Maybe just stay inside. You’re getting delirious.

Same Old 2018

December 31, 2018

Well, it’s New Year’s Eve. Time to look back over the last 12 months. I begin most years feeling like this year will be special and with new experiences. And certainly this has been true for many. When this year began, however, I figured it wouldn’t be special. It’d just be the same old stuff I do every year. Well, let’s see what happened.

January: Common Area Tree

-What a ridiculous ad.
-Time to head to Greenbelt to see them vote to lower the voting age!
-Except everything is encased in ice and it would be incredibly hazardous to drive all the way there.
-Going to have to miss this one.
-But they did it!
-Why is someone waking me this early on a Saturday morning?
-Oh. Shit.
-A dead tree seemed to have gotten in a fight with my parked car.
-Someone get this tree off my poor car!
-Oh, wow, windshield survived. Just this minor dent.
-My car is a champ!
-Seems Hawaii had a missile alert snafu.

February: Shot 6

-Time for the game!
-I hate the Eagles but I’m so sick of the Patriots so… *cringe* Go Eagles. *cringe*
-Ah, the Eagles did win!
-Really wished I’d changed the channel right away after that.
-Olympics!
-It’s Ash Valentines!
-JavaScript
-Oh, shit, Parkland shooting.
-Time for US vs Canada women’s hockey final. So tense. Another heartbreak?
-Argh, overtime!
-And now a shootout.
-Sudden death.
-HOLY CRAP, WE WON!!!!
-Jury duty!

March: If They Could

-JavaScript
-Black Panther
-No, raising the gun age to 21 won’t stop shootings. It just pins the blame on youth.
-Finally a ski evening before the season is out. It’s at least open this time but not much snow.
-This week in the United States: The Orange Thing and Joe Biden are gearing up for a fistfight, and the most popular book out now is a gay fanfic about Mike Pence’s rabbit.
-Time for March for our Lives!
-And for Easter weekend… AwesomeCon!

April: AGI

-AwesomeCon again, for Easter Fools Day.
-I bought a lot of refrigerator magnets.
-Ready Player One
-Was that really the best way to handle the Apu thing? Because it really wasn’t.
-March for Science isn’t all rainy this time. Not as many people though.
-It’d help to fill out the form correctly.
-Caps are in the playoffs again, heading to the second round against the Penguins, again. Sigh. Here we go again.

May: Walk Off

-Star Wars Day at Nats Park! Day before my birthday.
-They lost.
WES threw me a birthday party!
-Not technically. But platform was a party and it was my birthday, so there you go.
-Back at Nats Park next day on my birthday.
-They’re losing.
-They came back in the ninth.
-Nats win!
-Whoa, the Caps actually beat the Penguins and advanced to the conference final!
-Royal wedding.
-Caps are about to be eliminated from Eastern Conference final.
-Well, they won Game 6 in a shut out. That’s good.
-And Game 7 is a shut out, too.
-Caps are going to the Stanley Cup final!!!
-I’ll head over to the gaming section and glance in the case just for shits and giggles, not like they’ll have it-
-Holy shit, they have it!
-SNES CLASSIC!!!!
-Now for Stanley Cup final against Vegas Golden Knights.
-…
-WHAT?!?!?!

June: It’s Not a Desert Mirage

-Caps have pulled ahead in the series.
-Time for Game 5.
-WTF did you do?!
-Game 5 is tied.
-We’re up by one in Game 5.
-Oh, what’s happening to the clock?
-Almost over.
-Is 0.6 seconds enough time for the Golden Knights to tie it up?
-Oh my God.
-OH MY GOD
-It’s for real. I’m seeing this.
-That’s MY team!
CAPITALS WIN THE STANLEY CUP!!!!
-And just two days later…
-JUSTIFY WINS THE TRIPLE CROWN!!!!
-So Alex Ovechkin, Braden Holtby, and jockey Mike Smith drank out of the Stanley Cup with Jimmy Fallon because of course they did.
-Anthony Bourdain
Flag Day.
-Suddenly a very busy week.
-Didn’t make it to the rally about the immigrant family separations.

July: Would

-My turn to bring snacks!
-Now to make chili con… corn. I guess.
-And ‘splosions.
-The country is sparkling once again.
-Looks like Scott Pruitt is out.
-Sunflowers
-France wins the World Cup over Croatia
-Orange Thing meets with Putin and straight up commits treason in plain sight.
-Does that mean what I think it means?

August: Salchipapas

-It does!
-Hmm. No cable or internet.
-What a horrible couple of days!
-Got it repaired.
-Final episode of Sense8.
-Do they have it? Do they have it?
-They do!
-NES CLASSIC!!!!
-Time to go counterprotest some white supremacist assholes invading my city.
-Not very many of them. LOL
-Taking someone to the fair to meet the sheep.
-I also got centrifuged.
-Let’s go again.
-Or not.
-There goes McCain.
-It’s a puppy!
Mmmm, poke.

September: Indelible in the Hippocampus

-Stop saying “and no one is talking about it“.
-Eighth Grade
-Won’t You Be My Neighbor?
-o snap, anonymous op-ed from inside Orange Thing administration
-It’s the 17th anniversary.
-Dinner with some cool people
-BoJack Horseman!
-Nats game!
-And they actually shut out the Mets 6-0!
-If people could not launch into “kids these days” discussions, like, ever, that’d be great.
-Brett Kavanaugh did some bad things. He retorts by yelling about beer or something.
-Bazaar!

October: Deadpan

-He insists he’s an impartial judge really.
-And gets confirmed anyway.
– “Half an hour ago I was a white-haired Scotsman”
-Dallas sucks
-Pumpkin cookies! Could be improved.
-Brazil, WTF are you doing?
-Time to give out candy to whoever comes to my door!

November: Boneless

-Sugarloaf
-WES auction (and lamps)
-Time to vote…
-Damn it, Florida, Georgia, Texas… oh, a whole lot of states.
-Why must people fight?
-Are we going to meet up?
-No, doesn’t look like it.
-What do you mean you’re not doing the Thanksgiving Day song?!
-I went with a boneless turkey this time.
-It’s good.
-Cooking and then eating Thanksgiving meal while watching parade, dog show, and football. Nice.

December: You Can’t Mansplain the Suffragette

-There goes HW.
-Mannheim Steamroller
-Sometimes I feel really out of place
-Winter Festival!
-Pumpkin cookies! I nailed it this time!
-Christmas shopping and then mailing.
-More cookies.
-Light shows.
-And… Christmas Eve.
-Happy 200th Anniversary, Silent Night!
-Solo Christmas.
-I made my own feast of roast beast!
-Then a lot of watching Doctor Who.
-Ralph Breaks the Internet
-Recapped the year.

So that’s that. Less than an hour to go before that big crystal thing in Times Square makes its descent. So did anything interesting happen? Capitals won the Stanley Cup. World politics continues to be totally cuckoo. Me? Didn’t manage to go on any excursions this time. A lot of my friends had an interesting year. I just sort of sat here and watched it all go by.

Maybe in 2019 I should do a little more again. Sounds like a plan. It’ll be along in half an hour…

Dear Santa

December 24, 2018

Dear Santa,

Hi! Another Christmas is upon us, another year nearly over. Seems to go by quickly for us, but must be so much quicker for centuries-old you.

Speaking of being centuries old, hey, did you know that tonight Silent Night is 200 years old? While you’ll be on your physics-defying worldwide journey tonight, this song will once again take its candlelit place in late night services. One thing I’ve always wondered is that, if you’re a stickler about people being asleep in bed when you come by, do you make an exception for these late night festivities? I should think you do.

Of course, I don’t believe in all that stuff about you spying on everyone at all times, looking for what falls into the “naughty” or “nice” category, a painfully simplistic dichotomy when people are at all times on a spectrum between good and evil, however these are defined. Parents push this narrative to make you out to be a jerk, a tool for their perennial mind games with those they brought into the world. I mean, I imagine that must piss you off. You’re a jolly kindly soul who just wants to make everyone happy, and here people and our society as a whole are exploiting your name to commit mass emotional manipulation. Though it could of course be a whole lot worse.

Of course, come to think of it, never mind that I don’t believe in all that. Here I am, at 35 years old, writing a letter to Santa. Does this mean I believe in you at all? Shouldn’t I have outgrown this quite a long time ago?

Really, I find the whole concept of belief to be odd. Belief in Santa Claus. Belief in God. What does that mean? That I believe you to exist? Well, what does that matter? Either you exist or you don’t. Belief doesn’t affect that. What it really means is whether I believe whoever first told me you exist at all. There wasn’t any concrete proof of this, but whoever must have also said things that were demonstrably true, so maybe belief could mean I believe this to be true as well. But with a lack of evidence that can’t be otherwise explained, it’s harder to hold on to that idea. But is belief something to be held onto despite lack of evidence? I guess there’s supposed to be some virtue in this, but I wonder this is one of those virtues that really just amount to allowing yourself to be easily manipulated by others, be it parents saying Santa won’t give presents if you’re bad or preachers saying God will send you to hell if you vote Democrat.

And yet, all of that said, here I am writing you a letter, at 35 years old. Why? Should I be telling you what I want for Christmas? Maybe. Not like that annoying Grown Up Christmas List song, though. You know the one. It’s a fine song, really. Wishing for wars to never start and everyone to have a friend. Sure, that’s nice. This season is all about wishing for peace on earth and the like, so why not? Though the song does have overtones of saying kids are silly for asking for toys and shit, which is not so nice. Nothing wrong with toys all wrapped up in pretty packages. I mean, it’s not zero sum here. You can wish for a better world while still feeling that sense of joy and wonder upon seeing what’s under the tree Christmas morning. But, again, this holiday tends to be stuck with a lot of black-and-white scenarios.

So maybe I should be writing to let you know what I want you to bring me. Well, it’s kind of already Christmas Eve, so kind of a bitch move to be dropping that on you now. You defy physics as it is, but even that’s a bit much, right?

Of course, that’s just it. You defy physics, yet your legend still gives you a lot of seemingly arbitrary limitations. Like, you need a sleigh and flying reindeer? What’s with that? Is it because around the time your legend was coming into being these were the main ways of conveyance? Honestly, I think it makes much more sense to teleport. This is an idea we can imagine now, though maybe a long time ago not so much. Or at least maybe that would have made you too supernatural. In any case, it is also said you go down chimneys, even though most homes do not have chimneys and fireplaces. My house when I was little didn’t have one, but my parents said you came through the backdoor. Of course, much longer ago, most homes would have had chimneys, so your legend was made based on what was available at the time. Our world has moved past it, but our vision of you has not. Maybe our vision of you is due for a much needed update.

Then there’s you living at the North Pole. When the Winter Solstice hits, you’ve been in total darkness for like three months, halfway through it, so makes sense that’s the point where you go elsewhere for some light. But then again, you go at night, so maybe the point is moot. Do you actually live at the South Pole? At or near Amundsen-Scott Station perhaps? You’re three months into 24/7 sunlight and you need some darkness before you lose your mind. Might give the southern hemisphere some self esteem in all this. Here we are celebrating this holiday as a Winter Solstice thing, but it’s their Summer Solstice. When their Winter Solstice comes around, there’s no Christmas. Always winter and never Christmas. Like some kid was offered Turkish Delight by some witch in exchange for betraying his siblings.

Or maybe you go by Annual Gift Man and live on the moon.

Then there’s the elves who make the toys. Another outdated part of your legend. Christmas presents are generally purchased somewhere, created by some corporation by way of underpaid Asian laborers.

Maybe there’s no elves and not even a Christmas Eve journey. Maybe you just have us all do the gift giving to each other in your name. Your existence is a tenuous technicality in that you pass your giving spirit to us this season.

Still, though, it must be pretty sweet. Making everyone happy at Christmas while not having to actually interact with them. Immortality. Traveling everywhere at way beyond warp speed.

Okay, I think I know what I want for Christmas.

I want to be YOU!

Tim Allen says all I need is a slippery rooftop…

Your friend and totally honestly not usurper,

Katrina

Merry Christmas!

Well, That Happened 2017

December 31, 2017

*inhale* Here goes…

January: This Is Not Who We Are

-I wonder if this is a good idea after all.
-Cash only!
-Hidden Figures
-It happened. That thing is… sworn in.
-So tonight… the un-ball!
-Me: “And when some ultra-narcissistic loudmouth seeks the highest office in the land by supposedly speaking for us all when he promotes fear and hate and the ugly manifestations thereof, we have to say NO! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SIT DOWN! THIS IS NOT WHO WE ARE!”
-Women’s March!
-Wow, two hours just to get on the Metro.

February: Overtime

-Falcons are kicking ass. Another year without a Superbowl going into overtime.
-Okay, the Falcons fell apart and the game is tied at the end of regulation.
-Python
-These people are driving me nuts.

March: Ten Hours Apart

-Python
-Finally, a weekend cold enough to go skiing.
-What do you mean you closed early for the season because it’s been too damn warm?!
-Well, I’ll just have to go to one further north.
-I still have a mouse in my house.
-I have a bad feeling about this event…
-Worse than I thought.
-And I just yelled at someone about it. Well, don’t put on an ageist event!
-Maybe I was harsh. Was I harsh?
-Hey, two NYRA babies born the same weekend!
-Got rid of the mouse, I think.
-So am I going to do this or what? And how?

April: Third Time’s the Charm

-Python
-Something about the zoo, old chemistry equipment, and a Canadian.
-March for Science in the rain.
-We are the cosmos made conscious.
-We are the means by which the universe understands itself.
-Act like it!

May: West Side

-What a nice birthday!
-COLD!
-Okay, I think we need a new water heater.
-Oh, that’s over now.
-Awww, Chris Cornell.
Politics is getting violent!
-Something about fish, more fish, and a Canadian.

June: Radiculopathy

-I’m formulating a plan.
-Ouch!
-Oh, look who came back east.
-AwesomeCon! Something about a keyblade, a life-size dragon, and a Canadian.
-Ouch!
-I have a pinched nerve. Now for weeks of slowly subsiding arm and neck torture.
-Pier Six concert

July: Without Ceres and Bacchus, Venus Would Freeze

-Chili and ‘splosions. After seeing ‘splosions from above last year.
-Something about an art museum and a Canadian.
-I think I somehow got lost hiking on Theodore Roosevelt Island. LOL
-A long coming event comes rather unceremoniously.

August: 80 Percent

-Ah, white supremacist assholes in Charlottesville. Lovely.
-Eating bacon s’mores and weird Colombian hot dogs and Krispy Kreme burger at the Montgomery County AgFair. The fair fare, if you will… I’ll just show myself out.
ECLIPSE!
-One of those times you get bad news that actually wasn’t all that surprising and it has the side effect of increased confidence in your intuition.
-And now I’ve got a cold for the first time in almost four years.
-I think it’s time for Kingdom Hearts again.
Pizza pile!

September: Tabouleh

-New season of BoJack Horseman!
-Welp, now I’m traumatized.
-Middle Eastern Bazaar.
-I’m dabkeh dancing and eating tabouleh and the same time because why not?
-The words we’ve feared every day are said.
-Lots of bad hurricanes.

October: Rainout

-Nats game! I finally go on the last game of the regular season. They lost.
-Taste of Bethesda!
-Alright, finally calling them on their ageist bullshit, particularly what happened in March.
-Something about a rain delay, robots, and a Canadian.
-And… the Nats lost another NLDS Game 5 because of course they did.
-Dinner with three NYRAnians!
-Going to the auction with a keyblade.
-Finally booked the damn thing.

November: Kaleo and Po’okela

-Hey, Astros got their first World Series win.
-I think I overdid it on the hot chocolate.
-Time to go…
-Holy crap, I’m finally in Hawaii!
-Diamond Head and Pearl Harbor and some marine mammal friends!
-Black sand beach and Kilauea Iki and Chain of Craters and Mauna Kea!
-And back home.
-To Stone Soup.
-And Thanksgiving weekend to sleep off the trip.
-#27: Southern Cross

December: An Existential Question

-Again, not doing the entry a day thing anymore. Screw it.
-Meh, not sure I want to do Christmas alone again. I guess I’ll go to Las Vegas again.
-Winter Festival!
-Off to stop Glenarden, who lowered their voting age apparently without anyone knowing, from raising it again.
-Okay, Glenarden has issues and we want none of it. Let’s just go encourage Greenbelt to lower theirs as is planned.
-Cookies!
-Lights!
-Why in the name of hell did I decide to go to Las Vegas on Christmas Day again?
-I got stuck in hourly parking at the airport because everything else was full. It’s going to cost me a fortune!
-And enduring those few days.
-And back home to the very cold.
-And here’s this recap.

While 2016 was a lot of “because fuck you, that’s why”, 2017 was the unraveling of the very fabric of space-time, with event after event, be it personally or the world at large, being of the “is this actually happening?” variety. Cool stuff like some stuff that went on around Easter as well as going to Hawaii. And politics continues to boggle us all and lose all of any sanity it may have had, what with, oh, every time Orange Thing says or does just about anything.

So, 2018, what’s next? With 2017 and all its surprises drawing to a close, what are we left with? How much further can anything spiral, any which way?

I suppose we’ll just have to strap ourselves in and find out.