London 2016, Part 3: Potter & Bard

September 25, 2016

Part 1Part 2 – Part 3 – Part 4Part 5

(Note: This trip took place before JK Rowling was revealed to be hateful transphobic garbage. Her views and actions thereof as of late are repugnant to say the least, and, though I found it enjoyable on the day recounted below, I wouldn’t be visiting the studio or any other associated locations now.)

While up and getting ready for the day, I had the BBC on the TV, in its natural habitat. They were talking things back home in the US, about the police brutality and our completely bonkers upcoming election. Weird feeling hearing the perspective on all this from a different country, a feeling I can’t quite describe.

Not to mention the ads I’m seeing for a regular morning news segment about our presidential election. Hosted by Jerry Springer. -_-

Then again, you’re the dumbasses who just Brexited, so STFU.

So I went on out, grabbed some coffee, and made my way back to where I was last night. Near this thing again.

But next door to here.

I was a bit early so I waited around for the tour to begin and others to show up for it. The guide came along, and we wandered through all things bard.

Is this a miniature replica of this building inside this building? Does that mean there’s another miniature replica inside the replica, and so on? What have I stumbled into?!

The immortal bard’s immortal stage. Or at least a recreation of it. When the tour group arrived in here sometime before I took this picture, there was some sort of Elizabethan knife fight going on up there. Hard core.

After parting with more of my cash in the gift shop, on some magnets, coffee mug, and a manga versions of Hamlet and A Midsummer Night’s Dream that I could not resist, I trudged on out, wandering eastward, now around noontime.

Neat tunnel.

This is cool. It’s the Southwark Cathedral. Pronounced like “southern” with a K instead of an N. I’ll pop in here.

Neat.

Even the anthills are fancy.

I think something is about to go down.

Checked out the London Fire memorial briefly, and then it was back on the Tube. I thought I should get off and head to my hotel real quick to drop off what I had, but I wasn’t sure if I’d have time before the next thing to do. Also, I started to feel unwell on the train ride. The pasty perhaps? Or mild motion sickness? Whatever the case, I ended up just staying on to my destination, keeping my Shakespeare souvenirs with me even for the next thing.

I waited around for a little while, as were a few other people, feeling like I should find something to eat while waiting but still feeling a little queasy. Then came the bus, all decked out as expected. We boarded, and we were on the way, as the first movie was being played for us during the ride.

How long could the ride be? We were going to just outside London, from the very center of it, which I guess might take half an hour tops?

Well, it might in a normal city. This is not a normal city. After lots of traffic lights and weaving through small roads, which all of the roads were, in areas that predate major motorways by centuries, it took closer to two hours. But we finally arrived.

At this major violation of the International Statute of Secrecy.

I once again think something is about to go down.

We went inside, through a quick security check, during which I again wished I’d been able to drop off the Shakespeare stuff at my hotel first. Then we were waiting around for the tour to begin, with a small cafe there. I was feeling a bit better now, so I got a sandwich and a drink, that I was able to scarf down before they called us in.

Wow, it’s THE cupboard under the stairs! The anti-magic child abuse feels so real.

They opened the doors to begin the tour, and there we were in the main hall.

Gryffindor in the lead.

The candles are held up by wire? My whole life has been a lie!

Oh, there’s a plaque here about them. It says: “To create the illusion of the floating candles for Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, every ‘candle’ consisted of a candle-shaped tube filled with spirit oil and topped with a wick. Each candle was suspended by a tungsten wire from a motorised rig like this one, which was digitally removed during post-production. However, during the first days of filming, candles burned through the wire and fell onto the tables. For the safety of the actors, the producers wisely decided to cut most of the rigs in the Great Hall and create the illusion with digital effects intead.”

LOL

It’s the Gryffindor common room, and nobody has a head.

Do you know why Professor Dumbledore has called you here?

Fuck off, Snape, I’m potion making as best I can.

Won’t open. I guess my Parseltongue is a bit rusty.

Just leaving that open so just anyone can fall in and be held captive by someone Polyjuice-impersonating them.

The Weasley clock is scissors! Tell the people!

In a world of Death Eaters, dare to be the Black relative who gets burned off.

Back of my hand stings just looking at this. As do my eyes.

“Boys must be seen to keep their hands on the outside of their school capes.”

That September 1st feeling.

About halfway through, there was a small snack area, with one stand selling butterbeer! Been wanting to try that ever since I first read Prisoner of Azkaban.

Mmmmm. Finally.

I mean, okay, it’s just cream soda, but it was tasty. Anyway, we don’t have a ton of time to get through and be back on the bus, so better get a move on.

Whoa. Who did I see die?

Ah, here we go. All that searching the other day on Charing Cross Road, but I needed to find a bus rather than a brick wall.

Hmph. And Molly tried to stand in their way.

Establishing shot!

After that, finally reached the end into the enormous gift shop. Really wishing I’d put the Shakespeare stuff in my hotel room earlier because I wanted to buy All The Things. Also wishing they gave us more time, because in order to see the exhibits and do it any justice and then browse the gift shop effectively, I was seriously cutting it close and might miss the bus back to central London. There were so many shirts of the four Hogwarts houses and with the Deathly Hallows symbol and the Platform 9 3/4 logo. Wands. Marauder’s Maps. Posters. But barely much time to look around and think about what I wanted because I had mere minutes before that bus was going to leave and strand me in Watford. I managed to snag a few keychains and magnets and a grey Hogwarts t-shirt. There would be another opportunity for Harry Potter merch before this trip was done, so I tried not to stress about it.

I got out to the bus, seeing it still there as the driver was standing outside waiting for more riders to return. I mentioned I barely had much time to shop in the store before the bus would leave, and he was like “you could have just caught the next one”. Now you tell me!

An hour and a half later, we returned to Victoria Station, and I took the Tube back to my hotel. And once again I needed to figure out dinner. I got back to my room and looked on Google Maps to see what restaurants I might try nearby, but nothing looked too appealing and I wasn’t much up for being out and about again. I settled for some spring rolls at the bar in my hotel. At least there I could still use the hotel WiFi and look at stuff online on my phone.

Part 1Part 2 – Part 3 – Part 4Part 5