Sure, Why Not?

I hereby decree…

White supremacist families create white supremacists.

When a young person is racist, and especially when they act on that racism with a gun that no one should legally be able to have, you get all this reaching for what to blame for it, like “oh noes, social media is radicalizing them!” or it’s whatever show they watch or music they listen to, yadda yadda yadda.

It’s none of that. It’s their families.

You say “maybe he watched too many racist YouTube videos!” while ignoring that he grew up with a father who used the N-word fifty times a day and a mother who always grumbled when someone spoke Spanish at the grocery store.

Was it that white supremacist reddit that got him into “replacement theory”? Or was it listening to his grandma wax nostalgic about how nice the neighborhood was before *those* people moved in?

Did he get interested in white supremacy because of a Twitter thread? Or was it because he’d been listening to his grandpa rant about how the Civil War was a noble cause about states’ rights since before he could walk?

Did these families ever explicitly say “here, go commit some horrible racist atrocity”? Of course not. As such, they’d swear up and down they never taught him to be racist.

But they did. They planted the seed early and often.

They made white supremacy feel like home.

This doesn’t absolve him of anything. It’s still his responsibility to recognize and unlearn the racism. It’s a hard process. Many give up or don’t bother. And right wing media certainly doesn’t help.

But the process is needed in the first place because of the family.

In fact, right wing media thrives on families making white supremacy feel like home. It dissuades you from unlearning the racism and shields you from confronting white privilege by inviting you to lean into it.

Thanksgiving is easier when you agree with your racist uncle.

When white supremacy feels like home because family instilled it in you at a young age, then leaning into it means continued familial connection. Whereas unlearning it, and recognizing the toxicity and harm of all these messages you’ve been hearing your whole life, means familial disconnection and tension. Yet another reason many don’t bother to unlearn.

It’s another reason the right wing touts itself as being about family. They want to further dissuade you from unlearning the racism and thus causing this familial disconnect and tension. They profit when you don’t realize that Grandma was full of shit.

All that said, there’s no easy solution to this. But let’s at least recognize it. Don’t let these families act all shocked like “We never taught him this. Must be the video games!” and proceed to blame video games. It was them. It’s always them.

Yeah, these racist families never explicitly said “yeah, go commit some horrible racist atrocity!” but they low key taught him all his life their whiteness is under attack, that there was this problem they’d be pleased to see solved. And then act all shocked when he goes out and does so.

Originally tweeted here.

It got leaked that the Supreme Court is about to overrule Roe v Wade. Not that surprising given the Court’s current makeup: three liberals plus moderate Bush appointee, less moderate Bush appointee, Not Merrick Garland, sexual abuser who likes beer, sexual abuser who votes against youth at every possible opportunity, and woman who probably asks her husband’s permission before every ruling.

Anyway, the leaked opinion by Less Moderate Bush Appointee contains some choice passages worthy of an “is this dude serious?” glare, so let’s have a look…

We hold that Roe and Casey must be overruled. The Constitution makes no reference to abortion, and no such right is implicitly protected by any constitutional provision….

Okay, but does the constitution say anything about a dog playing basketball?

Roe was egregiously wrong from the start. Its reasoning was exceptionally weak, and the decision has had damaging consequences.

I know, right?! It allowed people with uteruses to *gasp!* make decisions about their own bodies and lives!

And far from bringing about a national settlement of the abortion issue, Roe and Casey have enflamed debate and deepened division.

Translation: “We refuse to accept the issue is settled, so we’re enflaming and dividing. LOOK WHAT YOU MADE US DO!”

It is time to heed the Constitution and return the issue of abortion to the people’s elected representatives.

Or, you know, to the people considering having abortions. Not sure anyone else has a stake.

In the years prior to [Roe v. Wade], about a third of the States had liberalized their laws, but Roe abruptly ended that political process.

Ended that political process by… settling it? Like the Court is supposed to?

It imposed the same highly restrictive regime on the entire Nation, and it effectively struck down the abortion laws of every single State.

Imposed a highly restrictive regime by… lifting restrictions? Seriously, does this guy speak English?

It represented the ‘exercise of raw judicial power’… and it sparked a national controversy that has embittered our political culture for a half-century.

Did this guy just suggest repealing Roe would end controversy and bitter political culture? Dude… look out the window!

The inescapable conclusion is that a right to abortion is not deeply rooted in the Nation’s history and traditions.

Sure it is. It’s been settled law for half a century.

An unbroken tradition of prohibiting abortion on pain of criminal punishment persisted from the earliest days of the common law until 1973.

Yeah, well, up until certain dates, no one other than land-owning white males could vote- Oh, wait, nevermind. You’re opposed to that change, too.

Voters may believe that the abortion right should be more even more [sic] extensive… Voters in other States may wish to impose tight restrictions based on their belief that abortion destroys an ‘unborn human being.’

Oh, were you saying something? I was just thinking about that time you ruled to gut the Voting Rights Act.

Our nation’s historical understanding of ordered liberty does not prevent the people’s elected representatives from deciding how abortion should be regulated.

How about, and hear me out, those who are pregnant deciding whether or not to get an abortion!

On many other occasions, this Court has overruled important constitutional decisions. … Without these decisions, American constitutional law as we know it would be unrecognizable, and this would be a different country.

Want to get started on overruling Citizens United then?

Casey described itself as calling both sides of the national controversy to resolve their debate, but in doing so, Casey necessarily declared a winning side.

Do you think your rulings don’t declare “winning sides”?

The Court short-circuited the democratic process by closing it to the large number of Americans who dissented in any respect from Roe. … Roe and Casey cannot be allowed to stand.

Most Americans want them to stand. Or does that “large number of Americans” not count?

Roe certainly did not succeed in ending division on the issue of abortion.

It wasn’t meant to. It was to allow people to get abortions if they want.

Roe ‘inflamed’ a national issue that has remained bitterly divisive for the past half-century.

No, more like the Court made a decision, and ever since the GOP, Catholics, and midwest pastors alike have been stirring their bases into a frenzy about it to get more votes, more asses in pews, and more born children to abuse.

This Court cannot bring about the permanent resolution of a rancorous national controversy simply by dictating a settlement and telling the people to move on.

Could be describing literally any Supreme Court decision here.

Whatever influence the Court may have on public attitudes must stem from the strength of our opinions, not an attempt to exercise ‘raw judicial power.’

LOL

Just… LOL

We do not pretend to know how our political system or society will respond to today’s decision overruling Roe and Casey.

Seriously?

And even if we could foresee what will happen, we would have no authority to let that knowledge influence our decision.

Despite all the ink you spilled bemoaning Roe and Casey “enflaming debate” and “deepening division”. Funny how that suddenly doesn’t matter anymore.

We can only do our job, which is to interpret the law, apply longstanding principles of stare decisis, and decide this case accordingly.

Applying stare decisis would mean leaving Roe alone because it’s already correctly settled.

We therefore hold that the Constitution does not confer a right to abortion.

Translation: “Because I’ve already got Clarence, Amy, Brett, and Neil on board, so I can do what I want. Hell, I could have just recited The Cat In The Hat here for all that it matters.”

Roe and Casey must be overruled, and the authority to regulate abortion must be returned to the people and their elected representatives.

Yes, to the people. The people who are actually pregnant. Kind of need to leave Roe and Casey in place for that.

Originally tweeted here on May 4, 2022.

SOUL MATE

A chalky sugary candy heart soul mate is probably better than a human one in a number of ways.

BE MINE

But I’m already surrounded by eight of them.

Is this all I post anymore? Meh. Let’s get to it.

Ever think about what pop culture tells us is or isn’t inherently attractive? Some ad for a dating app had, as an example of a “bad” date, some guy saying “let me tell you about my cat!” The ad implies this guy is a loser for wanting to talk cat rather than, well, the ad doesn’t really specify what actually is the “correct” thing to talk about. Also, for the record, and I’m definitely not alone on this, whether you’re a date or friend or coworker or whoever, yes, please DO tell me about your cat! And your dog and bird and fish and iguana. I want to hear about your pets. It’s probably the most delightful and inoffensive topic, and it tells a lot about a person. In fact, if you’re put off by pet talk, well, fuck off.

The other thing is back when Friends was on. It’s interesting watching the series and seeing as the show stated so authoritatively what traits or even interests were inherent turn offs. Or, at least, by sitcom dating standards, where someone could have ten sexual partners in a year and still be considered sexually unlucky. Specifically, Ross was pegged as undesirable because he was a paleontologist (despite getting married three times, because, again, sitcom logic), that anyone into science or who is geeky at all is Forever Alone. In one episode, he and Chandler are going over things about themselves that put girls off, and he mentions that “girls don’t like it when I talk about science”. And, like, dude, then you’re dating the wrong girls (and erasing female scientists). Seriously, he should have married Julie and told Rachel to fuck off, and she him, since they were presented as each other’s “lobster” and yet they did not actually get one another in any sense. Though, shit, could write a book about all the toxic messaging in that show.

But it’s not just a sitcom that, wow, is pushing twenty years since it ended (on my 21st birthday…). Certainly the Forever Alone geek remains an annoying trope. But that comes from the same thing. A geek is really just interested in something strongly. It’s part of who they are. If that’s inherently unattractive, then it follows being one’s whole self is what’s unattractive.

It’s of course a load of shit. Truth is, when you’re truly into someone, on the contrary, someone going on about their pets or their interest in dinosaurs or what have you, seeing them get all excited and animated about it, is goddamn spectacular. You don’t even have to be that interested in whatever it is. Just seeing someone you care about get into their zone is what’s amazing. If that’s a turn off, then what the fuck is wrong with you?

Of course, I haven’t even touched on other prevalent forms of wider society dictating attractiveness, namely setting beauty standards that require being thin and white. Still all bullshit. You’re dating a person, not a color or shape.

I like to think this has improved over the years, that despite bad pop culture messages about attractiveness, real people are seeing the bullshit for what it is. Maybe one could say I’m just here in my late thirties looking back at the messages absorbed when I was younger and maturing beyond it or something. But among those seeing through the bullshit are today’s teens. And I’m living today as well, if a bit older. So the shift is perhaps a maturation of society rather than the person.

My teenage years, after all, were when Friends was running.

Know what else has been around a while?

U R 2 CUTE

So does that mean the cute is doubled? Is it quantifiable?

IM SURE

Okay, great. So I used to have a big fluffy collie named- Hey, where are you going, candy heart?

*looks at recent posts* Ugh.

Well, at least I’m still doing this, for whatever that’s worth. So what happened this year? Well…

January: A Capitol Sixth

– Georgia senatorial runoff election
– Did both Democrats actually win?! Sweet!
– Oh, look, angry Orange Thing fans at the Capitol.
– And breaking into the Capitol.
– Oh dear.
– Look who’s getting impeached again!
– Though he’s done anyway, but it’s the principle of the thing.
– Here comes President Biden and Vice President Harris!

February: The F Word

– Impeachment managers make case, citing event all senators saw first hand.
– Defense yelled a lot and complained Democrats said the word “fight” at any point.
– “Good enough,” said 43 Republican senators
– Second impeachment fails

March: Ever Given

– There’s a big boat wedged in the Suez Canal. LOL
– I want a Covid vaccine. I’m eligible. Give me.

April: Phase 1C

– Damn it, get me a vaccine appointment I don’t have to drive two hours for!
– Covid Easter number two
– Finally!
– First dose!

May: Stolen Base

– I just keep getting older, I guess.
– Second dose!
– LOL Davey Martinez
– What do you mean lifting mask requirements?!
– I’m fully vaxxed now but seems too soon.

June: The Noisiest Tree

– Where are the cicadas?
– Ah, there they are!
– Hello, little golden wings!
– And… they’re gone again.

July: The Twisties

– Time for 2020 Olympics in 2021
– Needs more robots.
– Good for you, Simone Biles. Good for you.
– Where did all the Nats go?

August: Millhaven

– What do you mean Canada beat us at soccer?!
– Damn it, Canada, leave your bullshit in the winter games.
– Bronze it is, then.
– Still managed to overtake China in medal count on the last day. Yay!
– Oh, that poor condo. Goddamn lightning.
– Awesome Con!

September: Tax the Rich

– Twenty years since the bad thing happened.
– Baking show

October: Bounce It

– What do you mean 99% story completion?! What did I miss?
– Fine, I’ll do New Game Plus.
– Somewhat normal Halloween again. Despite… things.

November: Focaccia

– Oh FFS Virginia
– Not doing turkey in a bag again
– Oh, Jurgen and Crystelle!
– Covid booster!

December: Quiet Room

– Where to record this video?
– Cookies. Lots of cookies.
– Virtual festivities again.
– Christmas Eve mini pies
– No Christmas Day roast beast due to shit going on.
– So doing roast beast right now for New Year’s Eve!
– Delicious.
– And watching Encanto.

I guess I should post more. Inspiration and motivation comes and goes. I’ve still been tweeting, though. Anyway, there’s 2022 waiting up there in Times Square. While this damn virus is still not gone. Why won’t it be gone? Well, all that’s gone now is 2021. Here comes the next.

“CALL ME”

Please don’t. I hate talking on the phone.

“SMILE”

I’ll smile when/if I goddamn want to, chauvinist candy heart.

“ROCK STAR”

I’ve lived past 27, though.

“LOVE YOU”

Getting to know me better will cure you of that.

Anyway, it’s Valentine’s Day, perhaps now the last holiday left to be affected by COVID, as we’ve almost come all the way around the sun from when all the lockdowns and restrictions began. Still a ways to go with all this. Times are very unpredictable.

Which leads me to my topic today.

People like to say “there’s someone for everyone” or “you’ll meet the right person”. This absolute certainty that somewhere in the future is the Perfect Partner.

Well, here’s the thing no one likes to point out. No, there is absolutely no guarantee of ever meeting some “perfect” person. Obviously. Hell, there’s no guarantee of even meeting and getting together with an adequate person.

And, no, it’s not because you necessarily did anything “wrong”. I mean, maybe you did. Everyone is flawed and dealbreaking stuff happens. But there’s all kinds of reasons. For some romance to happen, one person has to be into the other person AND the other person has to be into them AND there needs to be some degree of compatibility. Any one of these can be rare on its own, but for all three to happen? That’s downright miraculous. Far from a certainty.

There’s especially the issue when someone might still be figuring out they are gay or asexual or are otherwise trying to figure out something intrinsic about themself that could be affecting things. Which, again, definitely not a fault or a flaw. Just who one is.

The point is, sure, a lot of people manage that trifecta (or commonly enough just two out of three, with that lack of compatibility or mutuality coming back to bite sooner or later). But a lot don’t. There’s no guarantee someone will.

And that’s okay!

There’s more to life.

Maybe instead of empty assurances of some eventual happy ever after (and, you know, never take advice from someone who thinks those words ever apply to relationships!), stop acting like romantic pairing is the Most Important Thing. A requirement. A given. A guarantee. Because it’s not, and it doesn’t actually help anyone or anything to act like it is.

Life is complicated. We all are on many paths and get our joys and sorrows from all sorts of things. We can’t always anticipate the next step. Whatever will be will be.

Yadda, yadda, yadda…

Anyway, more candy hearts!

“MISS YOU”

I’m right here.

“DREAM”

How many seeming achievements of the aforementioned trifecta turn out to be that?

“LET’S HANG”

Not if we don’t get caught by the sheriff!

“NICE”

Okay, but if I eat a different heart, are you just going to bitch about being “friend zoned” or some shit?

“LAUGH”

Oh, I already am.

…

(Sorry.)

…

Anyway, let’s get on with this shitshow.

January: Imminent Threat

-Oh, awesome, we might be about to go to war with Iran.
-Meanwhile, year-old conversation between Sanders and Warren for some reason.
-Victoria, good. William Shatner, bad.
-Hmm. Keep seeing mention of some virus in China. Yikes, hope they get that contained.

February: A Matter of Right and Wrong

-I missed the groundhog’s prediction. What was it, Chiefs or 49ers?
-Senate votes to acquit… surprise, surprise.
-Iowa caucus at long last. And it goes to… Sanders or Buttigieg, probably?
-Though looks like Biden didn’t really perform at all?
-Bernie gets New Hampshire and Nevada!
-And there’s Biden snatching South Carolina.
-Parasite. Good for them.
-Meanwhile, that virus hasn’t gone away…

March: Flatten the Curve

-Super Tuesday!
-Oof, Biden is back in this race and running away with it.
-Sigh, so much for Bernie.
-The virus is here.
-Better wash hands a lot and disinfect groceries.
-Everything is closing.
-Sports are postponed indefinitely.
-For how long?

April: Various Corn

-Looks like Easter is coming up. Need people to stay home.
-My Easter tradition is mostly unaffected by virus. That’s good.
-Okay, time to mask up!
-What do you mean some governors want to open their states back up? Cases are rising!
-Oh, they’re doing it to please the Orange Thing? Okay then…
-100,000 miles!
-My primary got postponed to June. Though Bernie dropped out so it’s just Biden.
-And I thought grocery shopping was hell before…
-Blueberry muffins!

May: Hydroxychloroquine

-Must bake.
-Birthday. Meh.
-Must bake.
-So tired of parents trashing their kids totally unprompted just to make small talk in conference calls.
-Must bake.
-Brownies!
-And with the senseless murder of George Floyd, we have another explosion of protests for racial justice.
-Complete with cops beating up and arresting journalists. -_-

June: I Can’t Breathe

-Time for primary. To drop off ballot that had only just arrived four days ago.
-Keep your TERF mouth shut, Rowling.
-Must bake.
-Racial justice protests still going strong!

July: Person Woman Man Camera TV

-Chili and berry cake!
-No ‘splosions though. Because of virus.
-Holy crap, the football team is regenerating…
-Mmm… delicious blondies!
-John Lewis 🙁
-First pitch from Fauci!

August: Ammonium Nitrate

-Yikes, poor Beirut!
-Tarp trouble.
-And it’s Kamala Harris for VP.
-The postal service is being fucked with.
-I baked something that didn’t taste good. Now I’m annoyed.
-Now I baked something very tasty. Yay!

September: Phosphine

-Life on Venus? Sure, throw it on this year’s pile…
-Don’t yell at me.
-Must bake.
-NOOOOOOOOO
-Was that… was that the debate?

October: Someone’s Crazy Uncle

-Virtual NYRA conference!
-LOL Orange Thing got the virus
-Fly on Pence’s head at the debate
-Savannah Guthrie saying what needs to be said
-Dropped off ballot!
-Dallas sucks
-Not very many trick or treaters because virus 🙁

November: Red Mirage

-Here goes…
-Polls are closed.
-Results trickling in.
-Trickling…
-Just keep counting… just keep counting…
-States looking good for Biden swing to Orange Thing.
-States looking good for Orange Thing swing to Biden.
-Just keep counting… just keep counting…
-Ignore the armed right wing “poll watchers”
-Just staying up all night and all day at work with CNN…
-And on Saturday morning…
-YAAAAAASSSSSSS
-Dancing in the streets.
-Orange Thing is OUT
-Total Landscaping
-Car maintenance is expensive
-Macy’s Parade without spectators!
-Again, Dallas sucks
-Solo Thanksgiving… for everyone who’s smart

December: They’re Goats

-Or not smart. Cases went up.
-Oh, fucking shit, I’ve got mice in my damn house again.
-Cookies!
-Snow!
-Winter Festival!
-Er… virtual Zoom poetry reading Winter Festival because virus.
-Cookies!
-Look at that, you fucked with the postal service, and now all the Christmas packages are late.
-Certified Electoral College results. It’s Joe Biden!
-Christmas crisp
-Christmas Eve service… via YouTube live… earlier in the evening.
-Solo Christmas
-IT’S SNOWING ON CHRISTMAS MORNING! IT’S SNOWING ON CHRISTMAS MORNING!
-ROAST BEAST
-Soul as New Year’s Eve movie (on Disney+, theaters are kind of not a thing at the moment)

It was the first two months that feel like a century ago, with their own worries and issues, and then March hit and everything changed and ever since it’s been waiting and seeing and trying to maintain our mental and physical health all the while. We blame the year, though COVID-19 is called that because it began in 2019, its own little parting gift that 2020 had to deal with. Mercifully, we have a new president next month, one who takes all this and the job itself seriously, even if not without his own many flaws. There are vaccines being administered and more coming out. So there’s a little bit to be hopeful about, even if going in 2021 just under an hour from now won’t magically change anything right away. For a little while still, we need to adapt to the situation where we can.

And wear a fucking mask!

There’s 2021, up there in Times Square as usual, above absolutely no crowds very unusually. I guess we’ll just have to see what happens…

There are way way way way way too many versions of A Christmas Carol. Anyway, here’s another, with a couple of twists. Merry Christmas!

Marley was dead.

Ebenezer Scrooge gazed up at the “Scrooge & Marley” sign over his business on the seventh anniversary of his partner’s passing, his face impassive while filled with an emotion he could not identify, or a series of emotions he could not parse. He allowed only a minute or two for this before proceeding on inside.

It was also Christmas Eve, a fact Scrooge made a point to ignore. He sat at his desk. After a moment, he opened one of his desk drawers and gazed at something inside it. Then he shut it again and got to work, ignoring the sounds of carols and charitable requests going on outside.

“Merry Christmas!” came a cheery voice from his office doorway.
(more…)

Day 1: *looks at last year’s*

And then once again it’ll be May 24, to do this again in 2020, for round 20, whatever form the world will be in then. Whatever indeed.

Oh… oh man… Yikes.

Day 7: Brownies! Mmmm…

Day 8: No big deal, just cops attacking the journalists witnessing them attacking peaceful civilians, that’s totally fine and not at all abhorrent!

Day 10: Primary voting in the time of COVID.

Day 11: Just sayin…

Day 13: I’m not budging…

Day 14: Hey, JK Rowling, would you please shut the fuck up and sit your ass down?

Day 28: Eating fries for first time since before pandemic and this is heaven.

Day 29: Raspberry muffins! So sweet!

Day 33: Raspberry brownies! Look at those dents!

Day 36: Time for a goodbye.

Day 38: Nectarine muffins! Not bad, feels like it needs another flavor.

Day 41: A review?

Day 42: Berry cake!

Day 44: Still not budging…

Day 48: Time for another goodbye.

Day 49: Blackberry muffins! A little dry but tasty.

Day 51: The regeneration sequence begins…

Day 53: Strawberry blueberry muffins! Not bad but could be better.

Day 56: John Lewis

Day 61: Nailed it!

Day 63: Strawberry chocolate chip blondies! So rich! Like eating a syrup soaked pancake!

Day 68: Strawberry brownies! Very tasty, if my powdered sugar skills could use some work.

Day 72: Cinnamon nectarine blondies! WOW! This is the most amazing thing I’ve tasted in a long time. And I made it myself!

Day 78: Tarp trouble!

Day 80: And… it’s Kamala Harris.

Day 81: Blueberry cereal muffins! Hmm. Overestimated how absorbent the cereal would be so reduced the flour but batter was too wet. Still came out tasty, though.

Day 85: Blackberry cereal muffins! Slightly overbaked maybe but very tasty.

Day 87: Cool state roll call!

Day 89: Blueberry lemon blondies! They’re… awful. Underbaked. Flavors combined in a weird and off-putting way. Blueberries themselves are very good. The rest of it, not so much. Damn.

Day 95: Chocolate strawberry muffins! Very good. Strawberries practically melted into the batter. Not too overpowering but satisfying.

Day 96: Fight the power, NBA and WNBA and MLB and others. Proud of you.

Day 97: Chadwick Boseman

Day 98: You all remember we’re supposed to be social distancing, right? Because you’re not acting like you remember.

Day 99: I should bake but I’m playing a game instead. Tomorrow…

And finally…

Strawberry almond cinnamon blondies! Forget what I said three weeks ago. This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever tasted. And I made it myself!

As these 100 Day of Summer draw to a close, it’s a world quickly doing away with the old or just plain changing a whole lot. Such is the business of life. Time for another goodbye, closing out Round 20 and 2000 days of whatever this is.

We’ll see what’s next…

This has been Day 100 of the 100 Days of Summer, Round 20.

People really liked Easter a lot
But the Coronavirus… did not.

January through March, worldwide it spread
Countries locked down, thousands were dead.

Can’t gather again until sometime later
No Easter brunch nor Passover seder

The virus looked forward to April the twelfth
For on this day the biggest blow would be dealt

The bees would be buzzing, the flowers in bloom
The faithful would marvel at the empty tomb.

Easter was coming, virus knew what they’d do
To the Stay Home orders they’d say “screw you!”

For how could the most faithful resist
To gather, rejoice that Jesus is risen!

And when they’d all go to church and pray
Coronavirus would grow three sizes that day!

Empty streets lay under the Paschal full moon
Coronavirus knew it would strike real soon

The day dawned Easter Sunday morn
Coronavirus to sicken so many more

But as it turned out, the virus was wrong
Because rising up, all around, came the song.

Welcome Easter! Welcome Spring!
From our own homes we sing.

Welcome Easter! Quarantine
Protect us from COVID-19.

The virus was perplexed, could not explain
Somehow Easter still came just the same!

It came without egg hunts. Came without mass.
Everyone stayed safely at home on their ass.

The churches were empty just like the tomb
But people stayed home and met via Zoom

Still bloom did the flowers, buzz did the bees
Still we ate Cadbury Eggs and marshmallow peeps

Celebrations called but we kept our nerve
To stay away so to flatten the curve.

Corona devastates, this much is true
But we’re more powerful than ten viruses plus two!

Easter will come back again and again
Coronavirus will be long gone by then

For now we must still stay inside
Social distancing so to stay alive

Welcome Easter! Welcome Spring!
From our own homes we sing!

Welcome Easter! In our heart
As we stay six feet apart.

Welcome Easter! While we stand
At the sink, washing our hands.

Welcome Easter! Quarantine
We shall survive COVID-19.

“CUTIE” Aww, thanks little candy heart.

“YES” I… didn’t ask anything?

“KISS ME” Well, you don’t mess around, do you!

Yup, it’s Valentine’s Day, and once again I’ve got some conversation hearts. SweeTarts ones in a little box about the size of a deck of cards because I didn’t get to the store until yesterday and that’s all that was left. Good enough.

Anyway…

Why is jealousy so stigmatized?

No, really. It happens to everyone. You can’t just turn it off. And it sucks.

Here’s a classic scenario. Say you have a partner you’re incredibly glad to have. This partner at some point makes a new friend they like a whole lot and spend a lot of time with. And you? You find that each time your partner spends time with said friend or even mentions them you get this sickly feeling in your stomach. Partner is having such a good time with this person, but do they still enjoy you? Might the time they spend with this friend make them realize you actually kind of suck and they’re better off without you?

You don’t want to feel this way. You don’t want to be That Person. You know full well that no one person can meet all of anyone’s interpersonal needs and that it’s important to have others in one’s life, so it’s unrealistic to expect partner to drop this friend, not to mention toxic as hell. So you know what’s right and it’s all in good faith, and as such there’d be no point in responding to said feelings with anything like “shut up, your partner has a right to have friends, stop being a jealous loser!”

And that’s the trouble. You’re not only having these very much unwanted feelings but are being made to feel like you’re a toxic asshole because of it. Or that you’re just hopelessly insecure. And that just makes the feelings so much worse. I mean, if you’re feeling this way, it might be wise to actually discuss it with partner. But, no, you can’t do that. Then partner would know you’re having these toxic asshole insecure feelings and would just further convince them that they should leave. Maybe this just convinces yourself that you’re less and less worthy of having this person or anyone in your life because you’re -gasp!- jealous.

Jealousy is a very normal feeling, and we all feel it once in a while. Anyone who claims to be “above” it is a liar. The important thing is trying to figure out where it’s coming from and work on finding a way of making it stop that way. Which is, of course, so much harder when you’re made to feel like you’re a piece of shit because of it. Feeling like a piece of shit is where it comes from in the first place.

Jealousy is like this alarm in your head that just won’t stop going off, signaling that something is very wrong, real or imagined. Going back to the example, the partner’s friend isn’t the problem, and you know that. The problem is that there’s some need of yours that’s either not being fulfilled or is in jeopardy, or at least seems to be. You are absolutely in mental anguish right now.

I’m not going to venture any guess as to what a specific solution might be, as that varies from person to person. But a lot of it is figuring out what need is being unfulfilled and trying to satisfy it. We all need to be loved. We all need to be seen and heard. We all need to have our efforts recognized. We all need understanding when we are hurting. We all need to be reassured that everything is going to be okay.

None of this is to say that any toxic behavior as a result of jealousy (or anything else for that matter) should be tolerated. Being jealous is not a choice, but what you do about it absolutely is. But I’m just saying it helps to stop acting like this some-need-is-in-peril-or-unmet anguish is anything other than very normal and very human. And to remember that anyone going through it is still very much worthy of love and companionship.

At least the candy hearts understand.

“XOXO” Affection little candy heart.

“MAYBE” Ah, you’re more discerning than that YES one, I see.

“LOVE U” Despite having negative feelings sometimes? Aww, thanks!

Yesterday was another Superbowl, a day about a sports championship that has ballooned into a showcase of weird ads, short midgame concerts, and admiration of owls. And a geography fail from someone we expect it from. Anyway, here’s another post full of embedded tweets.

I missed the groundhog's prediction. What was it? Chiefs or 49ers? #SuperBowl

— Katrina M (@sciville) February 2, 2020

Finished making game food but missed Puppy Bowl and they were playing something else when I came back. Hmm. Oh, well. Might as well see prelude to Man Bowl. #SuperBowl

Looks like pointless patriotic theater. Of course. #SuperBowl

Even I find it weird I’m making more of a holiday out of the #SuperBowl than I did for the World Series seeing as, one, I’ve barely watched any football this past season, and, two, my own damn team was in the World Series!

You see, celebrating notable players like that was nice and makes sense for the event. Flag worship does not. #SuperBowl
(more…)

Suddenly, lowering the voting age to 16 is a mainstream issue.

It got a lot of support in Congress, if not enough. The issue is being asked of presidential candidates. More and more places are proposing the change. Nancy Pelosi is even claiming she’d always supported it, even though not really but hey still glad to have her on board now.

Wow.

This issue is one of NYRA’s “holy trinity”, along with drinking age and curfews. When someone would come up to our table at some event all like “the National Youth Rights Association? what’s that?” we’d reply that we’re about those three things and that we look at all the ways youth are discriminated against. They might react with a non-committal shrug and be on their way.

But now it’s 2020, and the 16 voting age has come shockingly close to becoming a thing nationwide. It’s not just coming from us and a few allies anymore. Somehow, some way, it caught at last and everyone is talking about it and seriously considering it.

So let’s say it happens. Hell, let’s say voting and drinking ages get dropped to 12 and curfew laws are all repealed. What would NYRA be anymore? Would there be any reason for such an organization to exist?

The answer is, yes, of course. In fact, I’d say NYRA is needed more than ever now.
(more…)

Sometimes there’s a story you know that suddenly, well, continues. Maybe after a long time. Maybe unexpectedly. Maybe the continuation existed for some time and you’re only now finding it. Well, it’s New Year’s Eve, and so ends 2019, a year of an inordinate number of next installments. And, just in general, the end of one year and beginning of another, a next installment in itself. Whatever. Let’s do this thing.

January: Water Event

-What was that?
-What did you just send me?!
-Replaying this game a lot.
-Reading, too.
–The Book of Dust: La Belle Sauvage
-Wait, is it finally out?!
-Vice

February: Revivify

-Time for the game!
-Nothing’s happening, nothing’s happening…
-It’s over. A lot of people in the audience look pissed.
–Final Fantasy III/VI
-Unexpected snow day!

March: Ground Chicken

-Maybe I’d better finally do this and see what happens.
-Gathering information
-Did Ayanna Pressley propose a lower voting age AND use my hashtag?!
–How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World
-And I’m stranded.
-Better get that looked at.
-Stranded again.
-Alright, need a new battery.
-What do you mean Bryce Harper went to the Phillies?!
-Is this still any good to eat or not?
-Maybe we all drink too much.
-Hmm, Nats aren’t off to a great start.

April: Walk-Off Walk

-Are the Nats going to win, like, ever?
-Holy shit, a walk-off walk!
-I’ve always wanted to see a walk-off walk!
-Captain Marvel
-Let’s see what this information gathering is turning into.
-Ah..
-On Monday it’s women in science.
-On Tuesday it’s a thing about an iceberg whose whole point was to make a Simpsons joke.
-On Wednesday, DEATH!
-On Thursday we’re not so great as a species after all.
-On Friday TREES
-On Saturday okay maybe we do some good things as a species.
-All leading to Easter Sunday at Brookside
-Time for AwesomeCon
-I bought way too many shirts.

May: Series 2 Episode 3

-I found it!
–Avengers: Endgame
-Let’s replay Kingdom Hearts
-Birthday pizza and ice cream sundae.
-And now Kingdom Hearts 2!
-What do you mean you’re out of the Ryan Zimmerman Captain America bobbleheads?!
-Oh, well, we shut them out. It’s the Marlins, but still.

June: Obsolescence Insurance

-Are you really whining at me about something I posted nine years ago?
-Okay, done with Kingdom Hearts 2? What now?
-Play the third, of course!
-And to get a PlayStation 4!
-And the ancillary games. I guess I’d better play those first.
–Kingdom Hears: Chain of Memories
-Okay, this card thing is weird.
-Star Wars game!
-And they lost bad to the Diamondbacks. Ugh.
-But Obi-Sean Kenobi Doolittle bobblehead!
-Maybe don’t ship us stuff on Thursday since getting stuck a day in Memphis is a thing that happens.
-Now I have to go to work on Saturday!
–Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep
-Isn’t that Roxas?
–Toy Story 4

July: Oxygen Sensor

-Hmm, old TV is broken. Set up the new one!
-We won the World Cup again!
-Megan Rapinoe > you
-Time for Lights for Liberty
-Check engine light?!
-Break from Kingdom Hearts for Crash Bandicoot remake. Not bad.
-The Nats got their asses kicked by the Dodgers and all I got was this sweet tote bag.

August: Special Portal

–Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance
-At the fair!
-At long last…
–Kingdom Hearts 3
-New version of The Lion King
-Book festival on Day 100

September: Orichalcum+

-Nats had been doing great but are kind of faltering again.
-I’ll go see them play the Braves…
-Let us never speak of the Braves game again
-And finally forged the damn Ultima Weapon
-Oh. I’ve finished Kingdom Hearts 3.
-Whatever should I do with myself now?
-Holy fuckshit, did the Nats manage to snag the NL Wild Card?!
-Bazaar!

October: #22

-Holy fuckshit, the Nats beat the NL Wild Card game.
-Well, time for another NLDS
-And the Dodgers destroyed Game 1
-Managed to force Game 5, here we go again…
-Kershaw blew the save…
-KENDRICK GRAND SLAMMED…
-The Nats got past the NLDS.
–Downton Abbey
-Time to die against the Cardinals.
-What the shit, we swept the Cardinals?!
-How..?!
-Oh, my God, the Nats are in the World Series.
-Against… the Houston Astros on shorter rest and thus uninterrupted momentum.
-We’re doomed.
-And Baby Shark was done at the World Series
-LOL Orange Thing got booed at Nats Park
-Well, get this over with…
-Wait… what?!
-!!!!
-NATIONALS WIN THE WORLD SERIES!!!
-Oh, and Halloween

November: Gloo Gloo

-Championship parade!
-I’ll just ignore any news about them on Monday
–Rayman Legends

December: We’re Mules Now

-Cookies
-Holiday party
-Redoing 2014 Winter Festival
–Frozen 2
-Another holiday party
-Shopping
-Lights
-Cookies
-IMPEACHED!
-Getting food
-Holy what, Silent Night has a fourth verse?!
-Christmas Day
-Simultaneous Simpsons and Doctor Who marathons
–The Book of Dust: The Secret Commonwealth
-Lights
–Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

There’s often more to a story, whether desirable or not, whether welcome or not. Though even if disappointing or underwhelming, it’s nice to know an end hasn’t been reached.

Anyway, it’s New Year’s Eve, and this part of the story ends, the one that arbitrarily lies inside the year 2019, and onto 2020 in about an hour, onto the next phase of whatever. It’s a leap year. There will be an Olympics. And, notably, there will be the chance to throw the Orange Thing out on his ass in November and please God let him be thrown out. Whatever it is, we go into the next part. Here goes…

It’s officially winter now. Here’s a song I’ve been hearing a lot…

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?

If I’m hearing this song, I’m already listening to a lot of Christmas music, so I’d say yes.

In the lane snow is glistening

I wish. Supposed to get up to 50 degrees this week.

A beautiful sight we’re happy tonight
Walking in a winter wonderland.

Snow walking is better than regular walking.

Gone away is the bluebird
Here to stay is the new bird

You were having trouble finding a rhyme there, weren’t you.

They sing a love song as we go along
Walking in a winter wonderland

Stalker birds? Or do they think they’re in a Disney movie?

In the meadow we can build a snowman

Awesome.

And pretend that he is Parson Brown

Why?

He’ll say “Are you married?” We’ll say “No, man.
But you can do the job while you’re in town.”

Now there’s a roundabout marriage proposal.

Later on, we’ll conspire

No more conspiracy theories. Snopes has enough to debunk as it is.

As we dream by the fire

Too cold to dream outside?

To face unafraid the plans that we made
Walking in a winter wonderland

Try not to be scared that you just agreed to be legally bound to spend a lot more time together.

In the meadow we can build a snowman

What are you locking yourselves into now?

And pretend that he’s a circus clown.

Tonight, the time by the fire will be less dreaming and more “can’t sleep, snow clown’ll eat me”.

We’ll have lots of fun with Mr. Snowman
Until the other kiddies knock him down (come around).

“Other” kiddies? Ah, given the whole getting married thing earlier on I figured you were older. Whatever the case for whichever lyrics, these other kids seem to be saving you from the evil clown snowman.

When it snows ain’t it thrilling

Yes! Yes, it is.

Though your nose gets chilling

This cold nose thing is reminding me of the first couple lines of The Christmas Song. Almost expecting a culturally insensitive reference to-

We’ll frolic and play the Eskimo way

That’s racist.

Walking in a winter wonderland.

Maybe just stay inside. You’re getting delirious.

It began as it always does in the spring. And from there…

Spring is here. There's buds on the trees. I'm screaming in DC sports fan agony.

Yup, baseball is back! https://t.co/Ys9sBCyXdg

— Katrina M (@sciville) March 30, 2019

Sigh. Put the Nats back in Spring Training. They're not ready yet. 😑

— Katrina M (@sciville) April 3, 2019

⚾️⚾️I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE A WALK-OFF WALK!!!! ⚾️⚾️ https://t.co/FtXM9sO4nP

— Katrina M (@sciville) April 4, 2019

(more…)

It’s once again my annual countdown to nothing, and nothing has again arrived.

And I haven’t posted since Easter, despite having a lot of things in the works. What have I been busy with? Mostly running around Disney universes beating up monsters with a giant key. And watching the Nats dance. And tweeting regarding some of it. Let’s just get right to it.

Day 1,

This IS my Final Form! #KingdomHearts2 pic.twitter.com/IUerioDTCD

— Katrina M (@sciville) May 25, 2019

Day 2,

I arrived an hour and a half before first pitch and they were already out of those Ryan Zimmerman Captain America bobbleheads. 😠

— Katrina M (@sciville) May 25, 2019

Day 3,

Underworld Tournaments:
3% fighting
2% using cure spells/items
95% playing ukulele with Stitch#KingdomHearts2

— Katrina M (@sciville) May 26, 2019

Day 4,

Not everyone who sacrifices for this country wears a uniform. Not every threat to this country comes from the outside. Many sacrifice everything to fight the bigotry and injustice that threaten to rot this country from the inside. #MemorialDay

— Katrina M (@sciville) May 27, 2019

Day 6, “I need… more rage. I need… more hearts.”

Day 10, I don’t always spill food on myself, but when I do, it’s onto clothes that came out of the dryer two hours ago.

Day 13, oh, did you not like my word choice nine years ago?

Day 19, went to the store for: 1) Kingdom Hearts: The Story So Far, for PlayStation 4, 2) Kingdom Hearts 3, for PlayStation 4, 3) a PlayStation 4.

Day 20, WTF is up with this card system?

Day 23, Obi-Sean Kenobi bobblehead

Day 25, where the fuck is my box?!

Day 29, what do you mean stuck in Memphis?!

Day 30, guess I got to go get it, on a Saturday!

Day 35,

The candidates being asked last night what they'll do about Mitch McConnell. Like, I don't know, drop this ill-fated president thing and run for Senate and make him not leader anymore? I'm looking at you, Mr. Necesitamos Incluir Cada Persona!

— Katrina M (@sciville) June 28, 2019

Day 37, done with this card business, now for the prequel with, uh, wait, isn’t that Roxas?

Day 39, don’t do it, Woody!

Day 42, made chili, because I’m American, Americans make chili.

Day 46, TV is broken, long live the new TV!

Day 47,

"Stupid Americans don't know anything about football…"

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of WE JUST WON THE WORLD CUP!!!! #USWNT 🇺🇸

— Katrina M (@sciville) July 7, 2019

Day 50,

I like this one. #LightsforLiberty pic.twitter.com/by1kBbSd6o

— Katrina M (@sciville) July 12, 2019

Day 60, this game just keeps going and going, doesn’t she get out of the darkness?

Day 61, break from Sora and friends for Crash Bandicoot remake.

Day 62, The graphics are beautiful and the music is sharper. But that log spinning bullshit in Great Gate and Native Fortress is still bullshit.

Day 65, watched the Nats get their asses handed to them by the Dodgers and all I got was this tote bag.

Day 67, not even the garlic festivals are safe.

Day 68, Sora and Riku have their own Pokem- er, I mean, “spirits”.

Day 82,

Do I look like the kind of person who ran around the rabbit barn to each cage saying "hello, bunny!" in a freakishly high pitched voice?

Okay, that's exactly what I did and OMG YOU'RE STANDING ON YOUR HIND LEGS EATING FROM YOUR BOWL!!! #mocofair pic.twitter.com/WdJtLHiVVc

— Katrina M (@sciville) August 14, 2019

Day 84,

Yup. I ate this. #mocofair pic.twitter.com/WI7Vrz0yx2

— Katrina M (@sciville) August 16, 2019

Day 86,

Last night of the fair. Some deep fried Oreos to have as a late night snack. Not bad! #mocofair pic.twitter.com/oGJG52bzt6

— Katrina M (@sciville) August 18, 2019

Day 87, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop… looking for Special Portals.

Day 89, the other game still hasn’t ended, she’s still in the darkness.

Day 90, and, at long last… Kingdom Hearts 3

Day 93, John Oliver is Zazu

Day 100, it’s a festival of dead tree sandwiches.

As these 100 Days of Summer draw to a close, I once again ask why am I even still doing this relic of college days half my life ago? Maybe it’s for some connection to my earlier life, that even as things change, certain rituals remain. But there’s no shortage of that. Up next the baseball season will give way to the postseason. Then Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year’s and the Superbowl and Valentine’s Day and Lent and Easter and then I’ll be all “holy shit, how am I 37?!” And then once again it’ll be May 24, to do this again in 2020, for round 20, whatever form the world will be in then. Whatever indeed.

This has been Day 100 of the 100 Days of Summer, Round 19.

Over the past 47 days I’ve looked up various information about our world and ourselves. And, I’ve got to say, when you really look at it, we’re in and part of a magical place. We all began as star stuff that formed and evolved under just right and unlikely conditions, and here we all are, on our Earth, on this beautiful (here in Montgomery County MD anyway) Easter Sunday.

As I write this, I’m sitting in Brookside Gardens in Wheaton, where I’ve come for Easter for eleven years now. And, given the line of cars I was in to get in here, a lot of other people have the same idea. And for good reason! It’s gorgeous and peaceful here, full of bright blooming flowers and budding trees. And everyone walking along the path in front of me, young and old, of any race, speaking multiple languages. Some in their Easter outfits having come here from church. Some in yarmulkes, to go on this evening to a seder. And so many others, walking among the flowers and in the sunshine.

What I see is what the world could and should be. I see the shared appreciation of a botanical garden on a spring day.

This past week, I wrote about the women scientists who despite misogyny made huge discoveries about our universe. I wrote about the bizarre iron-rich green icebergs and then some extremely dangerous but fascinating geographic and geologic features around the world. Then about some animals and their amazing abilities. And then some weird trees. Finally, some scientific articles I’d recently read, an all too small sampling of our species’ boundless creativity and innovation.

Outside this place and this day, it’s back to being reminded of all that’s wrong in the world. Even here, they have an exhibit about plastic pollution, a serious problem in need of our so very human ingenuity to solve and clean up. The diversity of the walkers in front of me is elsewhere a reason to kill and enact horrific xenophobic policies. The sexist attitudes that inhibit female scientists are still around, if much less so.

So many of these social issues are a distraction. How much energy gets wasted on ridiculous concerns like someone’s citizenship or skin color or sexual orientation or religion? How much energy is wasted on excessive accumulation of wealth and power by those with zero interest in actually using it for any greater good?

We’re humans. We are life on planet Earth. We are aware of ourselves and our place in the universe. We are the cosmos made conscious, the means by which the universe understands itself. Our presence, our existence, our progress is all a miracle. We inherited the universe in our own time to make our contribution and pass it on to those after us.

So we have to create and innovate, to cure and investigate, to fix and try again and again. We have to take care of each other and explore the world and universe around us and use it all responsibly, to do better each time. This is our sacred purpose. It’s just that simple and just that astoundingly difficult. But we can and must do it.

Happy Easter!

Each of us
A cell of awareness
Imperfect and incomplete
Genetic blends
With uncertain ends
On a fortune hunt that’s far too fleet.

Rush, “Freewill“

Where would science be without humans thinking “hey, I’ve got an idea, hear me out…”? Nowhere, because that’s what science is, in a way. We’ve got a natural world and a lot of problems, so we do what humans do and think of how to solve those problems with what nature and the universe has already provided, that we may or may not know about yet.

Need better energy sources? Try bacteria!

When some researchers placed some electrodes into a hot pool at Yellowstone, they found some extremophile bacteria who live in that pool generate a very small amount of electricity. Similarly, other types of bacteria have been found to generate energy from organic matter, or at least they could with the appropriate metabolic tweaking. It seems to be in its early stages, but it could be a viable clean energy source. Very nice.

Need to protect coral reefs from warming oceans? Engineering to the rescue!

Climate change is a clear and imminent problem. On top of reducing emissions, what else can be done? Coral reefs are particularly in trouble, as the rising ocean temperatures are damaging and killing them. So what are some scientists suggesting? Make coral that can withstand the higher temperatures! This could be through controlled crossbreeding or gene editing or other measures. Others are straight up suggesting making clouds brighter, to reflect sunlight away from warming the ocean, an idea that seems neat if desperate and also could easily make things a whole lot worse. But, hey, climate change is a huge problem, and good to float some ideas.

Need to make a lake less deadly and give your people electricity? Maybe a joint solution for that.

A couple days ago, I mentioned Lake Nyos in Cameroon, which had an explosive release of carbon dioxide which killed almost everyone in the surrounding villages in one night. On the border of Rwanda and Congo is another lake which could well do the same thing, Lake Kivu. And worse, as it’d be an even bigger explosion that could kill two million people. Like with Nyos, there are pipes in place to release the carbon dioxide and methane gases in smaller doses to hopefully prevent a disaster. In fact, the methane is being used as a power source for Rwanda! So at the same time, they reduce the gas attack threat from the lake and provide electricity to more people and improve their lives. Yay! Will these measures hold and keep the people around the lake safe? We’ll see. And hopefully they won’t do something astoundingly stupid like drill for oil in Lake Could-Explode-And-Murder-Everyone-At-Any-Moment.

Need to clean your particle accelerator? Get a ferret!

In 1971, the National Accelerator Laboratory in Batavia, IL needed to clean the inside of the particle accelerator and clean it well, as even the tiniest speck would screw up their work. So, of course, they get a ferret named Felicia. Ferrets naturally crawl into small dark holes, so she wouldn’t have issues crawling through the accelerator tubes, dragging a big swab behind her to clean it as she went. And it worked! She did this for a while until a robot took over her job. Typical. She died the following year of a ruptured intestinal abscess. Rest in peace and power, Felicia. On another note, at CERN a couple years ago, a beech marten chewed on some wires, and cut the power to the Large Hadron Collider and fried itself in the process. That one was less helpful.

Need to examine lake pollution? How about a robotic eel!

Taking multiple measurements and samples from all over a lake is time consuming and cumbersome and just plain annoying. So some researchers in Switzerland made a robot eel for the job in Lake Geneva. It’s called Envirobot, and it moves through the water gently so to not disturb the water too much itself, and it’s made up of multiple chambers with different sensors for different physical, chemical, and biological tests for the water. It makes these measurements in real time and can map out the source of any contamination, among other things. Pretty sweet.

Need an image of a black hole? Make the whole planet one big telescope!

Just ten days ago, an image of a supermassive black hole was released, the first ever generated. How did they manage that? In a nutshell, with the combined efforts of eight observatories around the world, they formed the Event Horizon Telescope, essentially turning our planet itself into a telescope to collect the energy from this 26,000-light-year-away event horizon. From this they compiled all that data and put together an image of it that we saw all over the place last week. Good job, humans!

(I may not have explained all of these correctly. Sorry for any inaccuracies. Check out the links for better info.)

One time I saw a tree that was four trees.

Really. See?

It’s four big trees that, at their base, you can see are all just part of an even bigger one. So it’s a tree that’s four trees. There’s no other way to describe it.

Here’s a tree that’s eight trees.

This is the Octopus Tree on the coast of Oregon at Cape Meares. It’s a couple hundred years old and has been an important ceremonial site for the Tillamook tribe. Either the Tillamook themselves bent the tree like this, or the wind did it. Either way, there it is.

Here’s a tree that’s forty trees.

It looks like just one ordinary tree, but it’s actually got parts of a bunch of trees grafted onto it, all stone fruit trees, so this one tree grows plums, peaches, apricots, almonds, and others. It’s called the Tree of 40 Fruit and it’s a work of art as well as conservation.

Here’s a tree that’s 40,000 trees!

It’s called Pando, and it’s part of Fishlake National Forest in Utah. What appears to be a grove of multiple quaking aspens roughly 130 years old are actually genetically identical stems all connected to an underground root system estimated to be about 80,000 years old.

Here’s a tree on top of a completely different tree.

It’s a mulberry tree with a cherry tree growing on top. Both trees are thriving just fine in this scenario, which is unusual for epiphytes. It’s located in Italy, where it’s called Bialbero di Casorzo. Also called Grana Double Tree. It looks like someone just picked up the full grown cherry tree and stuck in on top of the mulberry, but it in fact grew there on its own, though how it got there was a mystery.

Here’s a tree growing atop a courthouse clock tower.

This is the clock tower of the Decatur County Courthouse in Greensburg, Indiana. And, ever since the 1870’s, it’s had trees growing out of it. Yes, plural. Some trees lived their whole lives up there and died only for more to sprout. It’s unknown how they got up there or how they’re surviving. They weren’t sure exactly the kind of tree it was until some researchers finally determined it’s a mulberry. Maybe this one will get a cherry tree on top of it, too.

Here’s a tree with its own mobile glass house.

After a whole long history of trying to protect this 18th century tree during the German winter, they finally built a glass house that can move on some tracks to cover it and uncover it as needed.

Here’s a tree that’s also a dining room.

This is the Bowthorpe Oak in Lincolnshire, England, and it’s a big fat pedunculate oak that’s likely over a thousand years old. Its interior has been used as a dining room that could seat 20 people. More recently it’s been mostly a hangout for sheep.

Here’s a tree that’s eating a bench.

This is Hungry Tree. It is on the grounds of a Dublin law school and is, well, eating this bench.

Here’s some trees that forgot which way to grow.

They eventually figured it out, but now the trees in this Polish forest have all got this uniform northward curve, and no one really knows how or why this happened.

Here’s some trees that look like they’ll grab you if you get too close.

Sweden has an enchanted troll forest full of twisted wind swept trees because of course it does.

Here’s a tree that just might get up and walk away.

It’s called the walking palm because it’s thought these weird stilt roots mean the tree can walk to where there’s more sunlight by putting down more roots in the intended direction and uprooting the back ones. Is this true? No, of course not. But wouldn’t that be cool?

The first image (the tree that’s four trees) is my own. All others are from Wikimedia Commons. Click on them to go to their pages there.

You’re human, presumably. I’ll bet that makes you think you’re super cool. Certain rights and privileges come with it for sure. But, you know, our fellow animalians have cool stuff going on themselves. Sure, they have claws and sharp teeth and speed. But you’ve got intelligence and technology and can openers and whatnot. That wins out, right? That’s a matter of debate, but for now, here’s some animals you have surely been underestimating…

Hagfish
They’ve been around mostly unchanged for like 300 million years. They have cartilaginous skulls but no jaws or vertebrae. They look like a tube sock with teeth. Good thing, too. If a shark or other would be predator comes along, they wouldn’t sustain much injury in the scuffle. They’ll just tie themselves in knots and slither out of it. And, for good measure, blast the assailant with slime. While assailant is thrashing around and suffocating trying to get the slime off, hagfish gets away. Badass. Can you do that? Didn’t think so.

Archerfish
I met some of these guys at the Georgia Aquarium back in 2016. Archerfish sees a bug above the water, shoots a spectacularly precise water jet at it, and says “Do you want ants? Because that’s how you get ants!” Or whatever kind of bug. They shoot hard and don’t miss and this is from underwater so their eyesight is amazing and a physical marvel itself. Oh, and they totally remember faces. Can you spit a precise jet of water at something three meters away? Didn’t think so.

Cleaner Wrasses
These bright little fish run coral reef cleaning stations. Bigger fish and other critters come by, and the little cleaner wrasses eat any ectoparasites bothering them or any unhealthy scales. This keeps their “clients” healthy, both physically and mentally, as not having parasites to worry about makes life so much easier. And the wrasses get a meal out of it. Not only do their clients stay smart, but they are pretty smart, too. They pass the mirror test! I’m going to assume you recognize the being in the mirror is your own reflection, so I’ll give you that. But the cleaning stations that keep reefs healthy and going? Your own space is probably a disaster and you’re likely doing something or other contributing to climate change which is bleaching and killing reefs. You’re no cleaner wrasse.

Malabar Giant Squirrel
Let’s step out of the water now and over to southern India. Up in the trees are large multicolored squirrels, with black, brown, beige, and seemingly even purple and red fur, and I swear they are totally real. This coloration acts as camouflage to protect them from predators. And to make them look totally fabulous! In fact, Teen Vogue had this to say:

Today, while exploring the Internet, we came across the most beautiful hair we’ve ever seen. Think ombre fade, velvety-soft finish, and glistening hues of midnight blue, burgundy, burnt sienna, tangerine, and yellow ochre. Oh, and did we mention that this was someone’s natural hair color? That’s right, we’re talking about a squirrel.

Is your hair naturally that fabulous? Didn’t think so.

African Painted Wolves
They’re also called African wild dogs. Painted dogs. Whatever you want to call them, they roam the savanna alongside lions and hyenas as a serious egalitarian pack. The monogamous breeding pair is in charge but everyone gets a say. No, seriously, they vote. By sneezing. Also, the pups come first. They feed the pups before the adults. They take care of any pack member who is sick or injured or otherwise can’t be productive. Humans, on the other hand, are always finding excuses to leave behind the young, old, and disabled, always hoarding things for ourselves, and finding ways to make it so certain people’s “sneezes” don’t count. African Painted Wolves have it figured out. What the hell is our excuse?