Month: December 2008

Little Drummer Warners

December 19, 2008

Now, for a divine, animated edition of…

Here’s to You!

So I raise my glass and say, “Here’s to you, Animaniacs!”

I made of mention of this in last year’s Secular Specials entry, where I mentioned the reasons some Christmas specials tend to not touch the story of Jesus’s birth much (or it at least might seem that way). Basically, it’s safer not to. With all these oversensitive Christian morons running around, one false step on the sacred ground that is the nativity story could have like 5,000 midwestern churches wanting your head on a platter. Yet you might have these same people also whining that Jesus is being phased out of Christmas, a doublespeak typical of evangelicals. They want Jesus to get more of a mention, but if you try, they pipe up with “YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!” And because doing the nativity story can have the side effect of coming off as proselytizing, makes it all the more appealing to just stick to other Christmas stories.
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Tell It Like It Is

December 17, 2008

That is one overused phrase.

“Oh, yeah, he’s tellin’ it like it is!”

Heh. Cute.

On NYRA and similar places, it’s a nice substitute for, well, actually saying something substantial.

Then I heard it during the ending of the Eurythmics’ version of “Winter Wonderland”.

I don’t know. Winder Wonderland doesn’t strike me as a “tell it like it is” moment.

Median Occupancy One

December 16, 2008

I hereby decree…

If I’m trying to make a left turn and am on the median waiting for cars to go by so I can make the turn, and you’re behind me, stay behind me before you cross the first part of the road until I move, and then you can come to the median!

Did that make any sense?

Seriously, I’m trying to make a left turn, and the car behind me wants to make a left turn as well. When the cars heading to my right have gone by, I drive forward to the little break in the median and wait there so I can make my left turn.
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Same Day

December 15, 2008

So I was at work today and around 9:30am I placed an order for something my coworker needed in the lab. I go through the normal process and everything and am told they’d ship it out today for tomorrow’s delivery. I said that’s fine.

Around 1pm I see a guy come into our suite with a box from the company I just ordered from that morning. Sure enough, it was the stuff I ordered.

Whoa! Just three and a half hours after I placed the order. That blew my mind.

True, this company is only about 20 miles away from here, but still. Amazing.

What the Swear Is this Curse?

December 13, 2008

Now for a profane, wicked version of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

These morons all over the place who are whiny crying idiots over so-called swear words. Oh noes, don’t use such language on TV or in public, because people might be offended.

Does it offend you? If not, then you are at least marginally respectable. If so, GOOD! You deserve to be offended, dumbass. If you’re going to give mere words and sounds so much power over you, you deserve to be miserable over it. The rest of us will carry on happily.
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Never Work a Day

December 11, 2008

Now for an industrial, career-oriented session of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

It’s a cute little bit of “advice” often given: find a career you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. It’s often told to young people to encourage them to choose enjoyable careers. And, like most things commonly told to youth, it’s utter bullcrap.

Doing something for money has a strange effect on you, no matter how much you might normally enjoy that something. It still becomes work. Your job could be testing water slides and shooting off fireworks and eating ice cream, but everyday you’d still be grudgingly getting up to go all like “ugh, another day, got to go down another damn water slide and shoot off another damn firework and if I see one more spoon of ice cream, I’ll puke”.
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Frosty’s Acceptance

December 10, 2008

So this snowman just comes to life once some magic hat gets put on his head. Pretty cool. He’s all happy and laughing and dancing around.

But then comes a day that is a bit warmer. Alive and ambulatory and sentient though he may be, he is still somehow made entirely of snow, and his very existence is threatened by the gradual rising of the mercury.

How does Frosty the Snowman cope with this inevitability?

So he said let’s run, let’s have some fun, before I melt away.

You’re going to die, and soon, so what do you do? Shrug it off and just keep having fun! Good advice.

The Little Tree

December 9, 2008

So I was watching Charlie Brown’s Christmas last night and noticed something. What’s the “moral” to the story? The thing about Linus telling about Jesus and all. Perhaps. My dad sure likes to talk about how great it is that it focuses on Jesus like that, taking the time to go into another ignorant diatribe about how “the Jews are making it illegal to mention Jesus!”.

But the story continued after Linus’s soliloquy. Charlie Brown was now smiling as he took the tree out of the auditorium, and then came the real moral to the story, one that rings true for a lot of people during the holiday season. When he said this line: “I’m not going to let all this commercialism ruin MY Christmas!”
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