Underage Drinking

August 26, 2007

I was on my way back from upstate New York earlier today and was riding through Harrisburg, PA. There I saw a big ass billboard. I was eating my lunch at the time, but seeing this made me lose my appetite quickly.

Report Underage Drinking!

What?! Oh, yeah, I’m just going to rush right out and get some innocent 19 and 20-year-olds in trouble with the law because I feel like being a self-righteous cretin and utilizing a law created because a bunch of irrational mothers in the 1980’s sobbed in front of Congress enough about their dead children so now everyone 18-20, legal adults mind you, would be considered criminals for partaking in an activity that would be perfectly okay if they were only a couple years older.
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Dental Hygiene

August 21, 2007

I had a thought. You know how in like elementary school, the kids are taught about good dental hygiene? Brush and floss twice a day like good little boys and girls, or else some cavity monsters will eat your teeth, and you’ll have no teeth anymore. And remember to go see your happy little dentist twice a year!

Eh, interesting curriculum. I have a better idea. Try this.

Kids, brush and floss regularly. Why? Because toothpaste and floss are relatively cheap. And if you don’t, you will get cavities and gingivitis, which requires special and very expensive dental checkups. Your parents may or may not have dental coverage on their health plan, if they even have a health plan at all. So when you’re in excruciating pain from cavities and you need to have the dentist fill it or yank the tooth, which will be more physical hardship for you, mommy and daddy will have to shell out thousands of dollars to even have it done, which will result in them going into serious debt, you will get nothing for Christmas or your birthday for the next five years, they won’t be able to make the mortgage or rent payments, so you’ll all have to move in with grandma and live in the same cramped room. Or even if you don’t need any serious dental work now, the bad dental habits now will cause lots of problems later when you’re an adult, and your mouth is in agonizing pain and you need a root canal, but you have no dental coverage and you can’t afford the procedure, so you’ll either go without it and be in misery for a long time while your teeth deteriorate more, making you need an even more expensive procedure, or you have it done immediately, but even then the cost is too much, making you unable to afford food or gasoline for the next year. You’ll then have to move back in with your parents, only to have them ride your ass for having not listened to them when you were a kid about proper dental hygiene.

So, yeah, clean your fucking teeth, kids!

This has been Day 90 of the 100 Days of Summer, Round 7.

Over Three Thousand Miles

August 16, 2007

And now, for an automotive, shiny blue Korean version of…

Here’s To You!!!

So I raise my glass and say, “Here’s to you, my wonderful awesome car!”

*looks back through entries*

Oh, goodness, what an oversight on my part! I’ve gone six months without ever once mentioning on here that an amazing thing has happened. I have a car! Seems weird saying now as if that’s new. I got it back on February 26. Been nearly six months. Oh, what an insane day that was, too. Surprising I never wrote about it here.
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New Scanner

August 9, 2007

So I was at work today and needed to scan like two hundred pages of some annoying document. Looking like an all-day job. Would have to scan each page individually.

So I went to the copier, with its paper feeder thing on top of it, and smacked it and said “You’re a scanner now, bitch!”

It replied, “Yes, ma’am! I am a scanner!”

So I used it to scan all those pages.


This has been Day 78 of the 100 Days of Summer, Round 7.


August 4, 2007

Ugh. I do not feel good. Oh, well, better try to rebuild.

*looks around*

Okay, here’s the vena cava. Good. Now where’s the aorta? Ah, here it is!

*looks around some more*

Ooh, there’s the left ventricle. Eww, it’s dusty. *cleans it off* There. Right ventricle? Hmmm, where could it be?

*looks around*

Oh, good. It’s right here.

*looks around more, slowly finds rest of missing pieces*

That all of them? Sweet.

*puts pieces together with some CardioTapeTM*

There! Good as new!

*puts it back where it belongs*

And you wonder why I never let you out? That was totally not even close to worth it. Shame on you. Now stay put.

This has been Day 73 of the 100 Days of Summer, Round 7.