The Amazing Ash

December 6, 2010

It was four years ago today I lauded my legendary red eye tetra Cedric and his tankmates for their survival despite my astoundingly poor job of taking care of them and the aquarium.

Cedric, as you know, lived in my tank for an astounding four years and seven months, right up until about 23 months ago he swam off to fishy heaven. Nonetheless, his spirit lives on, that spectacular little fish who hung on to an admittedly boring life inside a little five-gallon aquarium, for such a long time. None of my other fish have done that!

Or, actually…

My serpae tetra Ash is about to beat that record! Cedric lived in my tank for 4 years and 214 days, the exact same amount of time it has been since my sister brought me Ash on my birthday in 2006, along with other serpae tetras Quigley and Templeton, plus sunset molly Pyro. Pyro died only a couple months later. Lost Quigley sometime last year. Last February, when the big ass Superbowl weekend blizzard knocked out our electricity for 30 hours, this meant my house went that long without heat, and as such the fish tank got really cold, killing my algae eater Stripe, and nearly killing Ash and Templeton, though once the heat was back on, they were fine again after a bit. Except Templeton died a few weeks later. Ash was all alone until May when I got another algae eater, Aurelius. So now it’s just the two of them.

Congrats, Ash! For your resilience under the care of someone like me, who should probably never ever be in charge of any living thing.

Wolf Alarm

December 30, 2009

We’ve all heard the story “The Boy Who Cried Wolf”. Which is why it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense that I’m about to recite it.

Boy is left to watch over some sheep or villagers or whatever, to alert them if a hungry wolf comes by intending to eat them all up. Well, being a smartass, he cries “Wolf!” one night just to troll the villagers, and they figure how he’s screwing with them and kick his ass. The next night, he’s patrolling once more, and again trolls the villagers by screaming that there is a wolf coming, only for them to find no wolf and get pissed again. On the third night, because it’s always the third time in any of these stories that the interesting thing happens, he is out patrolling again and he actually does see a wolf. Oh shit! So he cries “Wolf!” to the villagers, who tell him to STFU and that they’re not falling for it again. So the wolf eats the boy and all the villagers. The end.

The moral of the story? Well, there are two. No, neither is the one you’ve always been taught is the moral. In the two possible real morals to this story, those villagers are fucking stupid.

First moral: If you cannot trust your alarm system, get a different one. Otherwise, if you’re going to ignore it anyway, what good is it? So the idiot villagers should have sent someone else to watch for the wolf.

Second moral: Even a liar sometimes tells the truth!

As demonstrated so nicely in the US Acres segment “The Wolf Who Cried Boy”. 🙂

Buon Natale

December 25, 2009

Mmmm, Christmas.

Two days ago, boss was awesome and told us to go home for Christmas at around noon, even though we were supposed to work yesterday too. Yay, extra long weekend!

Yesterday, wrapped all my presents, made some cookies, finished and posted my newest Christmas NYRA Tale, went to my mom’s Greek friend’s big ass party again, and was half an hour late for the late night Christmas Eve church service. Not sure if that’s a win or a fail. Stupid family made me late and I missed O Come All Ye Faithful. I only even go for the music, dang it! :doitnow:

And during Silent Night, waving my candle around like a lighter at a concert, while wearing my Santa hat during the service.

And this morning got to family at around 10am and shortly after started opening presents.

Then at 11am I had to leave for a bit… to go to work. -_-

Just for a minute. It may be Christmas Day, but it’s also still Friday, and the freezer’s temperature chart still needs to be changed. I got there, repeatedly said “Fuck you!” to it while changing it out, writing the time, date, and initials on it, a nice “11:17am, 12-25-09” that I’ll totally show my coworkers on Monday and totally get yelled at for. Dedication.

Then back to the house to continue opening presents. And getting what looked like a bottle of booze that was actually olive oil. 🙂

Then food.

Then more food.

Plus watching my little brother make his trains collide, in a god-like lust for transportation disaster. Incidentally, it seems the Pennsylvania Flyer kicks the Polar Express’s ass.

Now I’m sitting here next to him as he’s watching various train videos on YouTube.

Plus we’ve been having a Christmas Day Chat among NYRAnians which has been quite nice.

In this, our pseudo-White Christmas. Where the leftover snow from last weekend is getting killed fast from rain and rising temperatures. Christmas is supposed to bring snow, not kill it! :doitnow:

I love this day. 😀

Doctors and Lawyers

December 15, 2009

If you’re a doctor or a lawyer, congrats, because you’re the right type of person and are automatically a professional success.

I guess.

If you’re one of those two, congrats, because your family and friends will actually be proud of you and boast about you.

You’re a doctor or a lawyer, so that means you’re rich! ZOMG!

That’s why it’s so sad when kids die. Had they lived and grown up they could have become doctors or lawyers.

That’s why it’s so sad when kids fall into drug use and screw up their schooling. If they had stayed clean, they could have become doctors or lawyers.

That’s why no one is nearly as worried about adult drug use, because they’re already too old to become doctors or lawyers apparently. Unless they are already.

I mean, why else would you go to college? Why else would you major in biology or political science? What, are you just going to be some loser who works in a cubicle? Please. Unless your college years led to medical or law school, they were a waste of time and money.

That’s why you’re horrified to find yourself in a mediocre office job at age 45. You aren’t a doctor or a lawyer, so your life has never been successful.

If your mother thought you’d be anything but a doctor or a lawyer, she would have aborted you even if she were a staunch pro-lifer.

Failing scores on the MCAT and LSAT are a leading cause of suicide.

When you tell your second grade teacher what you want to be when you grow up, and your answer is anything other than doctor or lawyer, don’t be surprised when she and all your subsequent teachers seem to stop noticing you exist, while the kid sitting next to you wanting to take over his father’s law firm is the star pupil, and the teacher always grins sweetly at the girl across the room who dreams of working magic in the operating room.

Look at all those kids on the honor roll, especially the ones with asterisks next to their names, denoting their straight A’s. If anything other than medicine or law is on their horizon, oh what a tragic waste of talent!

If you’re a girl, well, that’s okay if you didn’t manage to be a doctor or a lawyer, so long as you marry one. Wait, you mean you didn’t marry a doctor or a lawyer? You aren’t going to get married at all? GASP! Failure!

We must help ghetto kids get an education, so they can grow up to be doctors or lawyers. The ones who don’t can stay there and rot.

We must never forget the disastrous attacks of September 11, 2001. After all, many doctors and lawyers perished.

Red Eyes Are Shut

January 6, 2009

Normally, this is where I’d mention that today is Epiphany, the last day of the 2008 Christmas season, and all that jazz, but there’s something else that bears a mention.

Because, sometime yesterday, my little red eye tetra friend Cedric, after four years and seven months, finally swam off to fishy heaven. 🙁

Weird to think of how long it’s been. I got him only just over a year after I graduated from college. I had only just recently gotten into NYRA, and it was two months before I became a paid member and joined the forums. When I got him, I hadn’t even worked yet. Through all the NYRA stuff and all the various jobs I’ve had and other little adventures, Cedric was always right there in the tank, swimming around, his bright red eyes searching for whatever.
Continue reading “Red Eyes Are Shut”

Elusive 2009

January 1, 2009

So that psychopathic monster known as 2008 has finally come to an end. But… what shall 2009 be?

Win? Fail? Lulz? I think lulz.

Anyway, did you make a resolution? No? Good, resolutions are for losers. And how can you make one? This brand new year is a total mystery. We don’t know what’s going to happen. I mean, things should remain pretty much the same, but other shit happens. Goes beyond the win, fail, or lulz question. Right now, we’re wandering into a dark quiet forest, that may either turn out to be just a nice quiet stroll or blindly parading yourself to doom at the claws of a myriad of forest creatures.

So enjoy your hike, but, well, bring a weapon. Just in case.

Home for the Holidays

December 23, 2008

That’s another Christmas song and phenomenon that irks me. I mentioned it last year in the Fallible Family entry, but I keep hearing this song so I’m thinking of this again.

“If you want to be happy in a million ways, for the holidays, you can’t beat home sweet home!”

The whole song is basically “leave wherever you are and go home several states away!”
Continue reading “Home for the Holidays”

Same Day

December 15, 2008

So I was at work today and around 9:30am I placed an order for something my coworker needed in the lab. I go through the normal process and everything and am told they’d ship it out today for tomorrow’s delivery. I said that’s fine.

Around 1pm I see a guy come into our suite with a box from the company I just ordered from that morning. Sure enough, it was the stuff I ordered.

Whoa! Just three and a half hours after I placed the order. That blew my mind.

True, this company is only about 20 miles away from here, but still. Amazing.

The End Is Near

December 5, 2008

So just a bit ago I was at the post office to stamp and send the first batch of NYRA’s holiday cards (yay!). Needed to buy a buttload of stamps first so I went to this service machine since I couldn’t use the regular stamp vending machine since I had no cash and had to use my debit card.

Went to the machine, swiped card, ordered five books of stamps, etc. Then it was waiting to dispense the stamps. Then it had a message on the screen.

“I’m dispensing your stamps. Please wait.”

I don’t like the sound of that “I’m”. Do you know what this means? We have machines in our post offices that are self-aware.

Where shall it go from here? :scared:

Turkey Sandwich

November 26, 2008

And by turkey sandwich I mean Thanksgiving and the days before and after it. Today is the first of the three of course, the so-called “busiest travel day of the year”. When losers all over are rushing around trying to travel long distances to get to their families so they can eat some turkey. I mean, you can make this exact meal at any time of the year, with or without the family, but whatever.

But, you know, it’s the gateway into proper Christmas time, despite all the stores having had their decorations up since the moment Halloween ended.

Still it’s fun to mock the travelers. I’ve never really been one of them since my family has always been close by. Only out of town Thanksgiving I had was in 1999 when we were with my other grandmother in Orlando, FL. But we traveled there a good while before the busy travel day (or just the day before, I forget).

But for most other people, why bother? It’s not like Christmas, which is a much bigger deal and involves a fuckton of presents and often longer time off from school and work. Stay home and make your own turkey and other crap.

And don’t go waking up at 3am the next morning to go shopping. The stores will still be open plenty between now and Christmas. Stop being stupid. I know I blasted you all last year for this but it bears repeating.

Mmmm… sandwich.