I am currently away from the computer.<\/b><\/p>\n
Really? No shit. Imagine that something called an Away Message tells you that, hey, you’re not there! It’s like phone messages that say “I couldn’t answer the phone.” Well, thank you. I had no idea. Idiot.
\n
\nPeople, put something more interesting in your Away Messages. Just delete that default “I am currently away from the computer.” bullshit. It’s stupid. And if you don’t delete it, at least don’t use it. Write your own fucking message. Why aren’t you answering IMs? Give a better answer. Here’s some ideas.<\/p>\n
Can’t talk. Eating.<\/p>\n
I’m dirty, so I’m in the shower.<\/p>\n
I’m at work.<\/p>\n
I ate some bad egg salad. I’ll be in and out of the bathroom for the rest of the day.<\/p>\n
I’m sleeping, go away.<\/p>\n
I don’t feel like answering your nonsense right now. Leave me the hell alone.<\/p>\n
I’m in a bad mood, shut up.<\/p>\n
If this isn’t important, fuck off.<\/p>\n
If you aren’t Alex, Ken, or Chris, eat shit.<\/p>\n
Oh, God, not you again.<\/p>\n
What the hell are you IMing me for? Don’t you see the little yellow notepad icon by my screen name? I’m not here, dumbass!<\/b><\/p>\n
Any variant of those gems will do. Be creative! Even some random song lyric, funny quote, or something along those lines is fine. Don’t bore me with anything pre-packaged by fucking America Online. Yeah, we’re using their product, but doesn’t mean you’ve got to use their default shit. Damn.<\/p>\n
And don’t use anything that includes the screen name of whoever happens to be reading the message. Those are stupid, too.<\/p>\n
In fact, for your pleasure, here are all of my current saved Away Messages. Enjoy!<\/p>\n
I don’t want the world. I just want your half.<\/b> (from the They Might Be Giants song “Ana Ng”)<\/p>\n
Katrina’s not here, man.<\/b><\/p>\n
If you don’t repay money you owe, a dinosaur squishes your head.
\n-Roy Rooster<\/b> (from “Garfield and Friends”)<\/p>\n
I am everything you want
\nI am everything you need
\nI am everything inside of you
\nThat you wish you could be
\nI say all the right things
\nAt exactly the right times
\nBut I mean nothing to you
\nAnd I don’t know why.<\/b> (“Everything You Want” by Vertical Horizon)<\/p>\n
It took a day to build the city
\nI walk through its streets in the afternoon.
\nAs I return across the fields I’ve known
\nI recognize the walls that I once made
\nHad to stop in my tracks for fear
\nOf walking on the mines I laid<\/p>\n
And if I build this Fortress
\nAround your heart
\nEncircled you in trenches and barbed wire
\nThen let me build a bridge
\nFor I cannot fill the chasm
\nLet me set the battlements on fire.<\/b> (from “Fortress Around Your Heart” by Sting) \ud83d\ude0e<\/p>\n
I’m not in the best mood right now. Might not want to message me lest I bite your fucking head off, you piece of shit! Oh, dear. Seems I did already.<\/b><\/p>\n