I went outside earlier and looked up at the sky. Though mostly cloudy, to the south I could see it. A weak, distant sun.
Alright, sun. Come on back.
To which the sun replied, “Why should I?”
Because it’s the winter solstice. It’s dark here.
“But when I leave this nice Tropic of Capricorn, it’s gets dark in the south. Why are you so special?”
Not a matter of special. It’s just time.
“That’s your only reason? It’s just time? What if I want to stay over here?”
Pretty sure that’d be a natural disaster.
“And why should I care about that? You know, Earth, you are some piece of work. Expecting everything from me.”
We can’t help that.
“Not that you are so appreciative. Six months ago, when I was shining all brightly around you and leaving the south in the dark, weren’t you all just bitching about the heat?”
“And why should I shine anywhere on your stupid planet? The crap you all do to each other. Should just let you all rot in darkness.”
We’re much more than just humans.
“Yeah, well, don’t get me started on spiders!”
And even so, what is this? Your own little naughty or nice list?
“Please! Santa is the one who stole that shit from me!”
“But you know what I hate most of all? You humans and your little solstice celebrations and the like. I send light and energy your way, and you all decide to attach more shit to me than that. I’m a star that happens to be close to you. And you benefit from me and have life. A life of stupidity.”
“Stupidity! In that every six months, whichever hemisphere is dark wants me to come back the other way, but I’m not even the one who moved. It’s your own stupid planet that keeps spinning around me and tilting certain ways at certain times, and yet I catch flak for it. Well, I’ve had it.”
Going to turn yourself off? Going supernova so fast?
“No. I’ll just let you have what you want. Your northern days will steadily get brighter now, from your own planetary revolving and tilting. But come summer I’m giving you some massive heat!”
Well, okay. Though if all you actually do is sit there and cast out light and energy, some of which happens to reach us, how much control do you have over that?
“No need. Your greenhouse gases are doing that one well enough.”
Um… I think I’ll just go Christmas shopping now…
“You do that.”