Author: Katrina

Behind Every Bag of Chips…

June 15, 2006

So I was at Safeway early this morning right before going into work, and I walk by this big promotional display they had just erected (huh huh huh, erected, huh huh huh). Beside it stood about half a dozen important-looking men in suits. Walking by, I saw they wore name badges indicating they were from Frito-Lay, and that this big promotional, uh, whatever the hell it was carried a bunch of cardboard cutouts of that Chester the cheetah and other mascots of theirs. Cute.

And then a realization hit me.
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That I Overlooked Before

June 6, 2006

And now, another genetically different, lucky edition of…

Here’s to You!

So I lift my glass and say, “Here’s to you, four leaf clovers!”

Always a pleasure to find. Five years ago, back at college, I was wandering around campus just sort of looking at some grass and clover patches. Four leaf clovers crossed my mind. Lucky items apparently. I wasn’t sure if I had ever seen one, though. I wondered if they even existed. I was muttering to myself while gazing into one clover patch. “Do four leaf clovers even exist?- Oh, wait, there’s one!”
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It’s Nobody’s Fault It Rained

June 5, 2006

But it’s your own damn fault for being a dumbass.

Yes, you are a dumbass for a vast, vast, vast number of reasons I don’t have the life expectancy to get into, so let’s just delve into the one I’m thinking of.

How often have you complained or heard someone complain about the weather forecast? Every once in a while, some cretin will come along and for some unknown God forsaken reason will think it is at all original or humorous to bitch that the meteorologists were wrong.

“Why do they get paid for being wrong? Why are they such liars? I’d get fired if I were so inaccurate at my job! I hate weather forecasters! Can’t rely on them! I wish they wouldn’t bother reporting!”
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Lunch

May 31, 2006

You know what I had for lunch today? Nothing fancy. An “everything bagel” I’d bought at Panera yesterday morning along with an entire package of Oscar Mayer meats. It was one of those variety packs with three slices of white turkey, three slices of turkey ham (whatever the fuck that is!), three slices of bologna, and three slices of cotto salami. Yummy!
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This Is Why I Hate Tea

May 23, 2006

That’s right, folks! Another herbal, piping hot session of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

Tea. That’s what sucks. Every once in a while, however, I tend to totally forget how much it sucks. Then I might make myself a cup, only to soon enough realize “Why the hell am I drinking this shit?” You know the trouble with tea? It tricks you. Just today at work, where we have this cool machine that you put these tiny packets into to make coffee and tea, I saw a little packet of Chai. I had never had Chai tea before, and people say how great it is, so I figured I’d give it a chance. After the machine did its thing, I took my cup back to my desk and waited a bit for it to cool down enough to drink, and I took a sip.
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MySpace Is Still Stupid, But You’re Just Insane!

May 11, 2006

Touched on this once before, no?

Paid my daily visit to One and Four just a bit ago. Saw there the same thing I saw a few minutes earlier in my e-mail. This. MySpace, the stupid yet innocent megasite for people to meet and interact with other people (as much as you really can via the written word on a screen anyway), is considered such a danger to youth by almost exclusively folks who never use the Internet let alone that website that politicians are planning on making a federal law that schools and libraries prohibit anyone under 18 from accessing the site on their computers.
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It’s State-of-the-Art! (which, of course, means absolutely nothing)

May 10, 2006

I hereby decree…

Stop using the term “state-of-the-art” for anything!

I’ve been meaning to rant about this stupid crap for a while. It started a few years ago during my job searches. Seeing as possible employment for a biology grad like me was in biotech and pharmaceutical type companies, there I was perusing the many websites of suburban Maryland’s many such places. Ooh! They all use new, “state-of-the-art” technology! I’d say three out of every five websites I visited used this term at least twice. State-of-the-art methods. State-of-the-art machines. State-of-the-art facilities. State-of-the-art research. State-of-the-art products. State-of-the-art ways of wiping your ass. And don’t forget the state-of-the-art buzzwords! I’d say my About page pretty well demonstrates what that’s like.
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Yeah, I’m a Bitch

May 9, 2006

So I came across this cutesy crap in my MySpace bulletin list today. Figured it was worth a mention over here. Basically, it’s like “if you’re a guy, would you do this with a girl?” or “if you’re a girl, does this all sound nice?”. Something like that. Well, I’m a girl! May as well answer it.
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The New 21

May 3, 2006

On The Sopranos this week, the psychiatrist Dr. Melfi mentions how young people these days are bombarded with so much information and so many choices that it may take them a while to settle down into something. As she went on to put it, “sociologists are saying 26 is the new 21.”

Great. Let’s extend childhood longer and longer. 🙄
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