Sure, Why Not?

Now for a generational, sneering edition of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

I’m really getting sick of the same canned “complaint” about the younger generation, whether my own or ones after or even a little before, that we expect life to be fair all the time. This is blamed on school and maybe parents that supposedly give out awards just for participating, hoping to squash competition in order to prevent anyone from “feeling bad”. Or occasionally blamed on pop culture telling stories implying nothing seriously bad will ever happen to you.

And that all these messages have supposedly spoiled us and made us think life is perfect or that we’re good at things even when we’re not.

Speaking as someone whose schools and teams and such did have participation awards…

Bull-fucking-shit.

How stupid do you think we are?
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Drunk drivers are fucking idiots. The fact that often the penalties for drunk driving are milder than those for underage drinking is absolutely boggling. If you’re going somewhere to drink, have a non-drinker friend drive you. Take public transit (though this is often tough, especially if in DC, where everything shuts down for the night earlier than convenient for late night drinkers). Stay where you’re going overnight if possible. Or at least allow a decent amount of time to pass between your last drink and when you’d be driving again.

All that said…

Sobriety checkpoints?! Seriously?!

I was driving back from the NYRA Annual Meeting a couple weeks ago on Wisconsin Ave, when way ahead I see a lot of flashing police lights. At first I figured maybe a huge accident or something weird going on. Then I pass some signs lit up by flares that said “Prepare to Stop. Sobriety Check Point.”

Oh, HELL no! So I turned right around and went a different direction.

Checkpoints?! What is this, fucking Israel?!
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Dear Overzealous Anti-Sugar School Official,

Awww, isn’t that cute? You hear that sugar is evil and want to keep kids away from it. You’ll go to any ridiculous lengths to keep them from buying it themselves!

What’s this? You soooo badly don’t want students drinking anything other than water ever that you’ll bully stores into not selling anything to them? Stores that, I might add, have no connection to your school whatsoever? Oh, well, isn’t that just lovely. I mean, that’s totally justified seeing as the students aren’t people or anything and as their principal, I believe they are officially your own property! Goodness, why stop at dictating food and drink choices? But I digress.

Or, wait a minute. That’s not right. I’d say that students are PEOPLE. And as real individual people, they belong only to themselves. You aren’t even their parent. All you do is act as administrator of the place they’re forced to spend several hours of their day whether they like it or not. Does that make them constitute your property? And doesn’t the idea I even have to ask that question raise concerns over whether you should be teaching or even being near any children ever?

So sugar is just sooooo bad for children that it’s abuse if an adult were to allow a grain of it to touch the child’s lips. Is that what you believe? No, moron, I’ll tell you what’s abuse. The abuse here is dictating the living shit out of every little thing a child does, denying her the choice of what food and drink she consumes, and preventing her from exercising even the tiniest bit of economic autonomy just to buy a goddamn bottle of juice if she wants it!

In short, go die in a fire. Or at least stay away from kids. You’re a thousand times worse for them than sugar ever could be.

Wishing You Great Pain,

Katrina

Now for tubby, chubby edition of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

I’m so fucking sick of hearing about childhood obesity everywhere I look. It’s all “oh noes, kids are fat, kids are unhealthy, aaahhh!”

Alright, some of them might be above a healthy weight. So what do you do about it? Maybe they go play in the park a little longer. Maybe they eat some healthier foods. In any case, maybe the adults so involved with these kids’ lives should give the kids healthier options if they aren’t already. Maybe help them (and set an example by doing it themselves) develop healthier habits in general.

Of course, since when do adults actually take personal responsibility for helping young people do better? In ways other than finger pointing and berating the youth, that is. That’s right, they don’t, so they blame everything else they can. So the blame gets put on what mascots fast food chains are using or even, stupidly enough, whether the cartoons they’re watching depict fat characters! (Not to mention the slimming down of Santas I mentioned a couple years ago.)
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I hereby decree…

My dad is an asshole and so is yours.

Alright, maaaybe there are some who aren’t assholes, but that’s a pretty big leap of faith.

I’ve made a total of three anti-Mother’s Day entries yet no anti-Father’s Day ones. The main reason for it has been laziness, that when it rolled around I never got around to getting an entry put together. One might think it’s because I hate Mother’s Day more, but that’s not the case at all.
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A little message to fellow motorists out there. You know those two bright things on the very front of cars? Those are called headlights. Turn them on.

Oh, what, you think because you can see the road pretty well you don’t need to turn them on? If it’s a bright sunny day, sure. Oh, but you think that even though it’s dawn or dusk and it’s not very light out, you can still see the road alright? Maybe so. Oh, you can still see the road alright even though it’s overcast? Perhaps you can.

Just one problem. Headlights exist for two reasons. Sure, you may figure you don’t have to be bothered to turn them on if magnificent you can see the road. But you still need them on, because, what you fail to comprehend… nobody else can see YOU!

So don’t bitch if someone from the other direction making a left turn in front of you may do it without leaving you ample room. Because, chances are, that driver did not even see you approaching! You’re lucky it was only a close-call, dumbass. And the myriad of other situations on the road where it’s helpful for the preservation of one’s life to be able to, you know, see the other cars. If I get into an accident because I can’t see one of you assholes trying to preserve your headlights or whatever, I’m going to punch you in the face. And, hey, I just might find a blunt object and break your precious headlights!

So turn on the headlights, jerkass!

I’m so sick of this crap. Look at this!

What happened to Hope Witsell

Go read that.

Pretty sad, huh? Thirteen-year-old Hope Witsell sent a boy a topless pic of herself (OMG sexting! aahhh!) and all the adults in her life go out of their way to make her life miserable over it, shaming her, convincing her she’s soiled and forever ruined… and they have the goddamn NERVE to wonder why she ended up killing herself!
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You know what I’m sick of? Commercials that are basically nothing but a pissing contest between two rival companies. You get pretty much no actual information about their products. Just basically “the other guy sucks ass!” I mean, true, that’s about what advertising is, but it seems to be less about advertising and more about expensively airing a stupid spat.

I know right now we’re all thinking of the same spat. Microsoft vs. Mac. The “I’m a PC” crap versus the “I’m a Mac” crap. The Mac ads with the conversation with the “hip, young Mac” against the “old stuffy PC”, so they’re at least mildly ageist. And the PC ads all like “Macs are expensive and shitty, lulz”. Goddamn, STFU both of you.

It’s bad enough our entertainment is being interrupted to view these things, but they also are mindnumbing.
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Now for a festively ageist version of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

I’ve griped about certain Christmas songs many times before, and will surely continue to do so even long after I’m dead. So here’s another whose creator I’d like to throw screaming into the middle of the ocean.

This song is “Grown Up Christmas List”. Just the title threw up some red flags to die-hard pro-youth me. Then at some point I actually heard the song and listened to the lyrics. Yup, I’d say those red flags are quite warranted.

Basically, the song is about someone asking Santa for wars to never start, for everyone to have a friend, for love to never end. Hmmm… that sounds very nice actually. I can get on board with that. It’s a very nice song.

However! One little problem which completely ruins it and makes it not the lovely song it could be but downright objectionable. Remember that title? Yeah, the idea is that this person is asking Santa for all these nice things, as opposed asking for toys or other material things. In other words, material items are things kids ask for, but adults want nicer things like peace and love and whatnot. Because, naturally, kids are inherently selfish and just want lots of toys.

Oh, boy, yet another example of yuletide hatred of children.

Go fuck yourself with a crucifix, Amy Grant.

With other skulls.

Taser gun used on 10-year-old girl who ‘refused to take shower’

The officer had been called to the girl’s home in Ozark, Arkansas, by her mother because she was behaving in an unruly manner and refusing to take a shower.

In a report on the incident the officer, Dustin Bradshaw, said the mother gave him permission to use the Taser.

When he arrived, the girl was curled up on the floor, screaming, and resisting as her mother tried to get her in the shower before bed.

“Her mother told me to take her if I needed to,” the officer wrote.

The child was “violently kicking and verbally combative” when he tried to take her into custody and she kicked him in the groin.

He then delivered “a very brief drive stun to her back,” the report said.

The girl’s father, Anthony Medlock, who is divorced from her mother, said the girl showed signs of emotional problems but did not deserve to be “treated like an animal”.

He said: “Ten years old and they shot electricity through her body, and I want to know how the heck in God’s green earth can they get away with this.

“If you can’t pick the kid up and take her to your car, handcuff her, then I don’t think you need to be an officer. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like a dog. She’s not a tiger.” Local Mayor Vernon McDaniel said the FBI should investigate.

He said: “People here feel like that he made a mistake in using a Taser, and maybe he did, but we will not know until we get an impartial investigation.” The local Police Chief Jim Noggle said no disciplinary action was taken against Bradshaw.

“We didn’t use the Taser to punish the child, just to bring the child under control so she wouldn’t hurt herself or somebody else,” he said.

He said if the officer tried to forcefully put the girl in handcuffs, he could have accidentally broken her arm or leg.

Mr Noggle said the girl will face disorderly conduct charges as a juvenile.

A little girl was violently electrocuted by a police officer, at her idiot mother’s consent, because she didn’t want to take a shower and was upset at being forced to.
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Now for another screaming, yelling edition of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

This time, I’m talking to the asswipes who think it’s so clever and funny to complain that “oh noes, I’m out in public and I hear a little kid crying, parents need to control their kids!” Next person who says that is getting stabbed in the face (or banned from the forums, LOL).

A couple weeks ago, I was out with my mom and my five-year-old brother. I had to go with them to the zoo because my mom is a severe metro n00b, and the type of n00b who thinks she’s an expert which only makes it so much worse, so for their own good, I went with them and had to practically hold her hand through paying the fare and getting the tickets and pointing her to the right stations to go to. Seriously, look at this map, and considering we were going from Twinbrook to Cleveland Park, which as you can see involves no transfers or anything, it’s all that much sadder.
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Can someone PLEASE kill Steve Martin? Pretty please?

I mean, I don’t think anyone would mind, seeing as he’s a terrible actor and only appears in shitty remakes, which all seem to come with even shittier sequels. Remake of Father of the Bride (followed by a shitty sequel). Remake of Cheaper by the Dozen (followed by a shitty sequel). Remake of The Pink Panther (followed by a shitty sequel).

Oh, oh, he’s trying to do a really bad French accent, and with that really bad French accent he’s trying to say “hamburger”. It’s not funny or clever. It’s fucking retarded. And for every time that retarded movie gets advertised, Steve Martin should be raped up the ass with a dildo infected with AIDS and herpes, then have it shoved so far down his throat it comes out his ass.

So I was at the grocery store today and needed some more soda. I go to the aisle and see the 12-packs of Coke are on sale. I always get Vanilla Coke because it’s awesome stuff.

Except this time, there didn’t seem to be any.

*facepalm*

You know, I like totally got hooked on this stuff when it came out in the summer of 2002. Like regular Coke but with a bit of vanilla yumminess. Then 2005 ended and it disappeared from the shelves.

But not long later it returned. Yay! I was happy again.

And now it seems to be gone again.

Goddamn it, Coca Cola, stop jerking me around. It’s bad enough you don’t sell Five Alive in this country anymore and I’d have to go all the fucking way to Canada to get some. Then you’ve got this yo-yo act with Vanilla Coke. You fucking suck!

It is one of my sincerest wishes that whoever came up with that retarded song “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” should be tied down and stabbed in the ears with a long sword. That way, they’ll know how the rest of us feel whenever the song comes on the radio. I wish a similar penalty for whoever decided to put it on the air to begin with.

I mean, what the hell? It’s a horrid thing to hear and it’s just trying to sound all “cutesy” because the little kid is saying the whole word “hippopotamus” and that it sort of rhymes with Christmas. Not to mention it’s a ridiculous thing to want as a gift. On all counts, it’s right up there on the annoyance level of “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth”.
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I hereby decree…

If I’m trying to make a left turn and am on the median waiting for cars to go by so I can make the turn, and you’re behind me, stay behind me before you cross the first part of the road until I move, and then you can come to the median!

Did that make any sense?

Seriously, I’m trying to make a left turn, and the car behind me wants to make a left turn as well. When the cars heading to my right have gone by, I drive forward to the little break in the median and wait there so I can make my left turn.
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I hate to kick off the December montage of entries with something so disgusting, in a time of year that is supposed to be happy and joyful, but, well, there are a lot of things I hate. This is pretty high up on the list.

Girl Punched Dad During Spanking

CRESTVIEW, Fla. — A 16-year-old Florida girl who hit her father when he tried to spank her has been charged with misdemeanor domestic battery.

An Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office report said the father told a deputy that he was attempting to spank the girl when she turned around and struck him in the face with her fist.

The report said she tried to hit him several more times before leaving with friends.

Both father and daughter said the argument started over an item that had been broken. She acknowledged that when he went to spank her, she punched him, the report said.

….

Do I even need to point out everything that is very WRONG with this scenario?
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Alright, first of all, I know I’m seriously behind the times on this. I know I heard about it happening way back when but didn’t really think about what it meant until now. When it affects me. LOL

So a couple days ago, I came down with the telltale eustachian tube pain and runny nose. Crap. I’m getting a cold. Been 14 months since my last one, and both were the very strange summer colds. June and August are usually safe months, but nooo.

Fine, I got a cold. Okay. It’s not so bad. Not when I’ve got my trusty Tylenol Cold! I believe I’ve given a brief history of my colds and that medicine before. So I figured I’d dull the malady’s annoyances along with feeling really really good like Tylenol Cold does to me.
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Now for a gory yet clever edition of…

Here’s to You!!!!

So I raise my glass and say, “Here’s to you, violent video game manufacturers!”

You people are so stupid. No, not the manufacturers. The general public. The manufacturers are quite intelligent. They see a mass of humans who will shriek at the mere idea of mixing kids and violence in any way (unless it’s violence perpetrated by the parents, in which case they’re all for it, but that’s another matter entirely). What does that usually mean? Lots of sensationalist news reports. So finally the video game makers thought to themselves “wouldn’t free advertising be awesome?”
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Now, for a cultureless culinary edition of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

So I was glancing through some menus of local restaurants earlier today while I was at work, making myself hungry. Italian. Tex-Mex. Asian fusion. Good stuff. But there was one common little problem each of these menus had, a common little problem very common to menus.

It was, of course, the kids’ menu.
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Now, for dangerous, oblivious version of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

These people who walk into the street and just seem to be completely unaware that they are, you know, in a street. They know, but they seem to think it’s just an extension of the sidewalk or something.
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