Sure, Why Not?

Now, for a caffeinated, beany version of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

Someone shoot whoever made those asstarded Dunkin’ Donuts ads with all the idiots looking at what they’re implying is the Starbucks menu with a bunch of weird sounding names, and acting like they can’t understand what it’s saying. “Lulz, is it French or is it Italian… or perhaps Fritalian?”

First of all, it’s Italian, morons. I don’t know where you’re getting French from.
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And now, for a relieving, bathroom edition of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

OMFG! Shut your goddamn traps already, men AND women, about the stupid toilet seat argument. Chicks complaining it gets left up. Guys complaining about the chicks complaining.

New guest rant over on SnipeMe just got me thinking about this. Why do so many people find this worth their time to worry about?

Want to know what it is? It’s no different from any other household issue where something is not closed after being used or otherwise returned to how it was before use. Like if someone left a cabinet open after getting a cup.
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Now for a gravelly voiced, new year edition of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

Will people quit complaining about Dick Clark still appearing on the New Year’s Rockin’ Eve thing? I’ve heard several different people who keep whining that “oh no, why are they making him still do it when he’s had that stroke and he’s all messed up?”

You know, it’s not like he was having a stroke WHILE he was on the air. He had the stroke several years ago, and it has since affected his speech. So his voice is gravelly now. So what? If the man wants to keep doing the show he’s done forever, let him. Does his speech insult you somehow? That’s your own problem. The man had a stroke and is still finding a way to get on the show and speak, even if not like before, even if for only a little bit.

Disabilities bother you? Tough! You remind me of the idiots in the Timmy 2000 episode of South Park, where everyone thought Timmy the handicapped kid should be kept out of sight and protected because everyone would just laugh at him. Screw that. Same with this. Everyone thinks they’re being some caring protector by thinking Dick Clark should stop trying to do the show, when really it’s just the messed up speech bothering them. Well, get over it. People have strokes or other medical issues, and sometimes speech gets affected and they don’t talk as well as before. It’s part of life and, frankly, it’s pretty damn great the New Year’s Eve show is still using him in spite of it. So quit your blubbering, assjob.

Now, for a knocked-up, scandalous version of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

Okay, so the media and commentators have been shitting themselves over Britney Spears’s 16-year-old sister being pregnant. We all know that a teenager being pregnant is like the worst sin in the world for some reason, but now it’s all over the asstarded celebrity news. For that reason, I’d leave it alone, but then again, kind of a youth rights issue, so I have to chime in.
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And now, for a heavily medicated version of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

I’m so tired of these stupid ads for prescription drugs all the time. It’s like “are you sad sometimes? do you feel loss of energy? are you not doing the things you used to? then you need Superdangerouspointlessdrug, or SDPD, because even though the side effects are heart attack, stroke, liver cancer, impotence, and rectal bleeding, it just might make you feel a little bit better, so tell your doctor to prescribe this for you.”
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And now, for a warm and loving edition of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

These people who insist and insist that “friends come and go, but your family will always be there!” That might be true for some people. Not everybody.
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Now, for a technological, pixelated edition of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

These morons who just go on and on about how “dangerous” the internet is for kids. I swear, if I see one more talkshow host or whoever else say something like “get the computers out of kids’ rooms, it’s as if you’re leaving them alone with a stranger!” I’m going to scream.

No it is not, you idiots! A computer, even with internet connection, cannot grab your kid, jump out the window, and take him to a dark alley somewhere to do awful things to him. What the hell is wrong with you?
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And now, for a presidential edition of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

You idiots who say that Ronald Reagan had to have been Satan because his first, middle, and last name all have six letters, thus making him “666″ somehow. Ronald Wilson Reagan. Yeah, each has six letters. So what?

It’s one thing to joke about it. It’s another that there’s people out there who actually believe that! Here’s some other names. I just made these up, but they very well could be names of people.

Thomas Albert Miller
Denise Sharon Watson
Evelyn Jeanne Madden
Justin Arnold McLeod
Gloria Alexis Tanaka
Joseph Edmund Valdez

There. Six random names. Names anyone could very well have. In each case, the first, middle, and last names all have six letters. So would that mean that any newborn baby given any of these names or any other possible 666 name would have to be Satan?

I mean, shit, can’t you just drop the superstitious 666 nonsense and just call Ronald Reagan a douchebag and be done with it?

And now, for a fancy Internet technological edition of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

Let’s say your browser suddenly has an issue and you don’t know why. So you decide to ask your friends on your favorite youth rights web forum for some help. Well, that was a bad idea. What do you get?

You get like fifty retarded replies saying “Here’s your solution. Get Firefox! Lulz.”
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Now for another, patriotic, freedom-loving edition of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

I’m so SICK of these people who, in complaining about how bad things have gotten in this country (usually based on nothing except dramatic hearsay), always talk about how they wish they lived elsewhere. Yeah, because every other country is so free, right?

“Oh, but you’ve got it all wrong. European countries don’t have drinking ages and some of them have lower voting ages!”

Uh huh. Right. You can get arrested for denying the Holocaust in some European countries, but, yeah, great freedom loving countries they are.
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And now, for a racial, sexual, gay session of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

I’m so SICK of these guys who bitch and bitch that they are oppressed because they are straight, white, and male.

“Oh, no! Affirmative action is giving jobs to unqualified minorities! They’re discriminating against me!”
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Now for another retrospective session of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!

Today’s world is quite the whipping boy. Just about anyone complaining of some current unpleasant phenomenon will undoubtedly whine that “these days” are so bad.

“Oh, it seems in the past 20 years, everyone has gotten so retarded!”

“These days, you can’t do that anymore.”
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I know this is two in a row now, but here’s another set of people who seriously should…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

These whiny parents and grandparents who feel like they just have to make the same tired “joke” about the “ordeal” it is when their children are teenagers.

“Oh, kids are great, but then they become teenagers!”
“Wait until your kids are teenagers, then you’ll feel sorry for all the horrible things you did at that age.”
“Have teens around makes you age very fast!”

*headdesk*
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And now, for a deliciously, lipid-packed edition of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!

Why do people always think they’re fat?

I get this now and then. Someone (almost invariably a girl, but guys on seldom occasions) who is not fat starts complaining that she’s fat and needs to lose weight and not eat sugar, etc. Then, of course, she sees me, and is all like “How does Katrina stay so thin? She snacks so much!”
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Now for a political, oral version of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!

Okay, believe it or not, I’m actually about to defend the president, George W. Bush. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t vote for him. I’m not for this “war” or the Patriot Act or for really any of his policies for that matter, although chances are there might be some here and there I might agree with, but not nearly enough for my support.

So, enough of the part where I tell the liberals to get back in their seats and extinguish their torches, time for some pwning.
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This season of giving, I must tell some of you to…

SHUT THE HELL UP!

God, I’m sick of these retards bitching about Christmas getting too materialistic. For this, I’m afraid I must borrow the line from the gun nuts that they spout ad nauseum. If people are getting too materialistic at Christmas, that is their own damn fault. In other words, Christmas is not materialistic. People are materialistic.
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Now, for a warm and special Yuletide edition of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!

Chances are, this time of year, or within a few weeks of any Christian holiday for that matter, some self-righteous know-it-all will pipe up with “Christians stole everything from Pagans!” Oh, you hear them go through all kinds of stuff. Jesus is a rip off of Mithras. Christmas trees are a Pagan thing. December 25 was some Roman holiday with drunken debauchery and gay sex. Yule is a Pagan holiday, yet associated with Christmas for some reason. Jesus could not possibly have been born in December. Oh, yes, said wise one (read: insecure prick) will point out that just about anything involving Christmas or other Christian holidays… oh, hell with it, Christmas and Easter, rather… that they have nothing to do with their own religions but just stole stuff from other religions and try to pass it off as their own. They try to use this as an attack on Christianity.

But I ask one thing of these people.

So what?
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Alright, now for another session of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!

Could someone please tell me something? This is pissing me off.

It never fails. Any time you hear about a child actor, a child athlete, or any other child who is involved in something professional, you get the same old crap.

“Why does he want to be in that movie? He should be enjoying his childhood!”

“She shouldn’t be a golfer. She’s still a child.”
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And now, for the inaugural session of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

Who would receive such a message? Not necessarily stuff I disagree with, although sometimes it is. Just stuff I’m sick of hearing and so are you. Because I say you are.

Ironically, who should shut the hell up today? People who recite that stupid Voltaire quote practically every other sentence. You know the one.

“I don’t agree with what you say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.”
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