So this past weekend, we got a shit ton of snow here. Yay! Lots of snow and the electricity stayed on. I call that awesome.
Ever watch some local network TV station during a big snow storm? All programming is preempted for storm coverage, so that we can stay up to date on new developments in the storm…
“Hi, I’m reporting from Reston, and yes, it is snowing here. Don’t drive! Wait, look, some dipshit is driving in this. Hey, dipshit, why the fuck are you driving? Come explain to us why the fuck you are driving.” *interview with driving dipshit* “Now on to Rockville.”
“Here in Rockville, yes, it is snowing. Oh, look, some dipshit is driving on Rockville Pike. And it’s windy. Oh, my God, look at the wind blowing around. Can you see how windy it is? I’m slowly freezing to death.”
“And I’m reporting from Dupont Circle. Oh, look, some weirdo is walking their dog, even though that’s not weird at all and people in much colder climates have dogs to walk and dogs still have to pee despite the weather. Let’s interview this person walking their dog and have them tell us exactly that. Oh, look, some weirdo is cross country skiing. Let’s interview this weirdo.”
“And I’m back in the studio. What do you mean there are people outside and not cowering in fear?! And now the weather map we showed you three minutes ago that has not changed in any significant way. Yes, it is still snowing.”
“Here’s footage of a local mayor or governor saying that, yes, it is snowing, and get the fuck off the roads, dipshits. Why aren’t you staying inside cowering?”
Ah, great fun.