Sure, Why Not?

Happy New Year!

Oh, look, another holiday conversation!

New Year’s Day: Welcome 2012!

Christmas: Yay!

New Year’s Day: Another year is upon us!

Christmas: True. Except, well, why you?

New Year’s Day: What do you mean?

Christmas: Well, every date is a year after itself. Why start with you rather than like March 1 or something?

New Year’s Day: Come on, Christmas, you’re really not one to talk when it comes to why something is celebrated when it is!

Christmas: No, no, I have a point. I mean, if the idea is the year revolves around the birth of Christ, and that’s what I’m about, it would follow the year would begin and end with me. But it does that with you instead. A week later.

New Year’s Day: Yeah. Well, close enough.

Christmas: But it’s that week later, eight days later actually, that’s interesting. Think about it.

New Year’s Day: What?

Christmas: I’m about the birth of Jesus, right? And Jesus was Jewish. And you’re eight days after his birth, so…

New Year’s Day: …

Christmas: Yeah.

New Year’s Day: FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Ah, winter has begun! And I think something else has, too.

Winter Solstice: Here I am! Alright, Northern Hemisphere, time for another winter!

Chanukah: Shalom!

Winter Solstice: Oh, hey, Chanukah! How’s it going?

Chanukah: It’s my first day!

Winter Solstice: Hey, seems we’re the same day this year!

Chanukah: Oy vey! Don’t let Christmas know that. I’ll never hear the end of it.

Christmas: Hear the end of what?

Chanukah: Ah, you again.

Christmas: Oh, wow! You start on the Winter Solstice this year? That’s awesome!

Chanukah: Actually, I started last night at sundown if we’re to be more specific.

Christmas: Close enough. This means that this year, just like me and my traditions, you too are a Winter Solstice celebration.

Chanukah: Oy. Here we go again. I have nothing to do with the solstice. The dates are a coincidence. I’m about a temple rededication after one of very very very many times the Jews were attacked.

Christmas: Hey, you know what would make an awesome menorah decoration?

Chanukah: Menorahs don’t need decoration.

Christmas: A holly sprig! Right at the base of it.

Chanukah: Why?

Winter Solstice: Holly is evergreen and symbolizes everlasting life. For you, it could mean the resilience of the Jews all through history maybe.

Chanukah: But that’s a Celtic thing, that Christians later also made about Jesus because they’re so insecure they have to make everything about Jesus. I don’t need that. Our own traditions and symbols are plenty interesting on their own.

Winter Solstice: Maybe instead of candle oil you guys should try my Yule log. That lasts weeks!

Christmas: How about a Star of David atop the tree?

Chanukah: Fuck this shit, I’m going to make some latkes.

Christmas: Don’t forget to leave some out for Santa!

Chanukah:

It’s that time again! It’s the first of December, so today and every day hereafter through New Year’s Eve will have a NEW entry on Sure, Why Not?, just like every year. So, let’s-

Oh, wait, I think I hear something! Let’s listen…

Thanksgiving You know, for a holiday about loving and sharing, you’re getting a bit greedy.

Christmas What? What’d I do?

Thanksgiving Let’s go over this one more time. November? Mine. December? Yours.

Christmas Yes, yes, I know. What’s the problem?

Thanksgiving The problem is your decorations keep appearing way the hell back in October in some cases.

Christmas October is Halloween’s territory. What do you care?

Thanksgiving Well, it’s not like they take them down in November just to put them back up a month later. No, instead, decorations are up.

Christmas Hey, now, let’s go over this one more time. I have no control over what people who celebrate me do.

Thanksgiving Well, try something. People are getting ready and excited for you when they haven’t thought about buying their turkey yet and are still finishing off their Halloween candy, if they’ve even distributed that yet. I’m getting covered up here.

Christmas Relax. You’re still the official gateway to my season.

Thanksgiving Who other than Nordstrom remembers that?

Christmas Come on, are you really worrying about what stores do? They’re about the all-mighty dollar. What about individual people? How many houses are Christmas decorated before you come along? Not many.

Thanksgiving I suppose.

Christmas So what’s the problem?

Black Friday LOL HAI U GUIZ

Thanksgiving Fuck off!

So three hours ago I was sitting here at my desk when I noticed the floor was shaking. Figured something heavy was being wheeled down the hallway… something REALLY heavy! Conference room windows were shaking. Then… I realized nothing was being wheeled down the hallway. We were having a goddamn EARTHQUAKE! Wow!

Goodness, we don’t get those around here, in the DC area! Hit 6 or so on the Richter scale!

*ring, ring, ring*

Oh, hang on, I’m getting a call. *reads caller ID* It’s from California!

*answers*

Hello?

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

*hangs up*

Hmm, that’s weird.
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So I just came down with a cold. Lovely. I also need to finish Christmas shopping for my dumb family.

After getting off early from work today, also the last work day before Christmas (yay!), I went to a few stores to look for potential gifts. First Barnes and Noble, then some Middle Eastern food store, then Best Buy, then Kohl’s. And in each one… my nose was soooo drippy! Gross!

I mean, WTF? It felt like I couldn’t even go out in public without either having crap spewing out of my nose or a tissue stuffed into my nostrils. Neither would leave me fit for being where people are!

Instead, I made several trips to the bathroom to get paper towels to wipe my nose with. Bathrooms were too gross for me to use the toilet paper for that. And I didn’t bring enough tissues with me. Though an entire box probably would not have been enough. There I was, trying to look at DVDs and digital cameras, near other people trying to do the same, and I’m the creepy chick who keeps having to wipe her very drippy nose.

And with those hands I’m using to wipe my very drippy nose with a very snot-saturated tissue, I’m pawing through stuff to see what would be nice to give as gifts to my dumb family. Seriously, this drippy nose was making things difficult! Drippy nose is forcing me into hiding lest I become a pariah, a pariah due to being the creepy chick with a cold who can’t stop the runny!

Then comes the other disturbing thing about this. Here I am stuck touching merchandise with hands I’d been using to wipe an overused tissue across my nostrils, trying in vain to stem the flow of watery mucus. And handwashing or rubbing Purell over and over isn’t all that feasible. So my cold germs are getting on this stuff I’m not buying. Feel so guilty. And then I realize, if I’m doing it… how many other people already did?

Damn you, germs!

Uh oh! Seems once again two December observances are chatting! Let’s listen in…

Winter Solstice: Here I am! Time for the sun to stop at the Tropic of Capricorn and start heading back the other way again!

Christmas: Marvelous! And that means I’m only four days away! Time for wreaths and holly and celebration!

Winter Solstice: Uh, yeah, about that, isn’t that all actually mine?

Christmas: We can share, can’t we?

Winter Solstice: Well, of course. You and I are more or less the same celebration anyway.
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I was at Home Depot a couple weeks ago to pick up some Christmas lights, which are now hanging on my living room window for the neighbors to admire. Yay! While there, I looked through all the other decorations, mostly stuff entirely too big and fancy to put in front of my house, whose front yard is like 90% driveway, 5% porch and walkway, and 5% tree and bushes. Ah, townhouses.

Most of the decorations at the store were rather sensible. Just some lights. Prelit trees. Snow globes. Obnoxious singing stuffed animals.

Then you get the huge lawn ornaments and whatnot. Huge inflatable snow globe for the front yard, six feet in diameter. Maybe some illuminated reindeer. Giant snowman. And, of course, as said right in the title of this thing, giant inflatable Santa, bigger than any of that other stuff.

PROTIP: If you find you have purchased the giant inflatable Santa, and you have placed it somewhere on your premises, you are officially overdoing it.

Oh, a chat! Let’s listen in…

Christmas: Hey, Chanukah, how’s it going? On your, what, 4th night now?

Chanukah: Yup. And you’re still three weeks away, I see.

Christmas: Why are we so far apart this year?

Chanukah: Happens.

Christmas: I don’t like it. Prefer you were closer to me, so your people and mine could celebrate at the same time!

Chanukah: I’m usually closer to you. But maybe I prefer it this way. Everyone thinks I’m just a Jewish version of you anyway, when that is so not true.

Christmas: Well, you’re similar in a way.

Chanukah: How so? My celebration is about our candle oil lasting eight days instead of just one when we were trying to rededicate our temple after we were attacked. Yours is about… God having a kid.

Christmas: I mean the lights! Yes, there was Jesus, but that involved a big star lighting up the night sky. Yours too involves lots of lights when things looked dark. Not to mention countless other Winter Solstice celebrations that have merged with me, all with the same basic idea of celebrating light and warmth when the world is otherwise cold and dark.

Chanukah: Yeah, that’s another reason I don’t want to get too close to you. You’re sort of a December holiday Wal-Mart. It seems every single Winter Solstice or other celebration this time of year has just gotten sucked into you. Well, it’s not happening to me!

Christmas: It’s not so bad. Look, your days jump around all the time. Maybe if you were more a part of me, they’d be set days for once. Less confusing.

Chanukah: *choke* What?! I do begin on a set day. I start on the 25th of Kislev. The Gregorian calendar isn’t the only calendar, you know!

Christmas: Okay, okay. I’m sorry. But, hey, we’re both the 25th of a month! That’s something!

Chanukah: No, it’s not. Just… stop. We’re not merging. Menorahs and dreidls will not be part of you. They’re ours.

Christmas: Well, that doesn’t seem fair. Everyone can join us! Trees and wreaths and candy canes and presents for all!

Chanukah: It’s just a matter of preserving our traditions. Besides, we do have presents. We give gifts on each of the eight nights.

Christmas: Ah, you do exchange gifts then?

Chanukah: Yup. Our families meet for meals, light the candles, exchange the gifts, sing songs, play games, and do all sorts of other things.

Christmas: I’ve pretty much got all that, too.

Chanukah: So it’s even less reason for a merger. Besides, plenty of my people still celebrate Christmas.

Christmas: And that’s wonderful. The more the merrier.

Chanukah:

Christmas: Ohhhh… I see what you did there…

We’ve all heard the story “The Boy Who Cried Wolf”. Which is why it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense that I’m about to recite it.

Boy is left to watch over some sheep or villagers or whatever, to alert them if a hungry wolf comes by intending to eat them all up. Well, being a smartass, he cries “Wolf!” one night just to troll the villagers, and they figure how he’s screwing with them and kick his ass. The next night, he’s patrolling once more, and again trolls the villagers by screaming that there is a wolf coming, only for them to find no wolf and get pissed again. On the third night, because it’s always the third time in any of these stories that the interesting thing happens, he is out patrolling again and he actually does see a wolf. Oh shit! So he cries “Wolf!” to the villagers, who tell him to STFU and that they’re not falling for it again. So the wolf eats the boy and all the villagers. The end.

The moral of the story? Well, there are two. No, neither is the one you’ve always been taught is the moral. In the two possible real morals to this story, those villagers are fucking stupid.

First moral: If you cannot trust your alarm system, get a different one. Otherwise, if you’re going to ignore it anyway, what good is it? So the idiot villagers should have sent someone else to watch for the wolf.

Second moral: Even a liar sometimes tells the truth!

As demonstrated so nicely in the US Acres segment “The Wolf Who Cried Boy”.

Mmmm, Christmas.

Two days ago, boss was awesome and told us to go home for Christmas at around noon, even though we were supposed to work yesterday too. Yay, extra long weekend!

Yesterday, wrapped all my presents, made some cookies, finished and posted my newest Christmas NYRA Tale, went to my mom’s Greek friend’s big ass party again, and was half an hour late for the late night Christmas Eve church service. Not sure if that’s a win or a fail. Stupid family made me late and I missed O Come All Ye Faithful. I only even go for the music, dang it!

And during Silent Night, waving my candle around like a lighter at a concert, while wearing my Santa hat during the service.

And this morning got to family at around 10am and shortly after started opening presents.

Then at 11am I had to leave for a bit… to go to work. -_-

Just for a minute. It may be Christmas Day, but it’s also still Friday, and the freezer’s temperature chart still needs to be changed. I got there, repeatedly said “Fuck you!” to it while changing it out, writing the time, date, and initials on it, a nice “11:17am, 12-25-09″ that I’ll totally show my coworkers on Monday and totally get yelled at for. Dedication.

Then back to the house to continue opening presents. And getting what looked like a bottle of booze that was actually olive oil.

Then food.

Then more food.

Plus watching my little brother make his trains collide, in a god-like lust for transportation disaster. Incidentally, it seems the Pennsylvania Flyer kicks the Polar Express’s ass.

Now I’m sitting here next to him as he’s watching various train videos on YouTube.

Plus we’ve been having a Christmas Day Chat among NYRAnians which has been quite nice.

In this, our pseudo-White Christmas. Where the leftover snow from last weekend is getting killed fast from rain and rising temperatures. Christmas is supposed to bring snow, not kill it!

I love this day.

If you’re a doctor or a lawyer, congrats, because you’re the right type of person and are automatically a professional success.

I guess.

If you’re one of those two, congrats, because your family and friends will actually be proud of you and boast about you.

You’re a doctor or a lawyer, so that means you’re rich! ZOMG!

That’s why it’s so sad when kids die. Had they lived and grown up they could have become doctors or lawyers.

That’s why it’s so sad when kids fall into drug use and screw up their schooling. If they had stayed clean, they could have become doctors or lawyers.

That’s why no one is nearly as worried about adult drug use, because they’re already too old to become doctors or lawyers apparently. Unless they are already.

I mean, why else would you go to college? Why else would you major in biology or political science? What, are you just going to be some loser who works in a cubicle? Please. Unless your college years led to medical or law school, they were a waste of time and money.

That’s why you’re horrified to find yourself in a mediocre office job at age 45. You aren’t a doctor or a lawyer, so your life has never been successful.

If your mother thought you’d be anything but a doctor or a lawyer, she would have aborted you even if she were a staunch pro-lifer.

Failing scores on the MCAT and LSAT are a leading cause of suicide.

When you tell your second grade teacher what you want to be when you grow up, and your answer is anything other than doctor or lawyer, don’t be surprised when she and all your subsequent teachers seem to stop noticing you exist, while the kid sitting next to you wanting to take over his father’s law firm is the star pupil, and the teacher always grins sweetly at the girl across the room who dreams of working magic in the operating room.

Look at all those kids on the honor roll, especially the ones with asterisks next to their names, denoting their straight A’s. If anything other than medicine or law is on their horizon, oh what a tragic waste of talent!

If you’re a girl, well, that’s okay if you didn’t manage to be a doctor or a lawyer, so long as you marry one. Wait, you mean you didn’t marry a doctor or a lawyer? You aren’t going to get married at all? GASP! Failure!

We must help ghetto kids get an education, so they can grow up to be doctors or lawyers. The ones who don’t can stay there and rot.

We must never forget the disastrous attacks of September 11, 2001. After all, many doctors and lawyers perished.

Although I touched on this subject once before in my short little piece Mouse Talk, I figured this was worth an entry spelling out my position a bit more on this. The subject is, of course, animal testing in labs.

Got to thinking about it again when I heard about a protest supporting it at UCLA to counter the protests of the violent animal rights extremists.

In general, I’m not going to think too harshly of the people against it. Their hearts are in the right place anyway. The ones who need to chill the hell out, though, are the ones that see fit to attack the researchers violently and destroy their property. I mean, what the hell does that even accomplish? It’s terrorism! They think by threatening the researchers they’ll cave and understand their position?
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There are times back in college I thought that I would major in history. It’s always fascinating and my grades in it were somewhat good. Higher than my science grades anyway, even though I was of course a science major! Then again, it is because I went with biology that I’m currently sitting here at my desk in my lab and not behind a convenience store counter some place. Hehe.

But who says history needs to be a profession? Who says learning always must involve a formal school with the goal of some sort of employment? Lots of people get bottlenecked there and it’s very sad.

Anyway, to get to my point, and it’s a point I’ve made before so I may be repeating myself a bit, there is one thing that becomes very clear the more to delve into what different societies have been like over the millennia… The world is getting better.
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So that psychopathic monster known as 2008 has finally come to an end. But… what shall 2009 be?

Win? Fail? Lulz? I think lulz.

Anyway, did you make a resolution? No? Good, resolutions are for losers. And how can you make one? This brand new year is a total mystery. We don’t know what’s going to happen. I mean, things should remain pretty much the same, but other shit happens. Goes beyond the win, fail, or lulz question. Right now, we’re wandering into a dark quiet forest, that may either turn out to be just a nice quiet stroll or blindly parading yourself to doom at the claws of a myriad of forest creatures.

So enjoy your hike, but, well, bring a weapon. Just in case.

That’s another Christmas song and phenomenon that irks me. I mentioned it last year in the Fallible Family entry, but I keep hearing this song so I’m thinking of this again.

“If you want to be happy in a million ways, for the holidays, you can’t beat home sweet home!”

The whole song is basically “leave wherever you are and go home several states away!”
(more…)

So I was at work today and around 9:30am I placed an order for something my coworker needed in the lab. I go through the normal process and everything and am told they’d ship it out today for tomorrow’s delivery. I said that’s fine.

Around 1pm I see a guy come into our suite with a box from the company I just ordered from that morning. Sure enough, it was the stuff I ordered.

Whoa! Just three and a half hours after I placed the order. That blew my mind.

True, this company is only about 20 miles away from here, but still. Amazing.

So just a bit ago I was at the post office to stamp and send the first batch of NYRA’s holiday cards (yay!). Needed to buy a buttload of stamps first so I went to this service machine since I couldn’t use the regular stamp vending machine since I had no cash and had to use my debit card.

Went to the machine, swiped card, ordered five books of stamps, etc. Then it was waiting to dispense the stamps. Then it had a message on the screen.

“I’m dispensing your stamps. Please wait.”

…

I don’t like the sound of that “I’m”. Do you know what this means? We have machines in our post offices that are self-aware.

Where shall it go from here?

And by turkey sandwich I mean Thanksgiving and the days before and after it. Today is the first of the three of course, the so-called “busiest travel day of the year”. When losers all over are rushing around trying to travel long distances to get to their families so they can eat some turkey. I mean, you can make this exact meal at any time of the year, with or without the family, but whatever.

But, you know, it’s the gateway into proper Christmas time, despite all the stores having had their decorations up since the moment Halloween ended.

Still it’s fun to mock the travelers. I’ve never really been one of them since my family has always been close by. Only out of town Thanksgiving I had was in 1999 when we were with my other grandmother in Orlando, FL. But we traveled there a good while before the busy travel day (or just the day before, I forget).

But for most other people, why bother? It’s not like Christmas, which is a much bigger deal and involves a fuckton of presents and often longer time off from school and work. Stay home and make your own turkey and other crap.

And don’t go waking up at 3am the next morning to go shopping. The stores will still be open plenty between now and Christmas. Stop being retarded. I know I blasted you all last year for this but it bears repeating.

Mmmm… sandwich.

Since I sit at the entrance where I work, I get a lot of these idiot solicitors coming by trying to sell crap. Oh, do we want a new IT company or copier or whatever the hell else? Well, gee, I didn’t think we did but now than a random person came by trying to sell these things I’m totally on board! Jackasses.

Having enough, after getting two of them just today, I went into trusty Word and typed up a little page and went downstairs to tape it on the front door.

Voilà!

NO SOLICITORS!!!

Unless you have menus. Menus rule.

Unless you’re from that Manhattan place in Muddy Branch. You guys come by a lot. We have zillions of your menu. Maybe spread out a bit more. Or don’t print so many. Use the money to improve the food perhaps? Something to consider.

Me = win

So the other day, I got this strange call on my cell phone. Annoying recording. Voice came on saying something like “this message is to warn you that the warranty on your vehicle is about to expire” and went on to say to wait for a rep to come on and talk, blah blah. Hung up right away and didn’t give it another thought. Not sure how telemarketers got my number, but whatever. My car is several years away from warranty expiration.

The number is usually blocked, but this time it wasn’t. It was 818-870-8127.
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