Mmmm, Candy Hearts 18

February 14, 2024

BE MINE

Don’t be so possessive.

CALL ME

Call? Like… on the phone?! Ain’t no one worth that!

Alright, it’s Valentine’s Day. I skipped last year, but here’s one of these once again.

I think I’ll pick on Stranger Things for the moment. Or not so much “pick on” but this exchange from Season 3 jumps out at me.

Mike: What did you think, really? That we were never gonna get girlfriends? That we were just going to sit in my basement all day and play games for the rest of our lives?
Will: Yeah, I guess I did. I really did.

I guess the intended reaction here is something like “aww, these kids are growing up, putting away childish things, etc.” and that Will Byers, while you feel bad for him, will understand soon enough.

Screw that. He has the right idea.

Spending all day with friends working on something fun and creative, like the RPGs they play? Hell yeah! That is absolutely something you want to maintain as long as you can.

But Mike was pulling away from that due to his relationship with Eleven. Which I guess is supposed to be a sign of maturity, that romantic relationships must be the priority.

As must familial relationships. In fact, the importance placed on (cis-het) romantic relationships is part of it, in that it would involve pairing up with someone the family approves of, of the same culture or religion or race, so that they will make babies who will continue that family line and that culture or religion or race.

As such, platonic friendships get deprioritized, those friends less important than family or romantic partners. You’re told those relationships will come and go, that family will always be there. Which is a load of bullshit, of course. And it’s usually members of your family who try to instill “nothing is more important than family” into you, so you can see the conflict of interest.

Friendships are chosen by the individual due to mutual interest and affection. There’s no familial bonds or hormones running the show. Because of this, they are considered less important because they’d likely break apart easily. But actually that’s what makes them superior. This relationship wasn’t chosen for you by birth. You don’t want to have sex with them (necessarily). You just both enjoy each other’s company and find each other comforting and fun, and that is goddamn wonderful.

Sure, as life throws changes at you, friends can drift apart as their common bond stretches and weakens. But that absolutely happens with familial and romantic relationships, too. That’s not an indication of a relationship’s importance. That’s just life.

In fact, because a platonic friendship is expected to be fleeting, while familial and serious romantic relationships are expected to go on for life (complete with undeserved shame and erasure when they don’t), it’s perhaps more impressive and special when they do last a long time.

I guess these damn hearts seem like they’ve lasted a long time, too. Don’t know how impressive that is.

TRUE LOVE

Yikes. Let’s get to know each other better first?

NO WAY

My thoughts exactly.

Mmmm, Candy Hearts 17

February 14, 2022

SOUL MATE

A chalky sugary candy heart soul mate is probably better than a human one in a number of ways.

BE MINE

But I’m already surrounded by eight of them.

Is this all I post anymore? Meh. Let’s get to it.

Ever think about what pop culture tells us is or isn’t inherently attractive? Some ad for a dating app had, as an example of a “bad” date, some guy saying “let me tell you about my cat!” The ad implies this guy is a loser for wanting to talk cat rather than, well, the ad doesn’t really specify what actually is the “correct” thing to talk about. Also, for the record, and I’m definitely not alone on this, whether you’re a date or friend or coworker or whoever, yes, please DO tell me about your cat! And your dog and bird and fish and iguana. I want to hear about your pets. It’s probably the most delightful and inoffensive topic, and it tells a lot about a person. In fact, if you’re put off by pet talk, well, fuck off.

The other thing is back when Friends was on. It’s interesting watching the series and seeing as the show stated so authoritatively what traits or even interests were inherent turn offs. Or, at least, by sitcom dating standards, where someone could have ten sexual partners in a year and still be considered sexually unlucky. Specifically, Ross was pegged as undesirable because he was a paleontologist (despite getting married three times, because, again, sitcom logic), that anyone into science or who is geeky at all is Forever Alone. In one episode, he and Chandler are going over things about themselves that put girls off, and he mentions that “girls don’t like it when I talk about science”. And, like, dude, then you’re dating the wrong girls (and erasing female scientists). Seriously, he should have married Julie and told Rachel to fuck off, and she him, since they were presented as each other’s “lobster” and yet they did not actually get one another in any sense. Though, shit, could write a book about all the toxic messaging in that show.

But it’s not just a sitcom that, wow, is pushing twenty years since it ended (on my 21st birthday…). Certainly the Forever Alone geek remains an annoying trope. But that comes from the same thing. A geek is really just interested in something strongly. It’s part of who they are. If that’s inherently unattractive, then it follows being one’s whole self is what’s unattractive.

It’s of course a load of shit. Truth is, when you’re truly into someone, on the contrary, someone going on about their pets or their interest in dinosaurs or what have you, seeing them get all excited and animated about it, is goddamn spectacular. You don’t even have to be that interested in whatever it is. Just seeing someone you care about get into their zone is what’s amazing. If that’s a turn off, then what the fuck is wrong with you?

Of course, I haven’t even touched on other prevalent forms of wider society dictating attractiveness, namely setting beauty standards that require being thin and white. Still all bullshit. You’re dating a person, not a color or shape.

I like to think this has improved over the years, that despite bad pop culture messages about attractiveness, real people are seeing the bullshit for what it is. Maybe one could say I’m just here in my late thirties looking back at the messages absorbed when I was younger and maturing beyond it or something. But among those seeing through the bullshit are today’s teens. And I’m living today as well, if a bit older. So the shift is perhaps a maturation of society rather than the person.

My teenage years, after all, were when Friends was running.

Know what else has been around a while?

U R 2 CUTE

So does that mean the cute is doubled? Is it quantifiable?

IM SURE

Okay, great. So I used to have a big fluffy collie named- Hey, where are you going, candy heart?

Still With This 2021

December 31, 2021

*looks at recent posts* Ugh.

Well, at least I’m still doing this, for whatever that’s worth. So what happened this year? Well…

January: A Capitol Sixth

– Georgia senatorial runoff election
– Did both Democrats actually win?! Sweet!
– Oh, look, angry Orange Thing fans at the Capitol.
– And breaking into the Capitol.
– Oh dear.
– Look who’s getting impeached again!
– Though he’s done anyway, but it’s the principle of the thing.
– Here comes President Biden and Vice President Harris!

February: The F Word

– Impeachment managers make case, citing event all senators saw first hand.
– Defense yelled a lot and complained Democrats said the word “fight” at any point.
– “Good enough,” said 43 Republican senators
– Second impeachment fails

March: Ever Given

– There’s a big boat wedged in the Suez Canal. LOL
– I want a Covid vaccine. I’m eligible. Give me.

April: Phase 1C

– Damn it, get me a vaccine appointment I don’t have to drive two hours for!
– Covid Easter number two
– Finally!
– First dose!

May: Stolen Base

– I just keep getting older, I guess.
– Second dose!
– LOL Davey Martinez
– What do you mean lifting mask requirements?!
– I’m fully vaxxed now but seems too soon.

June: The Noisiest Tree

– Where are the cicadas?
– Ah, there they are!
– Hello, little golden wings!
– And… they’re gone again.

July: The Twisties

– Time for 2020 Olympics in 2021
– Needs more robots.
– Good for you, Simone Biles. Good for you.
– Where did all the Nats go?

August: Millhaven

– What do you mean Canada beat us at soccer?!
– Damn it, Canada, leave your bullshit in the winter games.
– Bronze it is, then.
– Still managed to overtake China in medal count on the last day. Yay!
– Oh, that poor condo. Goddamn lightning.
– Awesome Con!

September: Tax the Rich

– Twenty years since the bad thing happened.
– Baking show

October: Bounce It

– What do you mean 99% story completion?! What did I miss?
– Fine, I’ll do New Game Plus.
– Somewhat normal Halloween again. Despite… things.

November: Focaccia

– Oh FFS Virginia
– Not doing turkey in a bag again
– Oh, Jurgen and Crystelle!
– Covid booster!

December: Quiet Room

– Where to record this video?
– Cookies. Lots of cookies.
– Virtual festivities again.
– Christmas Eve mini pies
– No Christmas Day roast beast due to shit going on.
– So doing roast beast right now for New Year’s Eve!
– Delicious.
– And watching Encanto.

I guess I should post more. Inspiration and motivation comes and goes. I’ve still been tweeting, though. Anyway, there’s 2022 waiting up there in Times Square. While this damn virus is still not gone. Why won’t it be gone? Well, all that’s gone now is 2021. Here comes the next.

Mmmm, Candy Hearts 16

February 14, 2021

“CALL ME”

Please don’t. I hate talking on the phone.

“SMILE”

I’ll smile when/if I goddamn want to, chauvinist candy heart.

“ROCK STAR”

I’ve lived past 27, though.

“LOVE YOU”

Getting to know me better will cure you of that.

Anyway, it’s Valentine’s Day, perhaps now the last holiday left to be affected by COVID, as we’ve almost come all the way around the sun from when all the lockdowns and restrictions began. Still a ways to go with all this. Times are very unpredictable.

Which leads me to my topic today.

People like to say “there’s someone for everyone” or “you’ll meet the right person”. This absolute certainty that somewhere in the future is the Perfect Partner.

Well, here’s the thing no one likes to point out. No, there is absolutely no guarantee of ever meeting some “perfect” person. Obviously. Hell, there’s no guarantee of even meeting and getting together with an adequate person.

And, no, it’s not because you necessarily did anything “wrong”. I mean, maybe you did. Everyone is flawed and dealbreaking stuff happens. But there’s all kinds of reasons. For some romance to happen, one person has to be into the other person AND the other person has to be into them AND there needs to be some degree of compatibility. Any one of these can be rare on its own, but for all three to happen? That’s downright miraculous. Far from a certainty.

There’s especially the issue when someone might still be figuring out they are gay or asexual or are otherwise trying to figure out something intrinsic about themself that could be affecting things. Which, again, definitely not a fault or a flaw. Just who one is.

The point is, sure, a lot of people manage that trifecta (or commonly enough just two out of three, with that lack of compatibility or mutuality coming back to bite sooner or later). But a lot don’t. There’s no guarantee someone will.

And that’s okay!

There’s more to life.

Maybe instead of empty assurances of some eventual happy ever after (and, you know, never take advice from someone who thinks those words ever apply to relationships!), stop acting like romantic pairing is the Most Important Thing. A requirement. A given. A guarantee. Because it’s not, and it doesn’t actually help anyone or anything to act like it is.

Life is complicated. We all are on many paths and get our joys and sorrows from all sorts of things. We can’t always anticipate the next step. Whatever will be will be.

Yadda, yadda, yadda…

Anyway, more candy hearts!

“MISS YOU”

I’m right here.

“DREAM”

How many seeming achievements of the aforementioned trifecta turn out to be that?

“LET’S HANG”

Not if we don’t get caught by the sheriff!

“NICE”

Okay, but if I eat a different heart, are you just going to bitch about being “friend zoned” or some shit?

“LAUGH”

Oh, I already am.

2020 in Hindsight

December 31, 2020

(Sorry.)

Anyway, let’s get on with this shitshow.

January: Imminent Threat

-Oh, awesome, we might be about to go to war with Iran.
-Meanwhile, year-old conversation between Sanders and Warren for some reason.
-Victoria, good. William Shatner, bad.
-Hmm. Keep seeing mention of some virus in China. Yikes, hope they get that contained.

February: A Matter of Right and Wrong

-I missed the groundhog’s prediction. What was it, Chiefs or 49ers?
-Senate votes to acquit… surprise, surprise.
-Iowa caucus at long last. And it goes to… Sanders or Buttigieg, probably?
-Though looks like Biden didn’t really perform at all?
-Bernie gets New Hampshire and Nevada!
-And there’s Biden snatching South Carolina.
-Parasite. Good for them.
-Meanwhile, that virus hasn’t gone away…

March: Flatten the Curve

-Super Tuesday!
-Oof, Biden is back in this race and running away with it.
-Sigh, so much for Bernie.
-The virus is here.
-Better wash hands a lot and disinfect groceries.
-Everything is closing.
-Sports are postponed indefinitely.
-For how long?

April: Various Corn

-Looks like Easter is coming up. Need people to stay home.
-My Easter tradition is mostly unaffected by virus. That’s good.
-Okay, time to mask up!
-What do you mean some governors want to open their states back up? Cases are rising!
-Oh, they’re doing it to please the Orange Thing? Okay then…
-100,000 miles!
-My primary got postponed to June. Though Bernie dropped out so it’s just Biden.
-And I thought grocery shopping was hell before…
-Blueberry muffins!

May: Hydroxychloroquine

-Must bake.
-Birthday. Meh.
-Must bake.
-So tired of parents trashing their kids totally unprompted just to make small talk in conference calls.
-Must bake.
-Brownies!
-And with the senseless murder of George Floyd, we have another explosion of protests for racial justice.
-Complete with cops beating up and arresting journalists. -_-

June: I Can’t Breathe

-Time for primary. To drop off ballot that had only just arrived four days ago.
-Keep your TERF mouth shut, Rowling.
-Must bake.
-Racial justice protests still going strong!

July: Person Woman Man Camera TV

-Chili and berry cake!
-No ‘splosions though. Because of virus.
-Holy crap, the football team is regenerating…
-Mmm… delicious blondies!
-John Lewis 🙁
-First pitch from Fauci!

August: Ammonium Nitrate

-Yikes, poor Beirut!
-Tarp trouble.
-And it’s Kamala Harris for VP.
-The postal service is being fucked with.
-I baked something that didn’t taste good. Now I’m annoyed.
-Now I baked something very tasty. Yay!

September: Phosphine

-Life on Venus? Sure, throw it on this year’s pile…
-Don’t yell at me.
-Must bake.
-NOOOOOOOOO
-Was that… was that the debate?

October: Someone’s Crazy Uncle

-Virtual NYRA conference!
-LOL Orange Thing got the virus
-Fly on Pence’s head at the debate
-Savannah Guthrie saying what needs to be said
-Dropped off ballot!
-Dallas sucks
-Not very many trick or treaters because virus 🙁

November: Red Mirage

-Here goes…
-Polls are closed.
-Results trickling in.
-Trickling…
-Just keep counting… just keep counting…
-States looking good for Biden swing to Orange Thing.
-States looking good for Orange Thing swing to Biden.
-Just keep counting… just keep counting…
-Ignore the armed right wing “poll watchers”
-Just staying up all night and all day at work with CNN…
-And on Saturday morning…
-YAAAAAASSSSSSS
-Dancing in the streets.
-Orange Thing is OUT
-Total Landscaping
-Car maintenance is expensive
-Macy’s Parade without spectators!
-Again, Dallas sucks
-Solo Thanksgiving… for everyone who’s smart

December: They’re Goats

-Or not smart. Cases went up.
-Oh, fucking shit, I’ve got mice in my damn house again.
-Cookies!
-Snow!
-Winter Festival!
-Er… virtual Zoom poetry reading Winter Festival because virus.
-Cookies!
-Look at that, you fucked with the postal service, and now all the Christmas packages are late.
-Certified Electoral College results. It’s Joe Biden!
-Christmas crisp
-Christmas Eve service… via YouTube live… earlier in the evening.
-Solo Christmas
-IT’S SNOWING ON CHRISTMAS MORNING! IT’S SNOWING ON CHRISTMAS MORNING!
-ROAST BEAST
-Soul as New Year’s Eve movie (on Disney+, theaters are kind of not a thing at the moment)

It was the first two months that feel like a century ago, with their own worries and issues, and then March hit and everything changed and ever since it’s been waiting and seeing and trying to maintain our mental and physical health all the while. We blame the year, though COVID-19 is called that because it began in 2019, its own little parting gift that 2020 had to deal with. Mercifully, we have a new president next month, one who takes all this and the job itself seriously, even if not without his own many flaws. There are vaccines being administered and more coming out. So there’s a little bit to be hopeful about, even if going in 2021 just under an hour from now won’t magically change anything right away. For a little while still, we need to adapt to the situation where we can.

And wear a fucking mask!

There’s 2021, up there in Times Square as usual, above absolutely no crowds very unusually. I guess we’ll just have to see what happens…

That’s Enough of That

August 31, 2020

Day 1: *looks at last year’s*

And then once again it’ll be May 24, to do this again in 2020, for round 20, whatever form the world will be in then. Whatever indeed.

Oh… oh man… Yikes.

Day 7: Brownies! Mmmm…

Day 8: No big deal, just cops attacking the journalists witnessing them attacking peaceful civilians, that’s totally fine and not at all abhorrent!

Day 10: Primary voting in the time of COVID.

Day 11: Just sayin…

Day 13: I’m not budging…

Day 14: Hey, JK Rowling, would you please shut the fuck up and sit your ass down?

Day 28: Eating fries for first time since before pandemic and this is heaven.

Day 29: Raspberry muffins! So sweet!

Day 33: Raspberry brownies! Look at those dents!

Day 36: Time for a goodbye.

Day 38: Nectarine muffins! Not bad, feels like it needs another flavor.

Day 41: A review?

Day 42: Berry cake!

Day 44: Still not budging…

Day 48: Time for another goodbye.

Day 49: Blackberry muffins! A little dry but tasty.

Day 51: The regeneration sequence begins…

Day 53: Strawberry blueberry muffins! Not bad but could be better.

Day 56: John Lewis

Day 61: Nailed it!

Day 63: Strawberry chocolate chip blondies! So rich! Like eating a syrup soaked pancake!

Day 68: Strawberry brownies! Very tasty, if my powdered sugar skills could use some work.

Day 72: Cinnamon nectarine blondies! WOW! This is the most amazing thing I’ve tasted in a long time. And I made it myself!

Day 78: Tarp trouble!

Day 80: And… it’s Kamala Harris.

Day 81: Blueberry cereal muffins! Hmm. Overestimated how absorbent the cereal would be so reduced the flour but batter was too wet. Still came out tasty, though.

Day 85: Blackberry cereal muffins! Slightly overbaked maybe but very tasty.

Day 87: Cool state roll call!

Day 89: Blueberry lemon blondies! They’re… awful. Underbaked. Flavors combined in a weird and off-putting way. Blueberries themselves are very good. The rest of it, not so much. Damn.

Day 95: Chocolate strawberry muffins! Very good. Strawberries practically melted into the batter. Not too overpowering but satisfying.

Day 96: Fight the power, NBA and WNBA and MLB and others. Proud of you.

Day 97: Chadwick Boseman

Day 98: You all remember we’re supposed to be social distancing, right? Because you’re not acting like you remember.

Day 99: I should bake but I’m playing a game instead. Tomorrow…

And finally…

DAY 100

Strawberry almond cinnamon blondies! Forget what I said three weeks ago. This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever tasted. And I made it myself!

As these 100 Day of Summer draw to a close, it’s a world quickly doing away with the old or just plain changing a whole lot. Such is the business of life. Time for another goodbye, closing out Round 20 and 2000 days of whatever this is.

We’ll see what’s next…

This has been Day 100 of the 100 Days of Summer, Round 20.

Mmmm, Candy Hearts 15

February 14, 2020

“CUTIE” Aww, thanks little candy heart.

“YES” I… didn’t ask anything?

“KISS ME” Well, you don’t mess around, do you!

Yup, it’s Valentine’s Day, and once again I’ve got some conversation hearts. SweeTarts ones in a little box about the size of a deck of cards because I didn’t get to the store until yesterday and that’s all that was left. Good enough.

Anyway…

Why is jealousy so stigmatized?

No, really. It happens to everyone. You can’t just turn it off. And it sucks.

Here’s a classic scenario. Say you have a partner you’re incredibly glad to have. This partner at some point makes a new friend they like a whole lot and spend a lot of time with. And you? You find that each time your partner spends time with said friend or even mentions them you get this sickly feeling in your stomach. Partner is having such a good time with this person, but do they still enjoy you? Might the time they spend with this friend make them realize you actually kind of suck and they’re better off without you?

You don’t want to feel this way. You don’t want to be That Person. You know full well that no one person can meet all of anyone’s interpersonal needs and that it’s important to have others in one’s life, so it’s unrealistic to expect partner to drop this friend, not to mention toxic as hell. So you know what’s right and it’s all in good faith, and as such there’d be no point in responding to said feelings with anything like “shut up, your partner has a right to have friends, stop being a jealous loser!”

And that’s the trouble. You’re not only having these very much unwanted feelings but are being made to feel like you’re a toxic asshole because of it. Or that you’re just hopelessly insecure. And that just makes the feelings so much worse. I mean, if you’re feeling this way, it might be wise to actually discuss it with partner. But, no, you can’t do that. Then partner would know you’re having these toxic asshole insecure feelings and would just further convince them that they should leave. Maybe this just convinces yourself that you’re less and less worthy of having this person or anyone in your life because you’re -gasp!- jealous.

Jealousy is a very normal feeling, and we all feel it once in a while. Anyone who claims to be “above” it is a liar. The important thing is trying to figure out where it’s coming from and work on finding a way of making it stop that way. Which is, of course, so much harder when you’re made to feel like you’re a piece of shit because of it. Feeling like a piece of shit is where it comes from in the first place.

Jealousy is like this alarm in your head that just won’t stop going off, signaling that something is very wrong, real or imagined. Going back to the example, the partner’s friend isn’t the problem, and you know that. The problem is that there’s some need of yours that’s either not being fulfilled or is in jeopardy, or at least seems to be. You are absolutely in mental anguish right now.

I’m not going to venture any guess as to what a specific solution might be, as that varies from person to person. But a lot of it is figuring out what need is being unfulfilled and trying to satisfy it. We all need to be loved. We all need to be seen and heard. We all need to have our efforts recognized. We all need understanding when we are hurting. We all need to be reassured that everything is going to be okay.

None of this is to say that any toxic behavior as a result of jealousy (or anything else for that matter) should be tolerated. Being jealous is not a choice, but what you do about it absolutely is. But I’m just saying it helps to stop acting like this some-need-is-in-peril-or-unmet anguish is anything other than very normal and very human. And to remember that anyone going through it is still very much worthy of love and companionship.

At least the candy hearts understand.

“XOXO” Affection little candy heart.

“MAYBE” Ah, you’re more discerning than that YES one, I see.

“LOVE U” Despite having negative feelings sometimes? Aww, thanks!

We Have a Serious Drinking Problem

March 31, 2019

A couple days ago, baseball season officially began (Go Nats!), a time of eating peanuts and hot dogs, homeruns, and yelling “why did you swing at that?! that was up to your eyeballs!”. Oh, and lots and lots of alcohol.

A couple weeks ago was St. Patrick’s Day, a day for corned beef, green apparel, and tired Irish stereotypes. Oh, and lots and lots of alcohol.

A couple months ago was the Superbowl, a day of weird commercials, salty snacks, and cheering against the Patriots. Oh, and lots and lots of alcohol.

Walk into just about any restaurant that isn’t a fast food place and open the menu. What takes up at least half the menu? Lots and lots of alcohol.

This lots and lots of alcohol in these and other contexts is all normal and familiar to us. But, if I may ask a risky question… what if it weren’t?

I mean, it’s all so normal and familiar to us that it’s easy to forget that alcohol is dangerous!

So many dead each year from drunk driving or alcohol poisoning or doing stupid shit while drunk. So much violence and abuse is committed by those under the influence. So many get addicted.

And, yet, we treat alcohol consumption as expected of adults. It’s portrayed as “the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems!” What must you do when faced with overwhelming stress, according to pop culture? Drink a lot! Depressed? Drink! Annoyed? Drink! Celebrating? Drink! And if you’re in a place or situation where you can’t drink, well, that’s just the worst thing in the world and you cringe at the mere idea!

Well, unless you don’t drink, but why on earth wouldn’t you drink? Are you Muslim or Mormon? Are you pregnant? Are you some stuck up loser? That seems to be the attitude, since I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone to an event where there was a wide selection of wine or some spiked punch, but I ask for something without alcohol, and I get some version of “LOL water is over there, loser”. Like, is the idea that someone might not want to put this stuff into their body so unthinkable?

We’re obsessed with alcohol, so much so that we don’t realize it and find the idea absurd. But maybe it’s time we acknowledged it. Maybe it’s time we acknowledged that maybe we could do just fine without it.

I’m not advocating prohibition. Prohibition was a disaster. Alcohol is just too ingrained in our culture. That and I don’t want to see any reduction in civil liberties. What I’m suggesting is that we as a society just stop acting like alcohol is so damn important.

And, all of that said, lower the drinking age!
Continue reading “We Have a Serious Drinking Problem”

Mmmm, Candy Hearts 14

February 14, 2019

It’s Valentine’s Day! Time to muse about relationships while reading and eating the candy hearts-

Oh. There aren’t any this year.

Well, that’s a let down.

You know what else is a let down? Breakups.

To varying degrees anyway. But they always suck, even when the breakup is really in the best interest of both or all involved (which might well be the case for almost all of them, come to think of it). There’s the disappointment, the loss, the uncertainty. There’s wondering what went wrong, what should have been done differently, what you’re going to do now.

That much is obvious. That really all you can do at this point is move on, whatever that means.

What’s less obvious is that, in the process of this enigmatic moving on, you’ve got to put a lot of energy into not doing anything stupid!

Even the most amicable breakups involve hurt, anger, and resentment, which must be processed and navigated in the following period of time. During this, these feelings can lead to some irrational impulses, looking for what can be done to make the emotional agony stop. And you’ve got to mentally work hard to determine what action truly is reasonable or is just something you’re deeming reasonable because the brain can’t stand all the hurt, anger, and resentment fluttering around like mosquitoes and just wants to try anything to make them go away.

You can do it! I say “whatever that means” about moving on since there’s no point where you’ve explicitly moved on, and depending on the nature of the recently ended relationship some parts may stick with you long term. And that’s okay. But eventually you’ll latch onto something else (not necessarily another love interest, just anything that captivates you), which probably won’t pull you out of this funk totally but at least it’s something else to think about.

But until you get to that point, don’t do anything stupid!

Stupid can be something like getting drunk and sending a sappy text to your ex begging to get back together. Ugh. Don’t do that. It could also be sending them an angry message ripping them to pieces. Ugh. Don’t do that either. All you do is humiliate yourself, create bad (or worse) blood, and feel like shit about that along with all the other feelings that have not improved in this.

Or for some it can get more severe than that, such as threats, self-harm, vandalism, or violence. Obviously don’t do that. Seek help if you feel even the urge to do any of that (well, seeking help in general when going through this might be a good idea, for that matter). Certainly this sort of behavior helps and accomplishes nothing. What would give you the idea to do any of this in the first place?

Oh, right, all of popular media, where super toxic post-breakup behavior is portrayed as normal and expected.

Have I mentioned how much I hate Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats”? Where she sings about destroying her cheating boyfriend’s beloved car? Not cool. I mean, the car didn’t do anything wrong. And you’re looking at getting sued for damages, which, aside from the hefty bill, involves more interaction with said cheating asshole, an interaction where you’re the loser who is forced to pay him. Yikes!

I mean, I get that the song is not actually meant to encourage anyone to go out and destroy their exes’ vehicles but to capture the anger and betrayal and desire for revenge. Anyone who has been at the receiving end of this can certainly relate. Though these feelings manifest differently in different people, and this vehicular vandalism fantasy is not necessarily what someone in this position wants to hear. In fact, when someone is actually in a position of being betrayed by a loved one and is this special kind of vulnerable, is this really the kind of behavior to be encouraging, even if just in theory?

Of course, then there’s the Lily Allen video, where she sneaks laxatives into her ex’s drink and pays a gang to beat him up and ransack his apartment. Oy.

Then there’s however many sitcoms where exes bitterly hurt and sabotage each other or characters recount an ex burning their clothes or something that is completely utterly beyond the pale but is treated as if an inherent part of ending a relationship.

Then again, maybe this is supposed to be encouraging. Like “yeah, I feel bad right now, but at least I’m not doing that shit!” But what a low bar to meet!

And you most likely have it together enough not to do that shit. But when exes are so often portrayed as untrustworthy or even dangerous, how is someone processing a breakup supposed to feel? On top of it all, they get to watch someone in their position being demonized? Like, they’re going through this and their ex is with someone else already, and all of a sudden it’s, congratulations, you’re now the villain in every romantic comedy!

The object is to come through this trying time with as much grace and dignity as can be reasonably preserved, a challenge even without messages coming from all over trying to paint you as unstable.

Yup, once again, popular media can exaggerate and mislead about things.

I mean, I totally saw candy conversation hearts at Target the other day. They’re made by more than one company, you know.

Shut Up and Give Them Candy

October 31, 2018

I hereby decree…

If they come to your door on Halloween night, give them candy.

Okay, you know that. Adorable costumed children come to the door and receive candy. That’s how it works.

What if they’re not costumed? What if they’re 15 years old?

Hey, guess what! Doesn’t matter. They still get candy.

If you’re the kind of person who says to a teenager at your doorstep on Halloween “go away, you’re too old”, you just really really really need to get a life. Here’s a better idea. Teenagers come to your door trick-or-treating? Give them candy and move on with it. What exactly have you accomplished by bitching at them and sending them away? Nothing except act like an asshole, that’s what.

And the towns where it’s actually illegal for these teens to trick-or-treat? How much of a deranged sociopath do you have to be to think a trick-or-treating middle schooler should be arrested?

So it’s the same old thing. Teens are too old to take part in children’s activities, and if they try they might be breaking the law. Teens are too young to be at (surely alcohol-oriented) adult Halloween parties, and if they try they or someone might be breaking a law. So as usual they don’t fit neatly into the hard and fast “child” or “adult” boxes, too old to be cute and “innocent”, too young to be trusted and respected, so they are cast aside for being a difficult to sort age hybrid. And where teens have their own category, perhaps their own Halloween activity, they are presumed to be vandalizing something or drinking underage or otherwise somehow breaking the law. So really, once again, teenagers can’t win and are ruining society by having the audacity to exist.

Enough of this bullshit. This is a fun night. Someone comes to your door as part of these festivities, you pass out the candy and let everyone move on with their lives. If this is something you simply can’t do, that it’s simply impossible for you to not police the costumes and ages of trick-or-treaters, then please just turn off the porchlight and leave this holiday to those of us who aren’t complete assholes.