iPod for the Lose

And now, for a handheld musical edition of…

YOU SUCK!!!

I think it’s obvious at this point. iPods suck. Granted, I don’t have one. I’ve never really used one. I’m sure they work just fine. So what am I bitching about if I don’t even have one? Simple. It’s the hype around them and the idea that they’re somehow so special that it seems everything needs to be about them.

Almost a year ago, I purchased a Creative Zen, and to my expected disappointment, it does not enable me to cast spells. However, it is a very nice little music player, which is the reason I bought it since, as a Muggle, I don’t expect to be able to do any magic. Glad to not have to worry with listening to a walkman, having to change batteries and tapes and rewind and all that crap. Sweet. And it’s tiny and has a little beige pouch and can listen to it without anyone around me even knowing I’m listening to a music player. I put the earphones in my ears. Uncomfortable. So I just wrap the earphone cord around the player, turn the volume way up, and listen to it as if talking on a cell phone. I keep it in the beige pouch, and just let others wonder why I’m holding a mysterious beige pouch near my face. Hehehe.

Anyway, back to the iPods. They suck. For one, they are nothing special. They’re just among the many brands of digital music players out there. The other players do all the same things iPod can do and then some. They just got to be the most popular ones and are pretty much the household name for the music players now. Oh, but they have available four million completely useless accessories? Snooze.

Also, they are overpriced. I got my eight gigabyte Zen for the same price as I would have paid had I wanted a four gigabyte iPod. Yeah.

Then there’s compatibility. iPod thinks they’re so great that, hey, they don’t think they need to be compatible with anything. All the other players work fine with any media file out there and any generic audio device out there. iPod? No, no, no. They can’t be *gasp* normal and simple. They need to build their players so they only work with like three file types, plus a couple they totally made up, and must design their hardware so that no generic cords or speakers or adapters will fit them. Nope. Got to get the Made for iPod types and pay out the ass.

Ah, and here’s where that gets tricky! Because everybody loves iPod, the stores will only carry accessories for iPod! Leaving the impression to the naïve that finding accessories for other players is impossible, or that they don’t even exist.

Why, just today I nearly fell into that trap. I was in Best Buy in search of a cord to hook up my Zen to a car stereo auxiliary jack. Sure enough, my first stop was the music player section, where there was a sea of junk to go along with iPods and not a damn thing for any other players. Hmmm. Bastards.

Then something occurred to me. I wandered away from that disappointing section and over to the car stereo spot. There I found a rack of cords for connecting auxiliary audio devices to car stereos. It was only five bucks, as opposed to the like forty dollar connectors for iPods. Lo and behold, I bought it and got out to the car and put it in the jack and the Zen, and it worked! Pwned!

So other music players live in the real world and cooperate with what we all know and love. iPods try to create their own overpriced world and want us all to empty our pockets and follow. Sad thing is, although not unexpected given what society is like, people do it.

And why anyone would waste their money on an iPod Shuffle is beyond me!