Lyrics

January 13, 2006

I hereby decree….

All music CDs must come with the complete and legible lyrics to every song on the disc.

Because, damn it, I’m so sick of finding CDs that don’t come with them.

It’s like, I buy a new CD. I play it. Good stuff! Now maybe I can finally find out what the hell the singer is actually saying in that great song! Oh, no! I take out the cover slip from the jewel case to find… no lyrics! Instead, I often find some pictures of the band or some nonsense phrases written in it (which aren’t in any of the songs), or maybe just copyright info and acknowledgements. Yes, because I really give a shit that the bassist would like to thank his parents for his success.
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Simpsons Nouveaux

January 8, 2006

And now, for a cruel yet crunchily satisfying bout of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

So, looking at the title of this post, what do you think I’m giving this YOU SUCK message to now? Recent Simpsons episodes? Am I going to piss and moan that tonight’s episode got little more than a chuckle out of me and that I wish the show was more like it was in its 5th season? WRONG!!! That’s wrong, dumbass. In fact, the ones receiving this special YOU SUCK award are the very people who do bitch about newer Simpsons episodes constantly. So, all of you, please, shut the hell up!
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All I Wanted Was a Snack, Not More Ageist Piece of Crap!

January 6, 2006

Argh!!!!

Okay, I have had it with the local news. Sure, there’s lots of crap about the local news that’s worth a bitch here and there. It comes with the territory. Bias. And, um, bias. Let’s see, there’s also… bias. Oh, don’t forget bias. Bias, too! Last but not least…. bias!

Perhaps I should be more specific. As many of my complaints tend to involve, this is about youth. The local news is just yet another public outlet that shits all over youth without a care. And the worst part about it is that in doing so, they’re inviting every one of their brainless viewers to carelessly shit all over youth as well. It’s on the news! It must be true. But let’s continue.
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Route 55: Rockville Station to ???

January 4, 2006

Since I have no car, I have to ride the bus to work every morning. Pretty decent county-wide bus, although I hate how it takes me like an hour and a half to get to work when the ride would be at the most five to ten minutes if I were driving there myself. But, beside the point.

I tend to be a bit tired in the morning. Sometimes when taking the Ride On 55 north to work I would drift off for a couple of seconds. One day, I was asleep for a full several minutes. I woke up well before I needed to get off, so there was no problem. So, when I got to work, I mentioned at lunch time to my coworkers that I had fallen asleep on bus that morning. I said the same when I got home that evening to my grandmother.
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The Laser Pointer

January 3, 2006

It’s time for a Sure, Why Not? session of….

Here’s to You!

So I lift my glass and say, “Here’s to you, laser pointer.”

Ah, yes, the simple laser pointer. Concentrated beam of red light that can mean hours upon hours of good fun. While presents itself as a dangerous object with such horrible radiation emitting from it (the wavelength on mine is 630 to 680 nm, which is red visible light, dumbasses!) and always contains warnings that it should never be shined in the eyes and that it is not a toy…. fuck that, it’s a toy! Why do you think I bought it? Some professional usage?

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Hail to the Redskins!!!

January 1, 2006

YAY!!!!!!!!!!

Redskins! Redskins! Redskins! Redskins! Redskins!

Washington Redskins are going to the playoffs! Lead ’em on, Gibbs! Lead ’em to victory!

And just so we’re clear, let’s get a few things straight. The Washington Redskins are the best team in the NFL. Even when they suck (which they often do) they’re still the greatest football team ever.

The Dallas Cowboys, on the other hand, are the worst team in the NFL, even when they are doing great, they still fucking suck and need to just die. They are the bad guys. They must always be defeated. I hope the Rams butt them into oblivion tonight. As my father taught me to say to my uncle when I was 3 years old: “Dallas sucks!”

They suck so much that I shall rant about them in more depth later on.

Anyway, to review. If you like the Washington Redskins, you rule and are an awesome person. If you like the Dallas Cowboys, you’re a worthless sack of shit. Plain and simple.

Oh, and Happy New Year everybody!

Tiny Blogs

Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s time for a special Sure, Why Not? session of….

YOU SUCK!!!

Today’s recipient of this message of suckiness are people who have, create, or are somehow or another involved in those tiny blogs you see sometimes. Blogs in general have a wide, vast range of stupid shit worth bitching about, and I kind of hate to kick off the Fortress’s YOU SUCK sessions with something so common, but I don’t really care right now. Anyway, on with it.
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Pet Store

December 30, 2005

(The following took place on December 1, 2005.)

I walk on by this cute little Gaithersburg pet store, and what should I see on the door but an orange cardboard sign reading “Children under 16 MUST be accompanied by an adult at all times. Thank you.” So, naturally, I expect an explanation for this, what with my mental ageism detectors going off and all.

I go right into the store and wait a bit until the employees, or at least ones I could readily identify as employees, were no longer busy with customers. Got to be polite, you know. It’s rule number one. I looked at the cute puppies for a little while until the employees were behind the counter, not with a customer, and not on the phone. Good. What with waiting for them to be available (and getting my own cell phone call while waiting, so I had to leave the store to worry with that), I began to worry I’d back down. After all, I’ve never had much of a confrontational nature. Nope. I was determined now. Or, well, not so much determined. Just set on it for the moment.
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Make It Chewable!

December 29, 2005

I hereby decree….

All vitamins and medicines must be chewable!

Well, not only chewable but tasty as well. I mean, technically vitamin B12 and One-a-Day pills can be chewed but they taste like shit. Chewing may become necessary if you’re like me and can’t swallow a pill that’s so fucking big. Boy, was I pleased to find Centrum makes yummy orange flavored chewable vitamins. They make children’s vitamins chewable and delicious! They can do it for all of them. And, damn it, they should!

Same goes for medicines. All medicines that it is humanly possible to do so for should have chewable versions. Keep the swallowing pill kinds for those who want it, but I want chewables! Yummy chewables that don’t taste like some sour or bitter shit. Stomach medicines are usually quite good about it. Good for them. Cold medicines? They need to be chewable. I mean, what fucking good is a big-ass pill going to be when one of the main symptoms of having a cold is throat and tonsil inflammation which, you guessed it!, makes swallowing especially difficult?! Grrr.

And syrupy or hot-liquid type medicines aren’t good either! Some are good (orange Triaminic, for one!), but they suck too. Alka-Seltzer is kind of a grey area. But, yeah, chewables all the way, dammit!

And This is Sure, Why Not?

Meh.

I’d say it’s pretty well summed up back on the main page. I’ll be posting stuff on here from time to time. Stuff I’ll try my hardest to keep relatively interesting. Aside from these first two posts, of course, which I know suck major ass. Introductory crap. What do you want?

And I called it Sure, Why Not? because that’s about my most commonly said phrase. Just ask my little cousin. Hehehe. Although, these days, it probably takes a back seat to how often I say “meh”.

Now that this crap is out of the way…. stay tuned for what other crap I’ll write up to post here!