The Little Caterpillar

So I was waiting at the bus stop this afternoon when I began watching this little gypsy moth caterpillar inching along the sidewalk. Just minding its own business. The bus was late because it sucks, but I passed the time watching this little caterpillar.

Funny little creature. Nothing phases it. I began shouting “The world is coming to an end! Bombs are dropping!” at it, and it just didn’t care. Its only care was moseying aimlessly along the sidewalk.

At least I thought its route was aimless. Eventually, the caterpillar swerved towards the street.

“Don’t go into the street,” I said to it. “There are cars. You’ll be squished.”

When it got to the curb, I picked it up and moved it to the grassy side of the sidewalk tile. It wriggled a bit when I picked it up. Didn’t like that. I interfered with its moseying along. I didn’t hear anything, but it was probably cussing me out in gypsy moth caterpillar language.

Then the dumbass caterpillar turned and went for the street again! I picked it up and put it away from the street. “You’ll go squishy!” I said.

It just kept heading towards the street, so I finally said “Fine, go into the street, but street has cars and you’ll go squishy!”

So the surely ill-fated caterpillar inched on down the curb and slowly onto the asphalt. And it moved along gradually trying to cross the street.

Cars were coming.

“You’re going to go squishy now!” I told it.

But cars went by and the tires totally missed the caterpillar, who continued along as if nothing were happening. But it was getting more to into the lane, where tires would surely hit it. Cars were coming again.

“You go squish now!” I said.

Lo and behold, the caterpillar had made it to where it was between the right and left tires of the cars, and was again not harmed. Although it did get brushed around from the motion a bit. No matter. It paused for a bit after that happened, which it did a few times, and continued on across the street.

This went on for a bit. Cars would rush by and totally miss the tiny caterpillar stupidly trying to cross the road. It would get blown around here and there, only to pause and start going again.

The pauses got longer and longer as this progressed. Every once in a while, I walked out into the lane to see if the caterpillar was squished yet or not. It had gotten far enough out that I couldn’t tell from the sidewalk.

Finally, after the longest pause, the caterpillar turned around and was facing the sidewalk, now inching its way back!

“Well, look who’s coming back!” I remarked. Seeing as it wanted to come back now, I went out there, picked it up, and flung it into the grass by the bus stop. Then it just kind of perched there on a blade of grass. That’s where it still was when the damn bus finally arrived.

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Wow. Did you actually just read through this whole boring ass story?! Oh, my God! You seriously need a hobby even more than I do. This has to have been the most boring piece of crap you’ve ever read. And you just kept reading and have gotten to this! Well, I suppose I should be grateful.

Oh, and I know what some of you might be thinking. I should have just killed the gypsy moth caterpillar because technically they’re a hazard to the ecosystem or something, right? Fuck that. They’re cool looking! :doitnow:

This has been Day 2 of the 100 Days of Summer, Round 6.