This Is Why I Hate Tea

May 23, 2006

That’s right, folks! Another herbal, piping hot session of…


Tea. That’s what sucks. Every once in a while, however, I tend to totally forget how much it sucks. Then I might make myself a cup, only to soon enough realize “Why the hell am I drinking this shit?” You know the trouble with tea? It tricks you. Just today at work, where we have this cool machine that you put these tiny packets into to make coffee and tea, I saw a little packet of Chai. I had never had Chai tea before, and people say how great it is, so I figured I’d give it a chance. After the machine did its thing, I took my cup back to my desk and waited a bit for it to cool down enough to drink, and I took a sip.
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Or, as I call it, Exploitation Theatre

March 25, 2006

And now, yet another intrusive, chuckles-at-others’-expense round of…


I grant this to the abomination that has plagued television screens for a long time now, and seeing as television screens bear a lot of abominations as it is, this is saying something. This one in particular bears an ironic name. It is called… America’s Funniest Videos.
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Mmmm, Candy Hearts

February 14, 2006

And now, for a loving and saintly edition of…


What sucks, on this St. Valentine’s Day? The holiday itself? Nah. Frankly, I think it’s cool we pay attention to at least a handful of saints’ feast days. So what’s my beef now? What sucks? Simple. What sucks are relationships themselves.
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Simpsons Nouveaux

January 8, 2006

And now, for a cruel yet crunchily satisfying bout of…


So, looking at the title of this post, what do you think I’m giving this YOU SUCK message to now? Recent Simpsons episodes? Am I going to piss and moan that tonight’s episode got little more than a chuckle out of me and that I wish the show was more like it was in its 5th season? WRONG!!! That’s wrong, dumbass. In fact, the ones receiving this special YOU SUCK award are the very people who do bitch about newer Simpsons episodes constantly. So, all of you, please, shut the hell up!
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Tiny Blogs

January 1, 2006

Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s time for a special Sure, Why Not? session of….


Today’s recipient of this message of suckiness are people who have, create, or are somehow or another involved in those tiny blogs you see sometimes. Blogs in general have a wide, vast range of stupid shit worth bitching about, and I kind of hate to kick off the Fortress’s YOU SUCK sessions with something so common, but I don’t really care right now. Anyway, on with it.
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