Christmas Time! – Page 11

Grown Up Christmas List

December 3, 2009

Now for a festively ageist version of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

I’ve griped about certain Christmas songs many times before, and will surely continue to do so even long after I’m dead. So here’s another whose creator I’d like to throw screaming into the middle of the ocean.

This song is “Grown Up Christmas List”. Just the title threw up some red flags to die-hard pro-youth me. Then at some point I actually heard the song and listened to the lyrics. Yup, I’d say those red flags are quite warranted. :irked:

Basically, the song is about someone asking Santa for wars to never start, for everyone to have a friend, for love to never end. Hmmm… that sounds very nice actually. I can get on board with that. It’s a very nice song.

However! One little problem which completely ruins it and makes it not the lovely song it could be but downright objectionable. Remember that title? Yeah, the idea is that this person is asking Santa for all these nice things, as opposed asking for toys or other material things. In other words, material items are things kids ask for, but adults want nicer things like peace and love and whatnot. Because, naturally, kids are inherently selfish and just want lots of toys.

Oh, boy, yet another example of yuletide hatred of children.

Go fuck yourself with a crucifix, Amy Grant.

Inaction of Grace

December 2, 2009

So last week on Thanksgiving, I was at my family’s house and we were sitting down for our turkey dinner, which was late because Thanksgiving dinner really shouldn’t be served when it’s dark outside unless it’s the second one of the day. My mom is the type of person who doesn’t know shit about religion but clings to certain aspects for no other reason than “you’re supposed to”, which I suppose fits her right in with a good 95% of the world’s population. So when all of us are sitting at the table, she starts to say a prayer of thanks, and my dad puts his head down, too. My brother and I, on the other hand, are having no part of it. I just went ahead and kept eating, and he didn’t join in since he saw I wasn’t. My mom noticed he didn’t and was all like “why didn’t you pray?” and he’s like “Katrina didn’t either!”
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Elusive 2009

January 1, 2009

So that psychopathic monster known as 2008 has finally come to an end. But… what shall 2009 be?

Win? Fail? Lulz? I think lulz.

Anyway, did you make a resolution? No? Good, resolutions are for losers. And how can you make one? This brand new year is a total mystery. We don’t know what’s going to happen. I mean, things should remain pretty much the same, but other shit happens. Goes beyond the win, fail, or lulz question. Right now, we’re wandering into a dark quiet forest, that may either turn out to be just a nice quiet stroll or blindly parading yourself to doom at the claws of a myriad of forest creatures.

So enjoy your hike, but, well, bring a weapon. Just in case.

Notes 2008

December 31, 2008

It has been the year 2008, a year that for the preceding year and a half I knew would be turbulent, full of changes, and having just about anything happen. I don’t know why I got that sensation, dating all the way back to mid-2006. Just did. Had this strong feeling that upon going into 2009, the world would be a very different place. And you know what? This year has pretty much lived up to it! So let’s review! 😀
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Feliz Navidad

December 25, 2008

Once more, Christmas has come upon us. Christmas of 2008, the year which has proven to be truly a year where anything can happen and most likely will. Yesterday, was another Christmas Eve, living up to its reputation, to me anyway, of being the longest day of the year. From still having to go to work, to having to stay at work a little after when the boss told us to go on home (11:30am) to wait for some FedEx package that I ended up giving up on, to finishing the wrapping of presents, to annoying family, to briefly stopping by a party being held by my mom’s Greek friend (i.e. there were like 100 people there and a fuckton of Greek food!), to getting to the late night Christmas Eve church service where I totally wore my Santa hat the whole time!

And an amazing thing happened.

Well, okay, it’s not that amazing. Anyway, near the end of the service, after communion, came time to sing Silent Night. Usually, with the lights low and everyone holding candles and the general mood of it, one can get a little emotional and teary-eyed. Not this time!

Good. Getting emotional like that is a minor loss of self control. Instead of the message being an emotional one, now the same tune and words, they brought happiness and a smile. Why? Emotions are weakness and a vulnerability. What good is being an emotional idiot over some religious passage? None. Instead, the words meant pretty much nothing, and there was merely a triumphant smile.

Yeah, Jesus is born, here to save us, blah blah blah… whatever. I do what I want. So I’m happy! And it’s the only way good can get done regardless of motivation. It’s a nice story, sure, and whether or not it’s true doesn’t really matter that much to me. That’s all fine and good, but the real question is what specifically I’m supposed to do about it. If anything, no different from what is done already. So what difference does it make?

Okay, one difference. And I’d rather be happy and smiling.

Merry Christmas!

Home for the Holidays

December 23, 2008

That’s another Christmas song and phenomenon that irks me. I mentioned it last year in the Fallible Family entry, but I keep hearing this song so I’m thinking of this again.

“If you want to be happy in a million ways, for the holidays, you can’t beat home sweet home!”

The whole song is basically “leave wherever you are and go home several states away!”
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Die Hippo!

December 22, 2008

It is one of my sincerest wishes that whoever came up with that awful song “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” should be tied down and stabbed in the ears with a long sword. That way, they’ll know how the rest of us feel whenever the song comes on the radio. I wish a similar penalty for whoever decided to put it on the air to begin with.

I mean, what the hell? It’s a horrid thing to hear and it’s just trying to sound all “cutesy” because the little kid is saying the whole word “hippopotamus” and that it sort of rhymes with Christmas. Not to mention it’s a ridiculous thing to want as a gift. On all counts, it’s right up there on the annoyance level of “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth”.
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Mary Magdalene

December 21, 2008

I hereby decree…

Mary Magdalene was not a prostitute!

It’s a sort of “common knowledge” tidbit about the Bible that gets circulated around. Everyone is all like “ooh, Mary Magdalene was a hooker and then she found Jesus and was changed.” It gets believed she was the woman they were throwing stones at when Jesus made his famous declaration that only he who is without sin may cast the first stone at her.

But if you actually read the passage in the Bible (it’s in Luke somewhere), you see the woman there is not named.

So where are you people getting this?

I mean, it makes for a bit of an inspiring little story that even this unclean whore could still rise up to being one of Jesus’s disciples, in an unofficial sense. Or his wife depending on who you ask. But that is just not what’s in the story, whether the canon gospels or the lost ones.

Hell, isn’t there enough made up shit in scripture as it is? Must we add to it?

fye on Them!

December 20, 2008

So I was just Christmas shopping today at the mall, and sure enough, I’m walking by the f.y.e. and what do I see there to annoy me but a taped up sign saying “All f.y.e customers under age 15 must be accompanied by an adult at all times.”

Ugh. So, I then had to abandon my Christmas shopping for a bit and go out to my car to get my trusty flyer about how age discrimination is illegal in Maryland. I returned to the store to try to talk to an employee about it and get them to remove the sign.
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Little Drummer Warners

December 19, 2008

Now, for a divine, animated edition of…

Here’s to You!

So I raise my glass and say, “Here’s to you, Animaniacs!”

I made of mention of this in last year’s Secular Specials entry, where I mentioned the reasons some Christmas specials tend to not touch the story of Jesus’s birth much (or it at least might seem that way). Basically, it’s safer not to. With all these oversensitive Christian morons running around, one false step on the sacred ground that is the nativity story could have like 5,000 midwestern churches wanting your head on a platter. Yet you might have these same people also whining that Jesus is being phased out of Christmas, a doublespeak typical of evangelicals. They want Jesus to get more of a mention, but if you try, they pipe up with “YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!” And because doing the nativity story can have the side effect of coming off as proselytizing, makes it all the more appealing to just stick to other Christmas stories.
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