There I was checking out what search phrases hit Science Village when I happen upon a link that says “Are You Pregnant? Take our Quiz to find out!” Hmmm. Good question. If I’m pregnant, I’d sure like to know about it! So I took the quiz.
My age? Somewhere between 20 and 29. Why? Does that mean I’m pregnant? Oh, dear.
Oh, wait, there’s more questions.
My last period? Well, let’s see. My last day of high school was in June of 1998. So, yeah, last period of the last day of school was around then. I think the class was French. Oh, no, that’s right. It was geometry.
When might I have gotten pregnant? Shit, if I knew THAT I wouldn’t be in this mess!
Are my periods regular or irregular? Well, when I was actually in middle school and high school, they were regular. Seven periods a day. Seriously, what’s with all these school schedule questions?
What’s my method of birth control? I don’t know. How would I control something like that? I’m not the Chinese government. I’ll just say Nothing.
Do I have nausea? Right now? Yeah, sort of. I’m still stuffed from dinner.
Have I been vomiting? If Chris keeps making doctored pics of me and Alex, I just might!
Breast tenderness? Well, I don’t cook chicken that often so it’s hard to say. Got to go to a restaurant for some nice, tender chicken breasts.
Do I urinate more often? Who’s to say? Everything I drink is a diuretic!
Have I gained weight recently? Nah. Pants don’t feel any tighter than usual.
The chance of pregnancy is moderate.
Oh, shit! Well, there you go. I’m having a baby. The quiz says so. Amazing what the Internet can tell us these days, what with determining whether or not you’ve got a little one growing inside you via questions about high school, poultry, and world population. I mean, I’m still trying to figure out how it happened, but, you know, these quizzes don’t lie.
That’s that. I’m going to be a mommy. I’d better go start thinking of names now.