This Street Is Made for Driving

April 5, 2008

Now, for dangerous, oblivious version of…


These people who walk into the street and just seem to be completely unaware that they are, you know, in a street. They know, but they seem to think it’s just an extension of the sidewalk or something.

I especially saw this crap a lot when I was riding the bus. People would just walk out into traffic and act like the cars screeching to a halt to keep from cutting short their stupid lives aren’t really there. They wouldn’t walk a little faster to get across before the light changes or more cars come. They’d stroll along as if they were walking the mall or something.

Move your asses, you stupid jerkoffs! There’s lots of these 1-ton machines on wheels zooming around, and it’s not exactly a good idea just to amble along in front of them as if you were picking goddamn flowers.

Whenever I have to walk around streets or parking lots, I keep one little pedestrian philosophy: Pretend the drivers can’t see you. Because, you know, sometimes they can’t. Might be dark. They might not be paying attention. Lots of reasons. In any case, when crossing the street, I always run. Even if there’s a walk light on and it will be on for a while, still not wise to dally in the middle of the street. When walking through a parking lot, I stay to the side. Sadly, I seem to be the only one with enough brains to remember this simple rule.

Happened a few times earlier today. I was at a mall driving through the parking lot on my way out, and there’s this family just walking down the little street between the parking spaces, right in the middle, as if it’s just a very wide path. I’m behind them, inching at like half a mile an hour, while they take their sweet time. When the little street corridor ends and there’s the cross street, they just make a right turn and keep strolling carelessly down the MIDDLE of that little street. Now don’t come crying to me when your children get run over someday because their idiot parents always walked in the middle of the street without looking or anything, and they thought doing so was safe.

Later I was at a shopping center with a grocery store, and sure enough there’s people leaving the store and pushing their carts or walking their bags in the MIDDLE of the parking lot street. They weren’t in the middle of crossing or anything. Just walking down the middle like they owned the place. And if a car is coming up behind them, they don’t move out of the way or anything; they ignore it.

And it’s not just parking lots. You get morons trying to cross a busy street in the middle of the night. On Rockville Pike one time, after dark, there were a bunch of people running across it. I only even saw them when they silhouetted against the light of the stores behind them. And they were about, oh, twenty feet from a damn crosswalk! I mean, not that I haven’t done that myself, but there’s one important difference… DON’T DO IT WHEN THERE ARE CARS COMING, JACKHOLE!

Do you like idea of a ton of steel slamming into you at 30mph? No? Then get off the goddamn street! I don’t want to have to deal with my car getting messed up because of having to peel your incapacitated self off the hood just because it would be too much of an inconvenience for you to look both ways before crossing. I don’t want to have to live the rest of my life with having caused the injury or death of someone with my car, regardless of whose “fault” it is according to insurance companies, just because you were too fucking mindless to get across the street a little faster and recognize that a busy street isn’t the best place to go sightseeing.

You don’t seem to be frail old lady in a walker who can’t move very fast anyway. In their case, I’d understand. You seem fairly young and mobile, so, you know, move your dumb ass, fuckwad!