Where’s My Monocle?

February 3, 2020

Yesterday was another Superbowl, a day about a sports championship that has ballooned into a showcase of weird ads, short midgame concerts, and admiration of owls. And a geography fail from someone we expect it from. Anyway, here’s another post full of embedded tweets.

Finished making game food but missed Puppy Bowl and they were playing something else when I came back. Hmm. Oh, well. Might as well see prelude to Man Bowl. #SuperBowl

Looks like pointless patriotic theater. Of course. #SuperBowl

Even I find it weird I’m making more of a holiday out of the #SuperBowl than I did for the World Series seeing as, one, I’ve barely watched any football this past season, and, two, my own damn team was in the World Series!

You see, celebrating notable players like that was nice and makes sense for the event. Flag worship does not. #SuperBowl

It’s #GroundhogDay . That means Jeep somehow. #SuperBowl

Aw, damn it, they’re doing the tomahawk chop for the Chiefs. (As embarrassing as the Redskins are, at least our games don’t have that, whatever that’s worth.) #SuperBowl

Take a knee! Take a knee! #StarSpangledBanner #SuperBowl

There were actually women football players, but no, it had to just be a Secret ad. #SuperBowl

Is that Lego thing for real? It doesn’t seem real. #SuperBowl

They couldn’t decide on a #Superbowl ad so they just reran Jake from State Farm with a slightly altered ending.

There goes the shutout. Field goal 49ers. #Superbowl

Charlie Day having a crisis is actually a Tide ad. #Superbowl

I’m hoping this one right after is also a Tide ad. One the Orange Thing approves of for some reason. Hmm. #Superbowl

Not sure what’s weirder. That the Patriots aren’t in this thing or that Kyle Shanahan is. #Superbowl

If Walmart is what brings aliens here, the heat death of the universe can’t come fast enough. #Superbowl

Touchdown! Chiefs. #SuperBowl

“This is a dramatization. Obviously.” #SnickersHole #Superbowl

I think this is already a higher score than last year’s final. #Superbowl

“Hi, Mountain Dew Zero, I’m Grampa!” “D’oh!” #Superbowl

Intercepted! #Superbowl

Ghost cah. #Superbowl

I actually did buy avocados earlier to make the guacamole I’m eating now. After that ad, I’m regretting this. #Superbowl

Stop with that chant. You’re not Florida State. #Superbowl

Tie game! #Superbowl

That was a weird episode of Rick and Morty. #Superbowl

Mr. Peanut is Groot. Your argument is invalid. #Superbowl

No one:
PopTarts: We make pretzels now!

Tied at 10-10 at the half! Now time for the football game to quickly turn into a concert and then quickly turn back into a football game. #Superbowl

And I’m looking at the time and knowing new episode of Doctor Who is coming on but I want to keep watching the #Superbowl and I’m grumbling about it. (This tweet brought to you by “Yes, people who care about both do exist”.)

For the zillionth time… Your ability to spell or pronounce an ingredient in something has nothing whatsoever to do with how healthy it is for you. I mean, why the hell *would* it?! #Superbowl

Now for the game to somehow resume after Shakira and JLo owned the place! #Superbowl

“We’re incredibly rich. Let’s get both.” OMG #Superbowl

Punter takes like 20 minutes to kick the damn ball. Yeesh, and they say baseball is boring. #Superbowl

Ad about NFL player safety followed by promo with Cleetus the Fox Sports robot, and all I can think is… replace the players with robots! It makes so much sense! #Superbowl

I love that we’re just under 7 minutes to go in the game, and it still could go either way. That’s how it should be. #Superbowl

Of course, I say this not having strong feelings either way about outcome, whereas 49ers and Chiefs fans are in a special kind of hell right now. I feel that. #Superbowl

“This play is under review.” 2:44 to go. Like I said, special kind of hell. #Superbowl

“Any descriptions or accounts of this game without the NFL’s consent is prohibited.” LOLOLOL #Superbowl

But, yeah, anyway, I’m a Nats fan who experienced World Series Game 7 this past October (iknorite?!), so my advice to Chiefs and 49ers fans is just… breathe through it and try not to expect anything either way. #Superbowl

Allow me to amend. My advice to Chiefs fans is to breathe through it. 49ers fans, switch to the Puppy Bowl. #Superbowl

“Calm as a cucumber.” #Superbowl