Sure, Why Not?

Now, for a cultureless culinary edition of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

So I was glancing through some menus of local restaurants earlier today while I was at work, making myself hungry. Italian. Tex-Mex. Asian fusion. Good stuff. But there was one common little problem each of these menus had, a common little problem very common to menus.

It was, of course, the kids’ menu.
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Now for a teasing, fruity version of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

Something I can say for sure that has irked me for pretty much my entire life are Trix cereal commercials. You know, you’ve got a bunch of kids enjoying Trix and the rabbit wants some, but he is denied time after time because of the classic retch-inducing line: “Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!”

So ever since I was a tiny little kid and on through to today, on the rare occasion I still watch anything early enough in the day for a Trix ad to come on, I’ve watched that poor animated rabbit suffer the jeers and taunts of the animated people refusing him a cereal he has desperately wanted. He’s had to resort to outright stealing to entering contests on the quick to disguises to whatever else, all of which could be avoided if the kids would learn to fucking share. I mean, it’s kids these ads are aimed for. But what does it teach them? Entitlement based on superficial factors. Bigotry. Selfishness. Arrogance.
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Now, for dangerous, oblivious version of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

These people who walk into the street and just seem to be completely unaware that they are, you know, in a street. They know, but they seem to think it’s just an extension of the sidewalk or something.
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And now, for a cosmetic, beautifying edition of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

We’ve all seen it. In The Breakfast Club, it was the Ally Sheedy character being remedied by Molly Ringwald. Countless Disney movies have done essentially the same. It’s the desperate need in more movies than I care to count, for fear of vomiting, to make the plain girl a pretty girl, for that is the only way she can be happy or desirable.
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And now, for a matrimonial session of…

YOU SUCK!!!

I hate weddings. They’re so stupid and ridiculously expensive. You’ve got these gay ass little traditions that everyone expects you to follow, and every little thing costs a lot of money. I mean, you could side step much of the expensive, but, goodness, the bride and groom couldn’t be expected to do that! Not on the happiest day of their lives!
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Now for an exquisite, tableclothed edition of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

Yeah, it’s right there in the title. Interrupting waiters. We all know it’s annoying when you go to a restaurant, and the waiter seems to disappear for a while and you’re hungry and want to order. Well, the opposite is also really irritating. Waiters who don’t leave you the hell alone!
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And now, for a godless, faithless version of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

I’m surprised I haven’t said more about this yet. Well, here it is. I’ve said my bit about far right religious whackos, but it’s time to blast the other end of the spectrum. I’m talking, of course, about militant atheists.

Yeah, I’m a Christian, and I catch a lot of shit for it now and then. What people fail to realize is that not all Christians are alike. Far from it! Therefore, much of what I believe does not adhere to what Christians stereotypically all believe. What they also fail to realize is that I don’t try to push my beliefs on people (granted, I used to, but stopped). I consider myself a Christian and may discuss briefly what some of my beliefs are, but I really don’t give a crap what your religion is.
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And now, for an overhyped, scandalous edition of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

This time? It’s these people who actually follow celebrity news. People who actually care what’s going on in celebrity lives. They read every magazine about the sordid affairs, watch every gossip show, and chat about it with their vacuous friends as if Angelina Jolie looking pregnant had any relevance to the world.
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And now, for a handheld musical edition of…

YOU SUCK!!!

I think it’s obvious at this point. iPods suck. Granted, I don’t have one. I’ve never really used one. I’m sure they work just fine. So what am I bitching about if I don’t even have one? Simple. It’s the hype around them and the idea that they’re somehow so special that it seems everything needs to be about them.
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And now, for a furious, data-loss induced edition of…

YOU SUCK!

I refer to web host, UN Site Solutions. They don’t host this site, but they host NYRA. You know, it’s always a damn problem with them! We keep having major server issues, lots and lots of downtime, and occasional lost data. Then today I get on to find we lost EVERYTHING since January 8!

They don’t back things up as often as they should. This is not acceptable! We lost important e-mails. Important message board posts. Important member information. Everything!

Not to mention they are really fussy about CPU usage crap that other hosts don’t care about. It’s irritating as all hell.

Plus, lately we’ve been having a problem of threads disappearing on the NYRA forums. No idea why. None of our tech staff knows why. UNSS certainly doesn’t know why. Despicable.

And they tend to lock IPs out of being able to access their hosted sites, for no reason.

Just sick of it. We pay them ridiculous amounts of money to host us, and they do this crap all the time. Sad thing is, they’re still better than the host we had before.

And now, for an annual, champagne-soaked edition of…

YOU SUCK!

So today is New Year’s Eve. It is the night people around the world watch the clock and when it strikes midnight, they cheer, get drunk, and try to sing Auld Lang Syne. Well, except for some people. People who irritate me to no end. So who sucks today? People who don’t stay up until midnight tonight.

And they get all cocky about it. “Oh, I didn’t want to do that. I was tired. I don’t need to do that. I’m better than you.” Whatever, loser.

So stay up tonight and watch the clock strike twelve. I command you!

On another note, I did it! I have made an entry every day of December now, as I promised. Thank God for Christmas. It has lots of stuff worth an entry. If I were trying to do this in like September or something, it would be much harder. Now I’m worried I won’t have much to rant about next December. Shouldn’t worry, though. There’s always something.

Oh, and go, Detroit Lions, for humiliating the Dallas Cowboys at home today.

Now for a caffeinated, customer service lacking edition of…

YOU SUCK!

Office Depot. They seriously suck.

So, at work, we’ve got this little single serve coffee machine with a bunch of little cups of coffee and tea that go into it. This one company supplied it for us, and, honestly, their service sucked ass. As does the coffee itself, but it’s all we’ve got. They got orders wrong. Orders got delayed. Major mess.

So then they get bought out by Office Depot.

And, if you can believe it, they are even WORSE!
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And now, for a festive, non-denominational session of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

People who are afraid to say the word “Christmas”. As if the political correctness gods will smite them if they do. That’s not all. On the other end of the spectrum are the asshats who throw a fit if you say anything other than Christmas.
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And now, for a musically stifling session of…

YOU SUCK!

Here’s yet another pack of society’s dregs. People who, for whatever dumbass reason, will strictly limit themselves to liking or even listening to a specific kind of music. There’s a bunch of these for every imaginable genre. They only listen to Baroque period classical. Maybe they refuse to listen to anything other than Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby. For some, if it was made before 1997, it sucked. There are others who will only listen to The Doors, Jimi Hendrix, and Eric Clapton. Perhaps some denounce anything that isn’t 1980’s techno.

Whatever. You get the point (if your IQ is at least in the double digits, which is doubtful).
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And now, for a double spacing, format-copying edition of…

YOU SUCK!

Wysiwyg editors. You know, I can’t believe a word, even if just an acronym, with two W’s and two Y’s and fun as hell to say could stand for something so lame. What You See Is What You Get! Well, you know what? Maybe I don’t like what I see. I’d like to format it myself. I don’t care if you think I’m making it harder on myself. I find it easier. Grant me that.

Uh oh. Not always an option.
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And now, for a high and mighty, hawkish session of…

YOU SUCK!

You know what I’m sick of? Conservative bloggers. Liberal bloggers suck, too, but I feel like boring into the right wingers for the moment. Aw, hell, all bloggers suck for that matter. But beside the point.

Every once in a while I surf through some blogrolls to see what other random jerks with internet connections are saying. Conservative bloggers are a special breed, I must say. A hell of a lot of them, but special nonetheless. They have a lot of basic characteristics.
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And now, a depressed, psychologically malfunctioning, self-destructive session of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

That’s right. People who commit suicide. Seriously, what the fuck is up with these people? I mean, I can sort of understand if they had just done something horrible like murdered their own children or something. And perhaps if they’re totally crippled and in physical pain all the time. Maybe. But other than that, there is just no fucking reason for it.
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That’s right, folks! Another herbal, piping hot session of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

Tea. That’s what sucks. Every once in a while, however, I tend to totally forget how much it sucks. Then I might make myself a cup, only to soon enough realize “Why the hell am I drinking this shit?” You know the trouble with tea? It tricks you. Just today at work, where we have this cool machine that you put these tiny packets into to make coffee and tea, I saw a little packet of Chai. I had never had Chai tea before, and people say how great it is, so I figured I’d give it a chance. After the machine did its thing, I took my cup back to my desk and waited a bit for it to cool down enough to drink, and I took a sip.
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And now, yet another intrusive, retarded-chuckles-at-others’-expense round of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

I grant this to the abomination that has plagued television screens for a long time now, and seeing as television screens bear a lot of abominations as it is, this is saying something. This one in particular bears an ironic name. It is called… America’s Funniest Videos.
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And now, for a loving and saintly edition of…

YOU SUCK!

What sucks, on this St. Valentine’s Day? The holiday itself? Nah. Frankly, I think it’s cool we pay attention to at least a handful of saints’ feast days. So what’s my beef now? What sucks? Simple. What sucks are relationships themselves.
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