It’s Nobody’s Fault It Rained

June 5, 2006

But it’s your own damn fault for being a dumbass.

Yes, you are a dumbass for a vast, vast, vast number of reasons I don’t have the life expectancy to get into, so let’s just delve into the one I’m thinking of.

How often have you complained or heard someone complain about the weather forecast? Every once in a while, some cretin will come along and for some unknown God forsaken reason will think it is at all original or humorous to bitch that the meteorologists were wrong.

“Why do they get paid for being wrong? Why are they such liars? I’d get fired if I were so inaccurate at my job! I hate weather forecasters! Can’t rely on them! I wish they wouldn’t bother reporting!”
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Lunch

May 31, 2006

You know what I had for lunch today? Nothing fancy. An “everything bagel” I’d bought at Panera yesterday morning along with an entire package of Oscar Mayer meats. It was one of those variety packs with three slices of white turkey, three slices of turkey ham (whatever the fuck that is!), three slices of bologna, and three slices of cotto salami. Yummy!
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This Is Why I Hate Tea

May 23, 2006

That’s right, folks! Another herbal, piping hot session of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

Tea. That’s what sucks. Every once in a while, however, I tend to totally forget how much it sucks. Then I might make myself a cup, only to soon enough realize “Why the hell am I drinking this shit?” You know the trouble with tea? It tricks you. Just today at work, where we have this cool machine that you put these tiny packets into to make coffee and tea, I saw a little packet of Chai. I had never had Chai tea before, and people say how great it is, so I figured I’d give it a chance. After the machine did its thing, I took my cup back to my desk and waited a bit for it to cool down enough to drink, and I took a sip.
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MySpace Is Still Stupid, But You’re Just Insane!

May 11, 2006

Touched on this once before, no?

Paid my daily visit to One and Four just a bit ago. Saw there the same thing I saw a few minutes earlier in my e-mail. This. MySpace, the stupid yet innocent megasite for people to meet and interact with other people (as much as you really can via the written word on a screen anyway), is considered such a danger to youth by almost exclusively folks who never use the Internet let alone that website that politicians are planning on making a federal law that schools and libraries prohibit anyone under 18 from accessing the site on their computers.
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It’s State-of-the-Art! (which, of course, means absolutely nothing)

May 10, 2006

I hereby decree…

Stop using the term “state-of-the-art” for anything!

I’ve been meaning to rant about this stupid crap for a while. It started a few years ago during my job searches. Seeing as possible employment for a biology grad like me was in biotech and pharmaceutical type companies, there I was perusing the many websites of suburban Maryland’s many such places. Ooh! They all use new, “state-of-the-art” technology! I’d say three out of every five websites I visited used this term at least twice. State-of-the-art methods. State-of-the-art machines. State-of-the-art facilities. State-of-the-art research. State-of-the-art products. State-of-the-art ways of wiping your ass. And don’t forget the state-of-the-art buzzwords! I’d say my About page pretty well demonstrates what that’s like.
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Yeah, I’m a Bitch

May 9, 2006

So I came across this cutesy crap in my MySpace bulletin list today. Figured it was worth a mention over here. Basically, it’s like “if you’re a guy, would you do this with a girl?” or “if you’re a girl, does this all sound nice?”. Something like that. Well, I’m a girl! May as well answer it.
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The New 21

May 3, 2006

On The Sopranos this week, the psychiatrist Dr. Melfi mentions how young people these days are bombarded with so much information and so many choices that it may take them a while to settle down into something. As she went on to put it, “sociologists are saying 26 is the new 21.”

Great. Let’s extend childhood longer and longer. 🙄
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You Can’t Tuna Casserole

April 20, 2006

And now, for another swimmingly delicious, thunniform session of:

Here’s To You!

So I raise my glass and say, “Here’s to you, tuna!”

For you see, tuna is some of the greatest food in the world. Some people think steak is so wonderful. Meh. Others have certain partiality to pork. Well, whatever. But what’s truly wonderful is tuna.

Put it in a casserole! Eat it out of the can! Make it into a salad. Have it in a sub. Slap a slab of it on the grill. Leave it raw and gulp down its divinity, for it is King of Sushi. Or at least I say it is. That’s all that matters.

Tuna is great. Tuna is delicious. Tuna is godly. Let’s all eat some tuna!

Oh, and anyone who doesn’t like tuna or any seafood can, of course, go screw themselves.

I Hope I’m Helping

April 15, 2006

For the first couple of months or so, the single most common search phrase to hit here was “MySpace is stupid”. Hehehe. This month so far, it has fallen to third, behind second place search phrase “Samurai Sudoku”. Obviously, those both hit previous entries MySpace Is Stupid, But Give It a Break and Samurai Sudoku, respectively. Not sure how helpful I was to either of those, whatever “MySpace is stupid” is trying to find anyway. Although I suppose my message in that entry is one I rather like people seeing and thinking about. Isn’t that why anyone writes anything?
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