Gather around. Gather around. Let’s sing!
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Sounds hazardous.
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Pervert.
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
That’s nice.
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.
That’s racist.
Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Help to make the season bright.
Being sleepy and kissing?
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.
Didn’t they get any turkey?
They know that Santa’s on his way
He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh
Yay!
And every mother’s child is going to spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly.
These kids want proof of these supernatural claims. I like that.
And so I’m offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
What about 11-month-olds? What about 93-year-olds? Hmph!
Although it’s been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you!
And no one is arresting you for saying it. Take note, Christian conservatives!
