{"id":1273,"date":"2014-12-18T23:37:57","date_gmt":"2014-12-19T04:37:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/?p=1273"},"modified":"2018-01-07T18:57:22","modified_gmt":"2018-01-07T23:57:22","slug":"hurry-down","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/2014\/12\/18\/hurry-down","title":{"rendered":"Hurry Down"},"content":{"rendered":"

What’s that sound? Is that Eartha Kitt?<\/p>\n

Oh no. Aww, man, I hate this song! <\/p>\n

…<\/p>\n

Santa Baby, slip a sable under the tree for me.
\nI’ve been an awful good girl.<\/i><\/p>\n

Fur is murder, you know. How good can you be?<\/p>\n

Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.<\/i><\/p>\n

He’s got a lot of other houses to visit. Settle down.<\/p>\n

Santa Baby, a ’54 convertible too, light blue
\nI’ll wait up for you dear.<\/i><\/p>\n

I think you’re supposed to be asleep when he visits- ohhhh…<\/p>\n

Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.<\/i><\/p>\n

You just requested a specific car. Give him a minute!<\/p>\n

Think of all the fun I missed<\/i><\/p>\n

What fun? Did you not go on a roller coaster you wanted to ride?<\/p>\n

Think of all the fellas that I haven’t kissed.<\/i><\/p>\n

Whoa! Why would Santa have any problem with you kissing someone? Are you… saving yourself for Santa? <\/p>\n

Next year I’ll be just as good
\nIf you’ll check off my Christmas list.<\/i><\/p>\n

Wait, seriously, how does having fun or kissing a guy make you not good? That’s not right.<\/p>\n

Santa Baby, I want a yacht and really that’s not a lot<\/i><\/p>\n

You’re getting an inflatable raft and you’re going to like it! <\/p>\n

I’ve been an angel all year.<\/i><\/p>\n

Somehow I think we have different definitions of “angel”.<\/p>\n

Santa Baby, hurry down the chimney tonight.<\/i><\/p>\n

There are children who might not get a Christmas meal, but yeah, he should rush right out and get you a goddamn boat.<\/p>\n

Santa Honey, one thing I really do need… the deed<\/i><\/p>\n

A deed? To what? A mansion? A fancy car? A fancy resort?<\/p>\n

To a platinum mine.<\/i><\/p>\n

Wha… what? Huh? What?<\/p>\n

Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.<\/i><\/p>\n

He’ll get to you when he gets to you. Go take a cold shower.<\/p>\n

Santa Cutie, fill my stocking with a duplex and checks<\/i><\/p>\n

Wait, a duplex? As in one of them townhouses with one other house attached? Rather than, say, a mansion. And even so, it needs to be inside the stocking. With checks. What, too good for tens and twenties?<\/p>\n

Sign your X on the line<\/i><\/p>\n

What makes you think Santa is illiterate?<\/p>\n

Santa Baby, hurry down the chimney tonight.<\/i><\/p>\n

Yes, yes, hurry and supply a mediocre house and an unspecified amount of money.<\/p>\n

Come and trim my Christmas tree
\nWith some decorations bought at Tiffany’s<\/i><\/p>\n

Pick up some breakfast while you’re at it.<\/p>\n

I really do believe in you
\nLet’s see if you believe in me.<\/i><\/p>\n

Giggity?<\/p>\n

Santa Baby, forgot to mention one little thing<\/i><\/p>\n

Uh oh.<\/p>\n

A ring<\/i><\/p>\n

Wait…<\/p>\n

I don’t mean on the phone!<\/i><\/p>\n

I… didn’t think you meant that at all. Are you supposed to be Mrs. Claus then? *facepalm*<\/p>\n

Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight!<\/i><\/p>\n

Yeah… he’ll get right on that…<\/p>\n

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What’s that sound? Is that Eartha Kitt? Oh no. Aww, man, I hate this song! … Santa Baby, slip a sable under the tree for me. I’ve been an awful good girl. Fur is murder, you know. How good can you be? Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight. He’s got a lot of … Continue reading “Hurry Down”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[21,26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1273","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-christmas-time","category-musical-musing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1273","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1273"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1273\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1795,"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1273\/revisions\/1795"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1273"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1273"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.eightminefortress.com\/surewhynot\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1273"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}