Temptations for Ageism

December 30, 2011

Now for a growed-up, snack-packy edition of…


Jell-O. And they’re little Temptations pudding advertising. See, the idea is that it’s not like their other desserts (somehow). I mean, it probably still contains the exact same ingredients. But somehow this one isn’t for kids. They’re not only saying so. They’re forbidding kids from getting free samples of it through fancy machines!

The current offer is for Temptations by Jell-O, the brand’s first product designed specifically for adults. The machine is equipped with technology to determine the age of the person requesting a sample. If the machine senses a child, a panel lights up with the words, “Sorry, kid. You’re too young to experience indulgence like this. Please step away so the adults can get their free treat.”

You’re too young to experience indulgence like this? Even if I weren’t outraged on youth rights grounds, I’d want to smack the person who came up with this. Are they actually implying eating this particular pudding constitutes sex?

We’ve been discussing this a bit on the NYRA board e-mail list, and Eric Goldstein suggested the restriction could be for liability purposes. And he’s probably right. Except if that were all it is, you’d think they could at least try to be respectful about it. Having a machine say the equivalent of “ha ha, you can’t have this!” pretty much shows there’s more to it than that.
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Stop Torturing Teens? That Is SO Democrat!

December 8, 2010

And now for a partisan, torturous edition of…


I realize the Republican Party seems to exist for no other reason than to stop the Democrats from doing whatever it is they’re doing, no matter what it is. To be fair, Democrats do the reverse as well, but not quite as much, considering almost no Republicans in Congress or Senate seem to ever vote the “Democrat” side of an issue, while Democratic Congressmen and Senators do so quite a bit. And it’s pisses ordinary Democrats the hell off! But I digress.

So, as part of the Republicans’ agenda of don’t-fucking-let-anything-pass, now they’ve effectively stalled legislation to get teen behavior modification facilities some much needed regulations. HR 911 passed the House and then it’s been in a Senate committee to see if it’ll get put to a full vote before the Senate. We NYRAnians met with the chair of that committee, Senator Tom Harkin (D-IA), to help move it through the committee. The senator agrees with our position on it. The trouble was some pesky Republican Senators on that committee who seemed to have some qualms about some of what this anti-torture school legislation is asking. Seriously, go to the above link to read Alex’s piece about it in Huffington Post. These Republican Senators have a problem with things like forcing school to do things like, oh, NOT withholding food or vital medical treatment from students as therapy.
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The Proud Petless

December 23, 2009

Now for a boring, snooty edition of…


These people who do not have pets and seem to think that makes them better than everyone else.

“Ooh, look at me! I’m not some idiot who wastes money by having some smelly stupid dog around. I don’t have cat hair all over my clothes. Why would anyone want one of these stupid things? They’re such a pointless hassle. I’m smart and don’t waste my time and energy on some dumb animal.”

I’m not sure whether I want to smack these people upside the head or just fervently pity them. Maybe both.

Pity because having a dog and/or a cat is just so wonderful, a special kind of joy, and the little expenses and occasional dander and hair around the house is more than worth it.

In fact, these proudly petless jerks even overlook the single hardest thing about having pets: the sheer heartbreak when they die. Whether they just don’t wake up from a nap one day due to old age, or they ran out into the street, or they had some illness and you had to make the heart-wrenching decision to have them put down. If one were to make a case against having pets, that would be it, as any of us who’ve been through losing one knows that all too well and still feels the pain no matter how long it has been. Because when you have a pet, that’s the reality always lingering in the background, that someday you will lose your beloved furry companion.

But, goodness, don’t let one of these petless pricks know that you’re grieving for your beloved cat who was just euthanized because she had advanced cancer. They’ll be right there to inform you of how stupid and immature you are, that it’s just some dumb animal, and how they always worry about real, more important matters. Be sure to inform this person of the same after you’ve buried a screwdriver in their eye.

Grown Up Christmas List

December 3, 2009

Now for a festively ageist version of…


I’ve griped about certain Christmas songs many times before, and will surely continue to do so even long after I’m dead. So here’s another whose creator I’d like to throw screaming into the middle of the ocean.

This song is “Grown Up Christmas List”. Just the title threw up some red flags to die-hard pro-youth me. Then at some point I actually heard the song and listened to the lyrics. Yup, I’d say those red flags are quite warranted. :irked:

Basically, the song is about someone asking Santa for wars to never start, for everyone to have a friend, for love to never end. Hmmm… that sounds very nice actually. I can get on board with that. It’s a very nice song.

However! One little problem which completely ruins it and makes it not the lovely song it could be but downright objectionable. Remember that title? Yeah, the idea is that this person is asking Santa for all these nice things, as opposed asking for toys or other material things. In other words, material items are things kids ask for, but adults want nicer things like peace and love and whatnot. Because, naturally, kids are inherently selfish and just want lots of toys.

Oh, boy, yet another example of yuletide hatred of children.

Go fuck yourself with a crucifix, Amy Grant.

Stupidity Is Forever

December 26, 2008

Now for a super concentrated, sparkly edition of…


What is this obsession over diamond jewelry? What is with this cult-like indoctrination that all women ever want as a gift is diamonds?

It’s bad enough having to see the mind-numbing jewelry store commercials all the time. Oh, he went to Jared? Translation, he gave a blowjob to a guy named Jared to afford the $20,000 bracelet he just bought you.
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What the Swear Is this Curse?

December 13, 2008

Now for a profane, wicked version of…


These morons all over the place who are whiny crying idiots over so-called swear words. Oh noes, don’t use such language on TV or in public, because people might be offended.

Does it offend you? If not, then you are at least marginally respectable. If so, GOOD! You deserve to be offended, dumbass. If you’re going to give mere words and sounds so much power over you, you deserve to be miserable over it. The rest of us will carry on happily.
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Chicken Fingers and PB&J

June 4, 2008

Now, for a cultureless culinary edition of…


So I was glancing through some menus of local restaurants earlier today while I was at work, making myself hungry. Italian. Tex-Mex. Asian fusion. Good stuff. But there was one common little problem each of these menus had, a common little problem very common to menus.

It was, of course, the kids’ menu.
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Trix Wisdom

April 28, 2008

Now for a teasing, fruity version of…


Something I can say for sure that has irked me for pretty much my entire life are Trix cereal commercials. You know, you’ve got a bunch of kids enjoying Trix and the rabbit wants some, but he is denied time after time because of the classic retch-inducing line: “Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!”

So ever since I was a tiny little kid and on through to today, on the rare occasion I still watch anything early enough in the day for a Trix ad to come on, I’ve watched that poor animated rabbit suffer the jeers and taunts of the animated people refusing him a cereal he has desperately wanted. He’s had to resort to outright stealing to entering contests on the quick to disguises to whatever else, all of which could be avoided if the kids would learn to fucking share. I mean, it’s kids these ads are aimed for. But what does it teach them? Entitlement based on superficial factors. Bigotry. Selfishness. Arrogance.
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Don’t Make Me Over

December 27, 2007

And now, for a cosmetic, beautifying edition of…


We’ve all seen it. In The Breakfast Club, it was the Ally Sheedy character being remedied by Molly Ringwald. Countless Disney movies have done essentially the same. It’s the desperate need in more movies than I care to count, for fear of vomiting, to make the plain girl a pretty girl, for that is the only way she can be happy or desirable.
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