“XOXO”
Tic-tac-toe?
“CUTIE”
Aw thanks… oh, wait, you were talking about yourself, little candy heart? Awkward.
Another Valentine’s Day is upon us. The romantically involved make sure to be especially involved today, in order to maintain said involvement. And why not? Doesn’t hurt to do nice things for each other.
What does hurt are the, well, not-nice things.
Sometimes relationships (romantic and otherwise) turn bad, or maybe they were bad from the start. It might not have been obvious at first, or perhaps obvious to everyone except the one involved in it, but it became clear before long… this person you’re with is treating you like shit and you don’t deserve it.
So you get out. And you look back and wonder… how on earth did you not see it? How could you have been so clueless? Of course this person was terrible. There were so many red flags, and you missed them all.
Maybe you have others in your life who saw those red flags and tried to warn you. Maybe if you had listened to them earlier you’d have saved yourself so much grief, so much hurt, so much lost time. Maybe they are thinking this. While they might seem sympathetic to you now, they are secretly (or openly) wondering “if you’d just listened to me, you idiot…”. And you feel more and more ashamed.
How could you have let this happen? How didn’t you see it? Are you just not that bright?
I’ve got three words for you.
Fuck. That. Shit.
Interesting how the abusive partner is out of the picture at this point but the shame and anguish remain.
It may be tricky to advise people on how to spot relationship toxicity in such a way that doesn’t imply “and if you stay despite this, you’re a dumbass”. We want to believe we have more control than we do, that we can avoid pitfalls if we just make all the right moves and not make mistakes, if we know the signs and act accordingly.
But that is not real life. While for sure there are things one can watch out for and avoid, all in all there is no immunity to this. These things happen. Being in love can make those red flags invisible.
In fact, if anyone is in fact getting on their high horse like “I told you they were bad news but you didn’t leave!”, this too is abusive behavior. They’re more interested in elevating themself than being supportive.
They deserve to get whacked a few times with a tire iron, right there alongside the abusive partner and anyone who decides to frame all this as some sort of life learning experience.
You know who would never shame you for not leaving a bad relationship sooner?
That’s right…
“LOVE U”
What is it about the letter U that I should love?
“HUG ME”
Will do. With my teeth.