Month: January 2006

Simpsons Nouveaux

January 8, 2006

And now, for a cruel yet crunchily satisfying bout of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

So, looking at the title of this post, what do you think I’m giving this YOU SUCK message to now? Recent Simpsons episodes? Am I going to piss and moan that tonight’s episode got little more than a chuckle out of me and that I wish the show was more like it was in its 5th season? WRONG!!! That’s wrong, dumbass. In fact, the ones receiving this special YOU SUCK award are the very people who do bitch about newer Simpsons episodes constantly. So, all of you, please, shut the hell up!
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All I Wanted Was a Snack, Not More Ageist Piece of Crap!

January 6, 2006

Argh!!!!

Okay, I have had it with the local news. Sure, there’s lots of crap about the local news that’s worth a bitch here and there. It comes with the territory. Bias. And, um, bias. Let’s see, there’s also… bias. Oh, don’t forget bias. Bias, too! Last but not least…. bias!

Perhaps I should be more specific. As many of my complaints tend to involve, this is about youth. The local news is just yet another public outlet that shits all over youth without a care. And the worst part about it is that in doing so, they’re inviting every one of their brainless viewers to carelessly shit all over youth as well. It’s on the news! It must be true. But let’s continue.
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Route 55: Rockville Station to ???

January 4, 2006

Since I have no car, I have to ride the bus to work every morning. Pretty decent county-wide bus, although I hate how it takes me like an hour and a half to get to work when the ride would be at the most five to ten minutes if I were driving there myself. But, beside the point.

I tend to be a bit tired in the morning. Sometimes when taking the Ride On 55 north to work I would drift off for a couple of seconds. One day, I was asleep for a full several minutes. I woke up well before I needed to get off, so there was no problem. So, when I got to work, I mentioned at lunch time to my coworkers that I had fallen asleep on bus that morning. I said the same when I got home that evening to my grandmother.
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The Laser Pointer

January 3, 2006

It’s time for a Sure, Why Not? session of….

Here’s to You!

So I lift my glass and say, “Here’s to you, laser pointer.”

Ah, yes, the simple laser pointer. Concentrated beam of red light that can mean hours upon hours of good fun. While presents itself as a dangerous object with such horrible radiation emitting from it (the wavelength on mine is 630 to 680 nm, which is red visible light, dumbasses!) and always contains warnings that it should never be shined in the eyes and that it is not a toy…. fuck that, it’s a toy! Why do you think I bought it? Some professional usage?

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Hail to the Redskins!!!

January 1, 2006

YAY!!!!!!!!!!

Redskins! Redskins! Redskins! Redskins! Redskins!

Washington Redskins are going to the playoffs! Lead ’em on, Gibbs! Lead ’em to victory!

And just so we’re clear, let’s get a few things straight. The Washington Redskins are the best team in the NFL. Even when they suck (which they often do) they’re still the greatest football team ever.

The Dallas Cowboys, on the other hand, are the worst team in the NFL, even when they are doing great, they still fucking suck and need to just die. They are the bad guys. They must always be defeated. I hope the Rams butt them into oblivion tonight. As my father taught me to say to my uncle when I was 3 years old: “Dallas sucks!”

They suck so much that I shall rant about them in more depth later on.

Anyway, to review. If you like the Washington Redskins, you rule and are an awesome person. If you like the Dallas Cowboys, you’re a worthless sack of shit. Plain and simple.

Oh, and Happy New Year everybody!

Tiny Blogs

Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s time for a special Sure, Why Not? session of….

YOU SUCK!!!

Today’s recipient of this message of suckiness are people who have, create, or are somehow or another involved in those tiny blogs you see sometimes. Blogs in general have a wide, vast range of stupid shit worth bitching about, and I kind of hate to kick off the Fortress’s YOU SUCK sessions with something so common, but I don’t really care right now. Anyway, on with it.
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