Category: Decrees!

I hereby decree…

Sigma Sigma

March 24, 2011

I hereby decree…

Stop using sigmas as Es!

How often do we see this shit?

GRΣΣK

Oh, isn’t that clever? Instead of the letter E they use a sigma (Σ) which totally looks like an E and is totally Greek! LOLOLOL

Just one problem. The Greek letter sigma is not an E. It’s an S. So what is spelled up there is basically “Grssk”.

But hey, I can see your predicament. You want to pretend you’re all smart and making something look Greek in a very half-alpha-sigma-sigma’d way and it’s not like the Greek equivalent to the letter E looks all that much like the Roman E…

Oh wait, this is an epsilon: Ε

*facepalm*

But is that too identical to an E for you? Here’s a lowercase epsilon: ε

And here’s what you were trying to spell: Grεεk

True, by Greek phonetics and whatnot that still isn’t technically correct but at the very least you’re matching up the correct letters!

And speaking of Greek letter gripes, can people quit using a lowercase U when writing the metric denomination “micro”? For example, when they say 1ug (1 microgram)? It’s not a U. It’s supposed to be 1µg. That’s not a lowercase U. That’s a lowercase mu.

Seriously, I told this to this cow I’m friends with for some reason, and she agrees.

Smooth as a…

January 6, 2011

I hereby decree…

Babies aren’t sexy!

Happy Epiphany, everyone! It’s the official last day of the 2010 Christmas season, which in practice mostly just means that tomorrow it’s time to take down the decorations and for me to put my Santa Claus pin away until Thanksgiving. Always sad. But, contrary to my perhaps unsatisfactory posting frequency when it isn’t December, Sure, Why Not? is still here to celebrate the win, the fail, and the lulz.

Now let’s talk about the sexualization of infants…

Is anyone else really creeped out by ads on TV and elsewhere for skin products that seem to place a lot of emphasis on the smoothness of a baby’s skin? There’s that Johnson & Johnson baby oil ad that’s been on a few times where throughout the entire thing, some woman is downright fondling a little baby. It starts off with her kissing him on the lips, and throughout she also kisses his feet and rubs his baby-smooth stomach and arms and face. Why? Because he’s a little baby that makes his skin so smooth and fun to touch and rub! Oh joy!

Also creepy are ads for women’s skin products that at some point show a baby or toddler to point out that this cream will make your skin feel all smooth like theirs! Use this skin cream and your skin will be so soft you’ll feel like a baby! A sexy baby. Or a baby-like woman. Textural attractiveness means your features feeling like you spent most of the past year in a womb, be it the smooth baby skin as dictated by skin creams and moisturizers or soft baby hair as sung by Hall & Oates (though they at least think the eyes should be a woman’s).

Of course, the infantilization of women isn’t exactly new and is something feminists have been battling in several forms for about as long as there have been feminists!

Hey, I’m not saying anything against smooth skin. That’s fine. But when extolling how attractive and hot and sexy smooth soft skin and other features are, think you could, you know, leave the little kids out of that one? We really shouldn’t be encouraging people to find their features attractive and definitely not to feel them up!

And can we get rid of the phrase “smooth as a baby’s behind”? You’re talking about someone’s ass, for God’s sake!

*takes down lights, takes off pin*

Sparkle Sparkle

December 12, 2010

I hereby decree…

Leave Twilight alone!

Jesus Christ, am I sick of everywhere I look, mostly online but also some offline, there’s the exact same stale attacks on the popular Stephenie Meyer book series “Twilight”. I used to read most of the Cheezburger sites on a daily basis, but stopped because it seemed like every damn thing on any of the sites was something whose entire humor seemed to be that it was mocking Twilight or Justin Bieber. Honestly, it’s fine once in a while, but all the damn time? There’s other shit in the world, you know!

It’s the same shit, too.

“Oh noes, Edward Cullen is a sparkling vampire? That’s an insult to real vampires! I’m offended!”

“Oh noes, why is Bella so attracted to Edward when he’s totally stalking her? That’s not a healthy relationship!”

“Haha, for Bella it’s a choice between a dead guy who’s 100 years older than her or a werewolf.”

“Oh, God, it’s sooo poorly written!”

I actually did read Twilight recently. It didn’t exactly blow me away, nor really keep me hooked, but I didn’t find it anywhere near deserving of the venom it gets all the time. True, I haven’t read the other three books yet, so we’ll see how I feel then.
Continue reading “Sparkle Sparkle”

Religious Identity

September 29, 2010

I hereby decree…

I get to choose my own religious identity. You do not.

You know how annoying it is for people to decide for you which religious (or any other for that matter) box you fit in? Especially when it is contrary to what you have explicitly stated?

Some people fit in the neat little box of Christian, Jew, Muslim, Atheist, whatever. But not everybody does, in fact I’m certain most people don’t. And that’s where people get confused.

While I don’t really consider myself non-Christian, lately I’ve been going by Secular Theist. When asked what that means, I say “I believe God exists but I don’t believe in doing anything about it.”

And people totally just nod and say that’s cool…

Oh, wait, no they don’t. They instead insist I’m really agnostic. 🙄

Fuck you, I’m not agnostic. I do believe God exists. Agnostics believe there’s no way to know and may or may not lean either way. I do know God exists.

Or then I get called a Deist. No, I’m not damn Deist, either. Deists believe God created the universe. I do not believe God had anything to do with that. So, no, not a Deist.

Then they get really confused that I don’t believe in a Creator. So that must mean I’m really an Atheist!

No! I’m not an Atheist. What did I just say? I DO believe in God. Just because I may agree with most atheists when it comes to religious fundamentalism run amok, such as the God in School entry a few days ago, doesn’t mean I’m an atheist myself. Just because my belief in God doesn’t take the same form as that of most other theists, doesn’t mean I’m not still a theist.

Or then I get the “oh, you just THINK you aren’t an atheist but you totally are, lulz!” Funny, if I were an atheist, wouldn’t I then be smart enough to be able to have a better idea of my own religious identity than YOU? That must mean I’m either a stupid atheist or an intelligent theist. Can that idea sink into your mind? LOL PARADOX!

Or can you try the idea of not assigning useless labels to people based on what specific ideologies they may have? Or is that too hard?

Phobophobia

July 12, 2010

I hereby decree…

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” is really really true!

Alright, everyone, time for a little life advice from the Fortress!

A year ago yesterday, I was walking around my neighborhood, when I passed a man walking his small white dog, when for no reason the stupid dog bit me on the back of my thigh. Ouch! Man didn’t seem to give a shit, and I forgot to get his name or info. So, as I mentioned briefly in last year’s 100 Days of Summer recap, I spent the following week in absolute panic that the dog had given me rabies or something. Yeah, I know, stupid thing to be panicked about, despite everyone and all information I looked up essentially telling me how there was like no chance. Only got out of the panic a week later when I saw the dog being walked again (rabid dogs are dead within a couple of days of symptoms, the only time they can spread it, so this dog had to of course be alright). Didn’t snap out of the panic right away. It took me another couple days to slowly come down from it.

And that week was seriously miserable. Regardless of it being for a stupid reason, I was still panicked, still absolutely filled with fear. And let me tell you something. Fear seriously fucks you UP. You can’t think. You lose your marbles. No amount of logical reasoning showing you not to be scared will snap you out of it. Pretty much just has to go away on its own after a while. Anything I had been thinking about or planning up until that asshole little dog bit me had gone out of my mind. Pretty much all I could think about was this dog bite and my irrational fear of infection.

And that’s why fear itself is a worthwhile thing to be afraid of! I sometimes find there are events or possible events in the future that I think “oh, wow, I’m going to be soooo scared!” For example, if I ever get pregnant. Pregnancy is pretty goddamn scary. Aside from all the crazy shit involved with it even when it’s perfectly normal, if I’m ever pregnant, I would be soooooo terrified! Scared waiting to find out if pregnant. Scared during labor. Scared waiting for labor at any moment. And then of course the most terrifying thing of all for which pregnancy is just the opening, parenthood! Ack!

So I would say, well, don’t be scared, but it can’t be helped. That’s another reason to fear it, since it’s hard to avoid. Education may help, in that fear preys on ignorance, since not knowing what to do in a given situation only increases the fear, while knowing what to do keeps it somewhat at bay, usually.

And your brain is on your side anyway. It gets bored with fear after a while, provided the fear brings nothing new to be fearful about, and logical reasoning grows back. So while you can’t avoid being fearful, because, well, shit happens, you can at least be ready for it and knock it out quickly. Or at least manage until it passes.

Happy Fifty-Fifty! 🙂

This has been Day 50 of the 100 Days of Summer, Round 10.

Milk or Water

May 20, 2010

I hereby decree…

You don’t have anything to drink.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone over to someone’s house, and been expected and invited, and when either I asked if they had anything to drink or they offered something to drink, and I asked what they had, they replied, “Milk. Water.”

*facepalm*

So, in other words, you don’t have anything. Who the hell goes to someone’s house to drink fucking MILK? Water might be okay, even though they’re usually just talking about unfiltered tap water.

It’s one thing if I’m just one guest, or one of two or three. But I’ve seen this even when someone is hosting a good sized gathering at their house, and there isn’t shit to drink besides those two non-options. And probably didn’t bother to tell the guests beforehand to bring their own drinks.

Maaaybe there might be juice. Depends what kind of juice. But that’s at least something. It actually has flavor. Same with iced tea, so long as it’s actually sweetened.

Or sometimes they might have juices, sodas, etc. Except they didn’t bother to put any of it in the refrigerator beforehand, so it’s all warm! Lame!

I don’t mean to sound like as a guest to someone’s house that means I’m entitled to them having stuff I like. Yet if I brought my own drinks without being invited to do so, could be seen as rude. *shrug*

Of course, got to wonder, is milk and water all they drink? Or did they just happen to run out of real drinks right before having guests over? Or is this a common case of hosting fail?

Now, if you don’t mind, I’m thirsty, and am going to get some orange juice. The kind fortified with calcium so I don’t have to drink milk! 🙂

Caring or Controlling

December 26, 2009

I hereby decree…

Caring about someone does NOT give you the right to be controlling, obsessive, or insulting.

Let’s say your mom calls you when you’re heading out of town or something. She calls again a few hours later. Again the next day, about three times. And again. And again. Oh, and let’s say you finally call her on it, telling her she does not need to be calling you constantly. What is her reply?… “Aww, but I just worry about you, because I care about you.”

And that’s just a mild example, what with all the controlling things parents are advised to do with their teens that make prison look like a haven of privacy rights. Why are parents so disrespectful of privacy and insulting to intelligence? Because they care. And because they care, they have free rein to do whatever they want, and you should be grateful for it, because they care.

Bitch please! Yes, you CAN care about someone without constantly worrying they’re about to fall off a cliff or get eaten by a rabbit or something. Are you so messed up in your perception of love that you don’t realize that? Are we all expected to be so starved for love and affection and consideration that we’ll sacrifice our dignity and comfort for it at every conceivable opportunity?

Or, here’s a crazy thought. How about both caring for someone AND respecting them at the same time? *gasp, fall down* What a concept!

A few years back, my sister didn’t come home that much, constantly out with friends and whatnot. My dad was always so worried, but I wasn’t. When I mentioned this, he told me I must not care all that much about her and that I must want bad things to happen. I said that’s not true at all, that I of course care about her but at the same time respect that she can take care of herself. He insisted that was impossible. Moron.

Oh, but it’s okay to be obsessive, to call 10 times a day, to not let someone do something on their own because if you do it they won’t get hurt, to belittle someone for their beliefs because in your measly organ you call a brain those beliefs are somehow dangerous or make this person unfulfilled… because you CARE. And that’s carte blanche to just take control of everything about this person.

You just didn’t account for the fact that this person cares for her own self way too much to let the likes of you stick your ass into her business. So fuck off.

Semitic Cousins

December 12, 2009

I hereby decree…

Arabs and Jews are the same people!

I might want to throw Greeks and Italians into that mix, too, for a lot of this.

Last night was the first night of Chanukah, and I can guarantee all our Jewish friends were up late and stuffed themselves with lots of delicious food. And they’ll do the same tonight. And tomorrow night. Eating and celebrating, running late into the night, with lots and lots of people.
Continue reading “Semitic Cousins”

Ignorance Doesn’t Make You Cool

December 1, 2009

I hereby decree…

Ignorance does not make you cool.

What a surprise after reading the title. Anyway, on this first of the 2009 December “blogathon” right here on Sure, Why Not?, I want to blast those idiots who are under the impression that being unfamiliar with certain knowledge or technology somehow makes them superior.

It’s yet another issue that adults always blame teens for doing while in reality the adults are way worse about it. The stereotype is that teens don’t want to admit to their friends that they know about history or that they have good grades or what have you. Yeah, right, five minutes on NYRA’s forums will kill that mindset quite nicely.

In the case of adults, it is often in the form of their pride in being luddites. They often say “ooh, I don’t know anything about Facebook, hahaha” as if it’s amusing and at least they’re not among the inferior beings that do have the extra knowledge of what Facebook is. Replace Facebook with Twitter, YouTube, or any other similar site, and the responses are the same. Because, despite the fact that all of these sites are being used more and more by older crowds, those older crowds usually avoid admitting it, or passing it off as being necessary for work or in order to appeal to younger people for a business or something lame. You know, because, gasp!, how could a mature adult use a tool that is supposed to be aimed at young people?! You’re all growed up so you don’t use things those little (read: under 30) people use. Don’t you feel special?

And at times when I inform the proudly ignorant adult of the benefits of social networking, no matter how well I point out the helpfulness of it for whatever issues they’re having or ways they’d like to make things easier, I’m met with denial or indifference. Because Twitter could spit gold out of the monitor and they would still refuse to try to learn it for fear of being uncool in the adult realm.

Of course, this is hardly limited to websites or technology in general. Some of this I’ll rant on separately later (hey, I’ve got 30 more consecutive days to fill here!).

Like It’s a Decade After 1999

June 8, 2009

I hereby decree…

Stop using the phrase “Party like it’s 1999!”

Seriously. I mean, I could sort of see maybe back in the 1980’s and 90’s this might have been a sort of “ooh, in the future, in 1999, we’re going to party so hard because that’s the last one before the numbers change, lulz!” Very stupid, but I can at least kind of see it.

If you’ll take a moment, please consult your nearest calendar for the current year. Or just look at the date on top of this entry. What year is that? Wow, really? Is it really 2009?

Oh noes! You missed teh big party year! It’s been a full decade since then!

Or, maybe, you didn’t do anything special in 1999 but want to pretend you did or that 1999 will somehow come again so you’ll have another chance. Either way, using the phrase whether before or after that year makes you sound like an immense douchebag, albeit in different ways.

Though not as much as if said during 1999…

“Duuude, we’re going to party like it’s 1999!”
“Hey, look at the calendar, man. It IS 1999!”
“OMG, holy shit! I guess we’d better party then.”
“Cool, dude! Hey, got any weed?”
“Nah, man, got a new job, have to take a piss test.”
“Totally bogus! I’d be in all kinds of deep shit if I had to for my job.”
“Hey, it’s alright. Here, want some coffee?”
“Sure, thanks man! So what should we do now?”
“I don’t know. Find the guys and see what they’re up to.”
“Awesome! Tonight is going to kick ass. Hell yeah!”
“Duuude, we’re going to party like it’s 1999!”
“Hey, look at the calendar, man. It IS 1999!”

Yes, that is how you sound if you say this phrase. Seriously.

The mystery is gone, folks. We’re past 1999. The nineties have ended and we’re almost done with the aughts. If you’re planning on partying, just do it whenever since you’re just getting older and older and it’s incredibly wasteful and silly to be earmarking an arbitrary year for “partying hard”. Just go ahead and guzzle that entire beer keg, blow up your liver in the process, die, and be out of our hair, kthx.

This has been Day 16 of the 100 Days of Summer, Round 9.