In March of last year, I wrote about bullying, and mentioned it again just over a month ago. It’s a thing that must be stopped, the victims defended, the perpetrators punished severely, the bystanders prodded to action.
However, there’s a little complication that becomes obvious to anyone who has dealt with people ever. And that is… what if it just isn’t clear which one is the bully and which is the victim?
In many cases, two people are engaging in abusive or harassing behavior toward each other and are both miserable over it. I’ve seen a number of these situations over the past couple of years, and I’ve wanted to defend one against the other, only to see the other is in the same situation. It simply isn’t so clear cut.
And that’s another reason it annoys me that adults take such a simplistic view of bullying among kids and teens. Yes, even among young people, these things can be and often are rather complicated. The bully you’re coming down hard on is probably being harassed by the supposed victim that you’re fawning over. Not to mention that, in encouraging other kids to step in, it’s then up to them to not only muster the courage to insert themselves in a clearly hostile situation that has nothing to do with them but to try to determine just which one is the villain here. They may just be seeing this one altercation and know nothing about a bigger picture. True, if anyone is being outright violent or threatening, yeah, try to diffuse the immediate situation if you can. But the bigger issue may be a lot more complicated, at any age.
Just look at basically any arguing couple to see a perfect example! 😆
Yep.