Category: Random Crap

We’ve all heard the story “The Boy Who Cried Wolf”. Which is why it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense that I’m about to recite it.

Boy is left to watch over some sheep or villagers or whatever, to alert them if a hungry wolf comes by intending to eat them all up. Well, being a smartass, he cries “Wolf!” one night just to troll the villagers, and they figure how he’s screwing with them and kick his ass. The next night, he’s patrolling once more, and again trolls the villagers by screaming that there is a wolf coming, only for them to find no wolf and get pissed again. On the third night, because it’s always the third time in any of these stories that the interesting thing happens, he is out patrolling again and he actually does see a wolf. Oh shit! So he cries “Wolf!” to the villagers, who tell him to STFU and that they’re not falling for it again. So the wolf eats the boy and all the villagers. The end.

The moral of the story? Well, there are two. No, neither is the one you’ve always been taught is the moral. In the two possible real morals to this story, those villagers are fucking stupid.

First moral: If you cannot trust your alarm system, get a different one. Otherwise, if you’re going to ignore it anyway, what good is it? So the idiot villagers should have sent someone else to watch for the wolf.

Second moral: Even a liar sometimes tells the truth!

As demonstrated so nicely in the US Acres segment “The Wolf Who Cried Boy”. 🙂

If you’re a doctor or a lawyer, congrats, because you’re the right type of person and are automatically a professional success.

I guess.

If you’re one of those two, congrats, because your family and friends will actually be proud of you and boast about you.

You’re a doctor or a lawyer, so that means you’re rich! ZOMG!

That’s why it’s so sad when kids die. Had they lived and grown up they could have become doctors or lawyers.

That’s why it’s so sad when kids fall into drug use and screw up their schooling. If they had stayed clean, they could have become doctors or lawyers.

That’s why no one is nearly as worried about adult drug use, because they’re already too old to become doctors or lawyers apparently. Unless they are already.

I mean, why else would you go to college? Why else would you major in biology or political science? What, are you just going to be some loser who works in a cubicle? Please. Unless your college years led to medical or law school, they were a waste of time and money.

That’s why you’re horrified to find yourself in a mediocre office job at age 45. You aren’t a doctor or a lawyer, so your life has never been successful.

If your mother thought you’d be anything but a doctor or a lawyer, she would have aborted you even if she were a staunch pro-lifer.

Failing scores on the MCAT and LSAT are a leading cause of suicide.

When you tell your second grade teacher what you want to be when you grow up, and your answer is anything other than doctor or lawyer, don’t be surprised when she and all your subsequent teachers seem to stop noticing you exist, while the kid sitting next to you wanting to take over his father’s law firm is the star pupil, and the teacher always grins sweetly at the girl across the room who dreams of working magic in the operating room.

Look at all those kids on the honor roll, especially the ones with asterisks next to their names, denoting their straight A’s. If anything other than medicine or law is on their horizon, oh what a tragic waste of talent!

If you’re a girl, well, that’s okay if you didn’t manage to be a doctor or a lawyer, so long as you marry one. Wait, you mean you didn’t marry a doctor or a lawyer? You aren’t going to get married at all? GASP! Failure!

We must help ghetto kids get an education, so they can grow up to be doctors or lawyers. The ones who don’t can stay there and rot.

We must never forget the disastrous attacks of September 11, 2001. After all, many doctors and lawyers perished.

Normally, this is where I’d mention that today is Epiphany, the last day of the 2008 Christmas season, and all that jazz, but there’s something else that bears a mention.

Because, sometime yesterday, my little red eye tetra friend Cedric, after four years and seven months, finally swam off to fishy heaven. 🙁

Weird to think of how long it’s been. I got him only just over a year after I graduated from college. I had only just recently gotten into NYRA, and it was two months before I became a paid member and joined the forums. When I got him, I hadn’t even worked yet. Through all the NYRA stuff and all the various jobs I’ve had and other little adventures, Cedric was always right there in the tank, swimming around, his bright red eyes searching for whatever.
Continue reading “Red Eyes Are Shut”

So I was at work today and around 9:30am I placed an order for something my coworker needed in the lab. I go through the normal process and everything and am told they’d ship it out today for tomorrow’s delivery. I said that’s fine.

Around 1pm I see a guy come into our suite with a box from the company I just ordered from that morning. Sure enough, it was the stuff I ordered.

Whoa! Just three and a half hours after I placed the order. That blew my mind.

True, this company is only about 20 miles away from here, but still. Amazing.

And by turkey sandwich I mean Thanksgiving and the days before and after it. Today is the first of the three of course, the so-called “busiest travel day of the year”. When losers all over are rushing around trying to travel long distances to get to their families so they can eat some turkey. I mean, you can make this exact meal at any time of the year, with or without the family, but whatever.

But, you know, it’s the gateway into proper Christmas time, despite all the stores having had their decorations up since the moment Halloween ended.

Still it’s fun to mock the travelers. I’ve never really been one of them since my family has always been close by. Only out of town Thanksgiving I had was in 1999 when we were with my other grandmother in Orlando, FL. But we traveled there a good while before the busy travel day (or just the day before, I forget).

But for most other people, why bother? It’s not like Christmas, which is a much bigger deal and involves a fuckton of presents and often longer time off from school and work. Stay home and make your own turkey and other crap.

And don’t go waking up at 3am the next morning to go shopping. The stores will still be open plenty between now and Christmas. Stop being stupid. I know I blasted you all last year for this but it bears repeating.

Mmmm… sandwich.

Since I sit at the entrance where I work, I get a lot of these idiot solicitors coming by trying to sell crap. Oh, do we want a new IT company or copier or whatever the hell else? Well, gee, I didn’t think we did but now than a random person came by trying to sell these things I’m totally on board! Jackasses.

Having enough, after getting two of them just today, I went into trusty Word and typed up a little page and went downstairs to tape it on the front door.

Voilà!

NO SOLICITORS!!!

Unless you have menus. Menus rule.

Unless you’re from that Manhattan place in Muddy Branch. You guys come by a lot. We have zillions of your menu. Maybe spread out a bit more. Or don’t print so many. Use the money to improve the food perhaps? Something to consider.

Me = win