Ash Wednesday

March 1, 2006

Alright, fellow children of God (hehe, I can’t say that with a straight face!). Listen up. It is now Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. The long 40-day haul of sacrificing some aspect of life out of some token respect for Jesus has begun. You can have whatever it is back on Sundays, and may have it back completely after Good Friday. Jesus suffered and died on the Cross for your sorry, sinful asses. Surely you can give up one measly item or activity. And, hey, it’s only for six straight days, then you can have it back Sunday, then go the six days again. Not that hard.

Gave up coffee? Leave the pot off until Sunday morning. Gave up smoking? Get some lollipops for Monday through Saturday? Gave up sex? Quit shivering, you can still fuck on Sunday.

Just don’t be stupid and give up something you need or something that giving it up screws over other people. I mean, don’t go giving up leaving the house and wondering why you lost your fucking job. Pick something else. Or if you’re a firefighter and you gave up using helmets and asbestos gloves and shit. That’s just suicide. Last I checked, suicide is a sin. One you die with. At least it should be. It’s kind of cheating if you think about it.

So that’s the gist of Lent. Don’t screw it up.

Oh, and don’t forget that Ash Wednesday and Good Friday are meatless. Fish is okay, though. They are probably also a fasting days, but meh. Whatever. Just don’t let me catch you eating a fucking hamburger today, dipshit.