Seven Deadly Sins

I hereby decree…

Life’s too short for the seven deadly sins.

I’ve been thinking about these for the past couple of days. Pride. Gluttony. Lust. Anger. Sloth. Greed. Envy.

And those are all a damn waste of time. I’d say they are sins for good reason. They suck! They all make you act like an irrational moron and possibly hurt yourself and those you care about. Let’s go through them.

Greed. I hate greed. You just want more and more for whatever dumbass reasons, way more than you need, and often obtaining things to satisfy only greed harms others more than it helps you. Quit being greedy. It’ll screw you over.

Lust. Well, okay, it’s only natural to want some loving. But be smart about it. Don’t screw everything that moves. That’s how you get diseased and labeled a pervert. What’s funny is how logical types like to discuss the irrationality of most of these seven deadly sin behaviors, but they seem to support this one. Shows where their “great” minds are, right?

Gluttony. Mmmmm…. food. Food is good. Very good. But don’t overdo it or you’ll find yourself with diabetes, obesity, high cholesterol, and other unpleasant crap. Food great. Eating great. Gluttony for the lose.

Anger. Screw anger. Anger sucks. Anger makes me angry. You blow your top in fury and lose self control. You’re pissed off and make those around you miserable. Sure, they most likely deserve it, but there’s better ways to go about it. Anger is weakness. Patience and cunning for the win.

Pride. There’s an important difference between pride and good self-esteem. People tell you that you should be proud, but not really. They are referring to having good self-esteem, which is good, because insecurity sucks and leads to acting out these seven deadly sins. Pride in the sinful sense is more going around with a “shit-don’t-stink” attitude. And you just look ridiculous. You’re no better than anyone else, asshole. You’re entitled to shit. And not the non-stinking kind you think you have.

Sloth. Lazy bastards! Okay, myself included, there. Especially last year during my many months of unemployment. Sleep hours were way off. It sucked. Slept way too much, and when I was awake I could never fall asleep when I wanted to. I was trapped in my own vicious nocturnal cycle. Sleep good. Too much sleep bad. We clear?

And, finally, the one I must admit I am the worst with…

Envy. Jealousy. Leads to anger and greed. Probably sloth too if you stew in it for too long. It makes no sense. Why waste your time with envying someone for something they have yet you don’t? What the hell good is that going to do? Thing is, it doesn’t always make sense. Makes sense sometimes, such as being unable to make ends meet, and you see some asshole who just won the lottery. Yeah, that kind of envy makes sense. What does not make sense is when you’re jealous of someone for something that, really, you don’t even want! You know you don’t want it. Yet you just feel a grudge coming on when seeing someone else enjoying what you just think you wished you had, but really you know you’re better off without it. Because of this, you don’t even know why you feel this way. You just wish you could get over it, but you can’t. And, believe me, it really sucks.