Sure, Why Not?

Now for a gory yet clever edition of…

Here’s to You!!!!

So I raise my glass and say, “Here’s to you, violent video game manufacturers!”

You people are so stupid. No, not the manufacturers. The general public. The manufacturers are quite intelligent. They see a mass of humans who will shriek at the mere idea of mixing kids and violence in any way (unless it’s violence perpetrated by the parents, in which case they’re all for it, but that’s another matter entirely). What does that usually mean? Lots of sensationalist news reports. So finally the video game makers thought to themselves “wouldn’t free advertising be awesome?”
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Now, for a cultureless culinary edition of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

So I was glancing through some menus of local restaurants earlier today while I was at work, making myself hungry. Italian. Tex-Mex. Asian fusion. Good stuff. But there was one common little problem each of these menus had, a common little problem very common to menus.

It was, of course, the kids’ menu.
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Now, for dangerous, oblivious version of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

These people who walk into the street and just seem to be completely unaware that they are, you know, in a street. They know, but they seem to think it’s just an extension of the sidewalk or something.
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I hereby decree…

Open it in a new window!

Holy crap, I haven’t written an entry in a while! Oh, well, here’s a new one. Be happy.

You know what pisses me off? Sometimes there’s a program on your computer that for some reason or another needs to go to a webpage. Perhaps to download an upgrade. Whatever.

Oh, did I mention you already had your browser open because you were in the middle of reading a page on the Fortress and admiring its awesomeness? Yeah.

So you click the link in the program to bring up a browser window with the page it must visit. But you see no new browser window. You are confused.

And then you realize.

The stupid program made the page open IN THE BROWSER WINDOW YOU ALREADY HAD OPEN!

What the shit?!

What the hell is the purpose of that?! No, don’t open in a new window in a nice unobtrusive way, a way that doesn’t interrupt anything you might already have going. Just move the page you’re already on into the other page.

Go die in a fire.

Alright, I’m ranting about the same thing twice in a row. I must be out of ideas! Or I just have more to say the subject. Whatever.

As I’m writing this, I’ve got a venti (that’s right, venti, suck it, Dunkin’ Donuts) white mocha next to me, nice hot tasty drink on a cold day like this! While in Starbucks, I thought some more about the retarded ads Dunkin’ Donuts is running. Seriously, you’ve GOT to be majorly retarded to not understand the menu! That “your mouth can’t form these words”. What is this, the 1950’s? I mean, if anything, those ads are running at least a couple decades too late, if their whole campaign is, as I said a couple days ago, that Starbucks is bad because their menu isn’t American enough. Despite the fact that Dunkin’ Donuts’s menu isn’t THAT different.
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Now, for a caffeinated, beany version of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

Someone shoot whoever made those asstarded Dunkin’ Donuts ads with all the idiots looking at what they’re implying is the Starbucks menu with a bunch of weird sounding names, and acting like they can’t understand what it’s saying. “Lulz, is it French or is it Italian… or perhaps Fritalian?”

First of all, it’s Italian, morons. I don’t know where you’re getting French from.
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A few months back, I heard on the news about a 1-year-old boy who drowned in the bath tub. The segment discussed how devastated the neighborhood was to hear it, and how they showered sympathy on the poor mother who had this horrible thing happen to her.

Here’s what happened, according to the news report anyway. The little boy was in the tub, taking a bath, and then somewhere during this time he drowned in it. The mother was home alone with him. She discovered him in the water face down or something and not responding. She called some nurse friend of hers over to the house to help revive him, and when the friend couldn’t, they called 911. Boy was pronounced dead.
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And now, for a relieving, bathroom edition of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

OMFG! Shut your goddamn traps already, men AND women, about the stupid toilet seat argument. Chicks complaining it gets left up. Guys complaining about the chicks complaining.

New guest rant over on SnipeMe just got me thinking about this. Why do so many people find this worth their time to worry about?

Want to know what it is? It’s no different from any other household issue where something is not closed after being used or otherwise returned to how it was before use. Like if someone left a cabinet open after getting a cup.
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Lately, I’ve been thinking I should move away from free music downloading. There’s the fear of unsafe files, sure, as well as thinking I don’t need to be doing it. But I’m sick of buying CD’s. I hate buying a whole damn CD for only a couple of songs, and the other songs all suck, and seeing as whenever I get a CD I just load up all the songs from it onto my computer, and I just put the actual CD someplace on my shelf. And I’m running out of room!
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First, have a look at this news story.

It was early last month when Jane Hambleton of Fort Dodge found the bottle under the front seat of her 19-year-old son’s pride and joy.

Her next move was a call to The Des Moines Register’s classified advertising department:

OLDS 1999 Intrigue

“Totally uncool parents who obviously don’t love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for 3 weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet.”

The son soon found himself on foot. And the meanest mom on the planet became the target of accolades from across Iowa and beyond.

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Now for a gravelly voiced, new year edition of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

Will people quit complaining about Dick Clark still appearing on the New Year’s Rockin’ Eve thing? I’ve heard several different people who keep whining that “oh no, why are they making him still do it when he’s had that stroke and he’s all messed up?”

You know, it’s not like he was having a stroke WHILE he was on the air. He had the stroke several years ago, and it has since affected his speech. So his voice is gravelly now. So what? If the man wants to keep doing the show he’s done forever, let him. Does his speech insult you somehow? That’s your own problem. The man had a stroke and is still finding a way to get on the show and speak, even if not like before, even if for only a little bit.

Disabilities bother you? Tough! You remind me of the idiots in the Timmy 2000 episode of South Park, where everyone thought Timmy the handicapped kid should be kept out of sight and protected because everyone would just laugh at him. Screw that. Same with this. Everyone thinks they’re being some caring protector by thinking Dick Clark should stop trying to do the show, when really it’s just the messed up speech bothering them. Well, get over it. People have strokes or other medical issues, and sometimes speech gets affected and they don’t talk as well as before. It’s part of life and, frankly, it’s pretty damn great the New Year’s Eve show is still using him in spite of it. So quit your blubbering, assjob.

First off, Happy 2008!

Anyway, being New Year’s Day, I’ve been thinking of the sheer stupidity circulating around eight years ago. When we went from 1999 to 2000. Everyone all like “ZOMG! New millennium! The world is going to end!”

I was seriously ashamed to be even affiliated with the human race back then.

First of all, that wasn’t the new millennium. We went into this millennium the following year, going into 2001. Going into 2000 was just a drastic change in the numbers, which, yeah, is an unusual occurrence.

Then there was the “scare” over the so-called Y2K bug. I might also mention that “Y2K” is among the stupidest terms I’ve ever heard in my life. You don’t sound cool. You sound like a douchebag.

Oh, no, all the computers will melt and bombs will go off after midnight on December 31, 1999! Sure enough, not a damn thing happened.

What are we left with now? Having to be reminded of this asstardedness whenever we watch reruns of our favorite shows. The Simpsons’ 10th Treehouse of Horror, the third segment was about this crap. Family Guy had one. Drew Carey show had one where they were preparing a bomb shelter. King of the Hill had one. Did these show writers stop to think that in a few years, this would all be physically painful to watch? Even back then, with these shows airing new, and all the stupid commercials alluding to the “end of the world”. That life as we know it will change once the clock strikes midnight and it is January 1, 2000.

Even though it would be cool, it’s times like this I hope I don’t live to be 117, since I’d have to see this stupid shit again when we cross into 2100.

And now, for a cosmetic, beautifying edition of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

We’ve all seen it. In The Breakfast Club, it was the Ally Sheedy character being remedied by Molly Ringwald. Countless Disney movies have done essentially the same. It’s the desperate need in more movies than I care to count, for fear of vomiting, to make the plain girl a pretty girl, for that is the only way she can be happy or desirable.
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Now, for a knocked-up, scandalous version of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

Okay, so the media and commentators have been shitting themselves over Britney Spears’s 16-year-old sister being pregnant. We all know that a teenager being pregnant is like the worst sin in the world for some reason, but now it’s all over the asstarded celebrity news. For that reason, I’d leave it alone, but then again, kind of a youth rights issue, so I have to chime in.
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I hereby decree…

Supporters of school uniforms are closet pedophiles.

I’ve been thinking about the issue of school uniforms earlier. Then I realized something. What kind of perverted jackass supports them? You hear the same old excuses they pull out of their asses about wanting students to be more equal, so the poor kids wouldn’t feel like they have shabby clothes while the rich kids have nice expensive clothes. That’s about all they come up with and they convince themselves over and over that it is a bullet proof argument, despite the very many factual errors. Such as schools with uniforms typically requiring uniform fees, for one.

No, they support it because they enjoy the idea of young kids being dressed in clothes they like to see them in. You just know these perverted old assholes are getting off at the thought of ten-year-old school girls in a little plaid skirt. They believe children are not people, but little beings for them to control for their own personal pleasure. So what do they do? They want to dress up the little “dolls” for their own gratification, in little outfits of their choosing.

Funny how the people most vocal about perverts on the internet will wholeheartedly support school uniforms. Talk about missing an obvious haven of pedophiles. Then again, protecting children in that sense is hardly their biggest priority.

And you people think those in charge really see children as innocent beings. You are quite fooled.

Ugh. This news story just got posted on NYRA.

Source

Canadian Muslim Teen’s Dad Charged in Her Murder; Friends Say They Clashed Over Head Scarf

TORONTO — A Canadian man has been charged with murdering his own daughter, and her friends say the two clashed over her refusal to wear a Muslim head scarf. Police have not commented on a motive.

Aqsa Parvez, 16, of Mississauga, Ontario, was rushed to hospital in critical condition Monday after a man made an emergency call in which he claimed to have killed his daughter, police said. She died late Monday night.

The emergency call “came in from the father saying he had killed his daughter,” police spokesman Wayne Patterson said. “Police arrived and rushed her to hospital and she passed away.”

Patterson said they are working at determining the motive and refused to confirm it was over the head scarf.

The girl’s friends said in interviews Tuesday that Aqsa loved shopping for clothes and clashed with her family over her reluctance to wear the hijab, a traditional veil or head scarf for devout Muslim women.

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And now, for a heavily medicated version of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

I’m so tired of these stupid ads for prescription drugs all the time. It’s like “are you sad sometimes? do you feel loss of energy? are you not doing the things you used to? then you need Superdangerouspointlessdrug, or SDPD, because even though the side effects are heart attack, stroke, liver cancer, impotence, and rectal bleeding, it just might make you feel a little bit better, so tell your doctor to prescribe this for you.”
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Now for an exquisite, tableclothed edition of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

Yeah, it’s right there in the title. Interrupting waiters. We all know it’s annoying when you go to a restaurant, and the waiter seems to disappear for a while and you’re hungry and want to order. Well, the opposite is also really irritating. Waiters who don’t leave you the hell alone!
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And now, for a godless, faithless version of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

I’m surprised I haven’t said more about this yet. Well, here it is. I’ve said my bit about far right religious whackos, but it’s time to blast the other end of the spectrum. I’m talking, of course, about militant atheists.

Yeah, I’m a Christian, and I catch a lot of shit for it now and then. What people fail to realize is that not all Christians are alike. Far from it! Therefore, much of what I believe does not adhere to what Christians stereotypically all believe. What they also fail to realize is that I don’t try to push my beliefs on people (granted, I used to, but stopped). I consider myself a Christian and may discuss briefly what some of my beliefs are, but I really don’t give a crap what your religion is.
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Now, for a technological, pixelated edition of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

These morons who just go on and on about how “dangerous” the internet is for kids. I swear, if I see one more talkshow host or whoever else say something like “get the computers out of kids’ rooms, it’s as if you’re leaving them alone with a stranger!” I’m going to scream.

No it is not, you idiots! A computer, even with internet connection, cannot grab your kid, jump out the window, and take him to a dark alley somewhere to do awful things to him. What the hell is wrong with you?
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