Mmmm, Candy Hearts 10

February 14, 2015

“Crazy 4 U” Aww how nice.

“Sweet pea” Isn’t that the baby from Popeye? That’s not romantic.

“Soul mate” Having a candy heart for a soul mate? Eh, could do worse.

Yup, it’s that time again, where I eat these traditional Valentine’s Day conversation hearts and mull over their messages, while musing in my traditional Valentine’s Day way about romantic relationships. Somehow I’ve managed to churn out ten of these now. What shall this tenth be about?

Ah, I know.

Ever notice in a romantic couple that the girl seems to take on this really cutesy and meek persona? Almost bordering on whiny. Okay, it’s hard to explain.

Actually, no it isn’t. It’s well known. Basically, she pretends to be weak. Common examples are she has the guy kill a spider for her or open a pickle jar. More than that, though. She talks to him with this sad little voice that seems to scream “I’m a helpless weakling” no matter what words she’s actually saying. And it annoys the hell out of me.

I’m not making this up. I’ve actually seen it as relationship advice for girls! Not to mention any number of TV shows with plotlines in which a wife ends up the primary breadwinner or is otherwise independently strong in some way, and the result is the husband can’t get it up. And the relationship advice is based on that idea, that if you as a female are not at least giving the illusion of being a faint little flower petal of a being who needs some heroic masculine manly man to justify her existence, then he will lose interest in you.

Needless to say, this is pretty damn offensive to both genders! That an independent and capable female is incompatible with romantic relationships. That a male’s entire sense of self-worth is based on being superior to a female.

And yet maybe it’s effective? I’ve seen these guys eat it up. Offensive to both genders it may be, they grew up in a society where said offensive gender expectations are commonplace, so that’s what they’re comfortable with, unfortunate though it may be.

I don’t think I could pull it off, though. Not that I have much interest in trying. The idea makes me think of in Garfield comics when he sees Nermal acting all cute and getting attention and food, so Garfield wants the same food he’s getting so he pretends to be all cute too but he fails miserably at it and comes off as creepy and unsettling. Yeah, that’d be me trying to do this cutesy meek thing. 😆

But even so I hardly see the point. Relationships have real built-in aspects of interdependence without all these showy fake nonsense. Everyone is sometimes the weak one and sometimes the strong one. It’s called being human, and being with each other through those times is called being in relationship. Isn’t that enough?

Oh, well, it’s not like these things make sense. Back to hearts.

“Be true” Yeah, better than being false. See above.

“Don’t tell” Huh. That’s kind of rapey.

“I M sure” You’re a candy heart. Your sureness is limited.

“Get real” Uh oh. Made a wrong move? Come on too strong?

“See ya” Welp, even the candy hearts get sick of your shit eventually!