Hold Please

Being put on hold has its perks. Assload of annoyances, but yes, perks as well.

My main task at work is ordering lab supplies. I call up the nice vendor and read off a bunch of catalog numbers my coworkers gave me.

One of my favorite vendors to call is Fisher Scientific. I call them at least once a week for something or other. Usually along the lines of “where the hell is my damn order, bitches?!” 😀

Even though by and large, I place orders with them online, I’ve called them a lot. In fact, I’ve called them so much, the hold music has gotten stuck in my head on several occasions. It’s always the same music. Kind of grew on me after a while. Well, not always the exact same tune. There’s another one that I get sometimes as well, but nonetheless, always those two. The more common one is some jazzy sounding piece with lots of horns and such. So I’ve nicknamed it “the jazzy one”. The other is more stringy and flutey. I call that one “sounds suspiciously like the music from World 3 in Super Mario Bros 3”. Okay, doesn’t sound exactly like it, but reminds me of it.

I’ve called Fisher so much and been on hold so much that, for both hold tunes, I’ve sat there and timed the music, to see how long each loop is. The jazzy one is about four minutes and the other is about four and a half. When the tunes loop several times, I know I’ve been on a while! It’s okay, though. Paying attention to the hold music somehow makes the time go by faster. More on that in a sec, though.

Ever been on hold so long you forgot why you were calling in the first place? Hehehe. But I digress.

So I called them this week, and, as I kind of expected, the music was totally different. It was a medley of Deck the Halls and Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy. For Christmastime! Cool. But then I was repeatedly annoyed. Every so often, a voiceover came on saying “We here at Fisher Scientific wish you a Happy Holiday Season!”

Okay, I can live with that. What’s grating?

“Your call is important to us. We will be with you shortly.”

Look, folks. Don’t do the voice over assuring me my call is important. Just play some damn music (with a two minute loop at the shortest, I called one with a 20 second loop one time, OMFG!!!) and shut the hell up. If you just play music, I do not think you’ve forgotten about my call any more than I would when you’re doing your “Your call is important to us”. A recording is a recording is a recording. With the voiceover, though, I’m being dragged back into the reality that I’m waiting to ask some question to some sales rep who sees my call as a blinking red light on the phone console and is wondering when the next coffee break is so she can cry in the bathroom. Time does not go by quickly. Just play the damn music. No, not some ad for the company. If I’m calling the company, chances are I already know it exists and what it sells, moron! Play the music and let me escape from my daunting tedious tasks until you’re ready to take my order for some expensive reagent that I’ll have to return to you next week because my coworker picked out the wrong one. :doitnow: