So I came across this cutesy crap in my MySpace bulletin list today. Figured it was worth a mention over here. Basically, it’s like “if you’re a guy, would you do this with a girl?” or “if you’re a girl, does this all sound nice?”. Something like that. Well, I’m a girl! May as well answer it.
\n
\n“While I hold your hand, I’ll play with your fingers.”<\/p>\n
What for? Leave my damn fingers alone.<\/p>\n
“I’ll tickle you & make you laugh.”<\/p>\n
No. That’ll only make me slap you.<\/p>\n
“Kiss you.”<\/p>\n
Meh.<\/p>\n
“And not only kiss you on the lips, but kiss you on the cheek and forehead too.”<\/p>\n
This thing is geared towards straight girls, right? And post-pubescent ones at that? Because now I’m confused.<\/p>\n
“Hold you by the waist.”<\/p>\n
Um… why? Are you that short? I can keep my balance on my own, thank you.<\/p>\n
“Hug you while I’m behind you and rest my head on your shoulder.”<\/p>\n
Translation: You sneak up behind me, startle me, I smack you in the face by reflex, you’re knocked nearly unconscious, and your head kind of slumps forward onto my shoulder. Now shouldn’t you know better than that?<\/p>\n
“Whisper I love you in your ear.”<\/p>\n
Don’t whisper in my ear. That shit’s annoying.<\/p>\n
“Tell you you’re beautiful.”<\/p>\n
You’re REALLY reaching for conversation, dude.<\/p>\n
“Look you in the eyes and smile when I’m thinking.”<\/p>\n
What the fuck are you doing, you creepy bastard? Seriously. Stop.<\/p>\n
“Tell you I never want to let you go.”<\/p>\n
Aw, crap. Now I’m held hostage. Not cool.<\/p>\n
“Come visit you while your sick.”<\/p>\n
No, you’ll be all like “get some rest and eat lots of soup” and other generic stuff. I get well on my own.<\/p>\n
And now I’ve got that “Cold Hard Bitch” song stuck in my head.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So I came across this cutesy crap in my MySpace bulletin list today. Figured it was worth a mention over here. Basically, it’s like “if you’re a guy, would you do this with a girl?” or “if you’re a girl, does this all sound nice?”. Something like that. Well, I’m a girl! May as well … Continue reading “Yeah, I’m a Bitch”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24,25],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-76","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-estrogen","category-teh-interwebs"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=76"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=76"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=76"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=76"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}