You Will Get No Sympathy from Me

August 14, 2006

Ever notice how when something bad happens to a kid, people tend to act like it’s the kid’s parents who are suffering so badly? Oftentimes this holds true even when said kid is grown up. I’ve fallen into this trap myself. My aunt has been having a lot of health issues the past several years, including various cancers and heart troubles. And so many of us worry about how my grandmother is doing through all of this.

I caught myself in it one day upon realizing it. Yeah, my grandmother is going through hell over it (which sucks since it seems like all nine of her children have always been in some major mess or another!). But, you know, I’d say it isn’t exactly walk in the park for my aunt, either! Sure, my grandmother gets sympathy for this, but about the same as my other aunts and uncles and my mom do.

Of course, this is a woman in her fifties we’re talking about. You get this stuff to a greater extent when said person is under 18 (21, 25, 30, whatever, it varies).

Picture this. Little boy gets a nasty cold or the chicken pox or some malady or another. Sure, you feel sorry for him. But you know what? I’ll bet you’re feeling sorry for his parents, too. It’s justified, you think. After all, it pains them to see their boy in such misery, not to mention the hassle of having to nurse him back to health. I’m not denying that. However, when it gets to the extent that you act like the parents are suffering more than the boy is, that’s where it gets ridiculous.

Do you feel sorry for a nurse because she has to take care of her sick patients? Probably not, or at least not nearly to the extent you do for the parents of the sick boy. Do you feel sorry for the boy’s sister? After all, she’s about as worried for his health as their parents are. She still cares about him. But she’s not his mother, so she doesn’t matter, right?

Or how about a friend taking care of a sick or injured friend? Does the caring friend receive anywhere near the sympathy as the parents? Doubtful. Why not, though? He still has to take care of him. He still hates seeing his friend in poor shape. Yet some clowns out there are probably more worried about what the sick friend’s parents are thinking! Parents who aren’t even involved with nursing him back to health.

You know, I get it. Parents care more for their children than anything in the world, so of course their health is most important to them, right? Such is assumed. They get all the sympathy. They get consoled when their daughter breaks her leg, much like they’d get consoled if some valuable item in their house was shattered.

Aha! Now you see where I’m going with this. After all, this “give the sympathy to the parents” mindset is really just another branch off the idea that people are their parents’ property, even well after legal adulthood (even if to a slightly lesser extent then).

I’ve seen it so often and it’s disgusting. Middle school age boys get messed up in a fight, and the first thought on people’s minds is “oh, the poor parents!” Little girl falls off her bike and needs to be rushed to the hospital for stitches, doesn’t matter that she’s the one needing her chin sewn back together. Tell her mother how brave she is to deal with it!

This kind of behavior is dangerous, too. People can become addicted to sympathy. I’ve heard stories of parents who intentionally harm their kids or at least lead them into harm, just so they can have all the doctors, nurses, and everyone else feel sorry for them and tell them how strong there are to handle such an accident prone child. Sick bastards.

Basically, if someone gets horribly injured in a car wreck, I’d say she’s the one I’d be feeling sorry for. Not her parents. They’re not the ones with two broken legs, cracked ribs, and a punctured lung. It’s not about them. I don’t give a crap about them. I give a crap about their mangled daughter who hopefully wouldn’t wind up crippled for the rest of her life. She’s a separate person from them.

Same would apply if she’s five years old and broke her arm after falling off some monkey bars. No, I don’t care what emotional anguish her parents are going through. That’s par for the course. It might get a slight mention, but most importantly, I’m worried for this little five-year-old girl! A broken arm is much more of a disaster for her at such a young age. Heal in six weeks? What are you feeling sorry for the parents for? Six weeks is nothing to them. Six weeks is an eternity to a five-year-old. So, yeah, I’d say she gets the sympathy and her parents can go screw themselves if they somehow think they’re anywhere near as entitled to it.

And I’d bet they’d be pissed if you ever told them that. Try it sometime. “I don’t feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for your daughter!” That’d piss them off. Or try the alternate. “Sure, it’s a shame for her, but I’m worried about what you guys are going through!” They’d eat that shit up.

Parents are sympathy whores. Children get objectified and treated as unimportant. The world keeps turning.

This has been Day 83 of the 100 Days of Summer, Round 6.

One thought on “You Will Get No Sympathy from Me”

  1. Yes, I know…I can’t stand parents’ attention-whoredom. In addition, the attention towards parents is especially pernicious when it comes to children feeling bad BECAUSE of abusive parents, and the parents make it look as if it were something else, and then the media will try to make the parents look as if they are innocent, or something like that.

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