The Proud Petless

December 23, 2009

Now for a boring, snooty edition of…


These people who do not have pets and seem to think that makes them better than everyone else.

“Ooh, look at me! I’m not some idiot who wastes money by having some smelly stupid dog around. I don’t have cat hair all over my clothes. Why would anyone want one of these stupid things? They’re such a pointless hassle. I’m smart and don’t waste my time and energy on some dumb animal.”

I’m not sure whether I want to smack these people upside the head or just fervently pity them. Maybe both.

Pity because having a dog and/or a cat is just so wonderful, a special kind of joy, and the little expenses and occasional dander and hair around the house is more than worth it.

In fact, these proudly petless jerks even overlook the single hardest thing about having pets: the sheer heartbreak when they die. Whether they just don’t wake up from a nap one day due to old age, or they ran out into the street, or they had some illness and you had to make the heart-wrenching decision to have them put down. If one were to make a case against having pets, that would be it, as any of us who’ve been through losing one knows that all too well and still feels the pain no matter how long it has been. Because when you have a pet, that’s the reality always lingering in the background, that someday you will lose your beloved furry companion.

But, goodness, don’t let one of these petless pricks know that you’re grieving for your beloved cat who was just euthanized because she had advanced cancer. They’ll be right there to inform you of how stupid and immature you are, that it’s just some dumb animal, and how they always worry about real, more important matters. Be sure to inform this person of the same after you’ve buried a screwdriver in their eye.