Teenagers, Oh My!

January 31, 2007

I know this is two in a row now, but here’s another set of people who seriously should…


These whiny parents and grandparents who feel like they just have to make the same tired “joke” about the “ordeal” it is when their children are teenagers.

“Oh, kids are great, but then they become teenagers!”
“Wait until your kids are teenagers, then you’ll feel sorry for all the horrible things you did at that age.”
“Have teens around makes you age very fast!”


Okay, I can accept light hearted remarks here and there about familial status, even if it is mind numblingly stale. It would be fine if in all other aspects, family members were all on equal footing. But seeing as they are not, and seeing as this is a sign of clear discontentment at someone’s mere existence having lived a certain number of years that they cannot help, it gets nasty.

But enough about that. If any of the above quotes sounds like you, guess what. Get the hell over it. You probably heard shit like this all the time, and once your kid’s thirteenth birthday hit, you were practically running for the hills. You were on the defensive. I mean, listen to some of the stupid shit people complain about when it comes to teenagers.

“He doesn’t talk to me anymore!”
“She spends all her time in her room!”
“He just wants to go out with his friends all the time!”
“She’s moody!”

*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*

You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say we were referring to a HUMAN here! Seriously, adults do all that shit. They do all that and it is normal for them, but when teens do the same damn thing, they act like it’s some kind of problem. This is just another instance where parents can’t seem to accept that there isn’t a problem no matter how much they wish there was.

And parents? Cut it out. Your children’s teenage years are hell for you? Oh, excuse me while I throw you a pity party. I’ve got some news for you. You’re not all that innocent, asshole! It’s not like the teen years are all that great with you acting like your kid is a monster for no other reason than a fucking number. I hate to break it to you, but that little baby you squeezed out several years back wasn’t supposed to stay that way forever. I realize it seriously is hard to grasp, but if you wanted a being that was always obedient and always cute and you could treat as an object, get a fucking dog!

I don’t feel sorry for you. Nor do I care that I’d allegedly think differently if I were in your situation. Hell, I probably would, but even then, merely out of overwhelming irrational emotional force, which has time and again proven detrimental when it so overrides the ability to think. If my kid turns thirteen, sure, I might wish he was still a baby and still acted like he was five, but it doesn’t change that whatever I may wish like that, it isn’t true and never will be. He’d still be thirteen. He’d still be a cognizant person just like the rest of us. He’d still be deserving of basic respect and human rights. He would not need to earn my respect any more than I would have to earn his.

Is a two-way street so hard for you people? Are you so under the impression you have to assert your dominance all the time? Are you so insecure? I realize the local news tells you you’re supposed to, but, local news is made for closed-minded old people who wish it was still the forties. Interestingly enough, when they were still teenagers. But beside the point.

Build a nice trusting relationship with your kid, without any dominance or coercion or any of that perverted crap. Then the teen years should go quite well. Then, get this, you won’t be some sobbing loser running back to your own parents apologizing for all the “horrible” things you did when you were a teen, because “you understand now what it’s like”. No. Instead, you could follow the true American dream: telling your parents to shove it.

Better still, that would allow your kids to follow an even greater American dream: having parents who don’t deserve to be told to shove it. It’s a rare gift. Wonderful gift. Your children deserve that, right? 🙂

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