Catastrophe!

March 23, 2006

A couple of days ago, we were sort of expecting snow. Cool. Go read my Snow Rules rant to know more about how I feel about that.

Anyway, I should perhaps have reread the rant myself, as every year I am actually surprised at how the media react to even the remote possibility of snow. Even if the situation is like it was in this case. We had just gotten out of a week of 80 degree weather. On the day in question, the temperature was not supposed to drop below 35. Yet, the news had this to say.

“People are rushing out to the stores to get milk, bread, and toilet paper!”

Oh, my God. Shut the fuck up! Not every fucking thing is a major catastrophe, you piece of shit psychotic news writers. Were there people rushing out to the stores for those things? Likely. Would the stores be especially crowded? Maybe, maybe not. What actually happened on March 21, 2006? We got about five minutes of flurries around noon time that didn’t stick to shit. Oooh. Big disaster.

You see, this is why we have such a fearful population. This is why people worry so much. They’re too fucking stupid to realize the news and other sources are just trying to embellish their stories for ratings. Why? Because you fucking numb skulls will believe every word of it. One child getting kidnapped in your neighborhood will be called a kidnapping crime wave. A toxin found on a head of lettuce because whoever was inspecting it took a nap on the job would become a major agricultural disaster meaning all of our food is contaminated. A woman stupid enough to bang her leg on a kitchen cabinet turns into a sensationalist crapfest about hidden dangers in your kitchen that will kill you.

Enough! Won’t you people get it? Why are you falling for this? They want you to be scared of every fucking thing. That way, you’ll believe the bullshit they spoon feed you all the time, serving only to make you more and more terrified of everything. Terrified your children will be kidnapped out of your living room. Terrified a hamburger you just ate will sterilize you. Terrified we’ll be attacked by terrorists any second now. Terrified to go to any mechanic for fear they’ll steal the parts from your car. Terrified to talk to anybody you don’t know even in the safest of environments. Terrified to go to the bathroom for some reason. Terrified your kid might get eye cancer from watching half an hour of television. Terrified your grandfather’s nursing home is poisoning him. Terrified you’re not drinking enough gallons of water per day. Terrified your doctor will give you a vasectomy when all you went in for was to find out if you have strep throat.

Yes, life is terrifying. Depends how you view it, really. But being tricked into being terrified of stuff that is extremely unlikely, while totally glossing over stuff that is actually worth worrying about, is very harmful to people personally and collectively. Use your head, stupid!

Oh, wait. Forgot. You shouldn’t listen to me. You shouldn’t even be reading this. Because everyone knows people who communicate via the Internet are always liars. The mainstream media says so. How convenient.