Sure, Why Not?

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
“Peace on Earth, good will to men!”

I thought how as the day had come
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of “Peace on Earth, good will to men!”

And in despair, I bowed my head
“There is no peace on earth,” I said.
For hate is strong
And mocks the song
Of “Peace on Earth, good will to men!”

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep
“God is not dead nor doth he sleep!”
The wrong shall fail
The right prevail
With “Peace on Earth, good will to men!”

Till ringing singing on its way
The world revolved from night to day!
A voice, a chime
A chant sublime!
Of “Peace on Earth, good will to men!”

(words by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, of course!)

Common Christmas time song is “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”. The song is a list of how awful this Mr. Grinch guy is. To someone unfamiliar with “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” (theoretically, since I’m not sure such a person exists), hearing this song among all the other Christmas songs might seem a little odd. Because, really, standing alone, the song makes no sense, nor does it explain why said Mr. Grinch is so horrible. It doesn’t explain it’s because he’s robbing a whole lot of houses on Christmas Eve out of spite.

But we all know that story, so it seems appropriate to hear the song among Christmas music. It’s funny how often this can happen.

If you’re a fan of The Sopranos, you know that one of the characters’ nicknames is Big Pussy, usually shortened to just Pussy. So thinking of the show, you might find yourself talking about things that happen, saying “pussy” a lot, and someone overhearing this who’s not familiar with the show might be like “what?!” I’ve had that happen a couple times!

So just like every year, I’ve been preparing and sending NYRA’s holiday cards, and my soundtrack for this task has been 97.1 WASH’s 24/7 Christmas music on the stupid I Heart Radio streaming thing. Something that, as a cursory glance through the Musical Musing category will tell you, I have a rather complicated relationship with!

One popular and of course overplayed song is Elton John’s “Step Into Christmas”. Not bad.

Then I noticed something about the song I never noticed before.

The first line of the song is… “Welcome to my Christmas song!”

…

Um, thanks, Elton! I guess.

You see, that’s the kind of lyrics that really makes you think.

Even if just thinking he should go back to Chef for more help with them.

So last night at midnight, 97.1 finished up their six weeks of Christmas songs and switched back to their regular crap. Bleh.

It’s always a little sad. The festive songs get put away until next November and they’re back to the normal work-safe light rock and pop stuff. No more Sleigh Ride. No more Silver Bells. No more Winter Wonderland. No more Frosty the Snowman. Sigh.

But of course, there are the ones I will not miss. Namely, ones I’ve ranted about before. Santa Claus Is Coming to Town. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas (especially that obnoxious Perry Como version!). And others.

And… The Christmas Shoes.

Yeah, you know the one I mean. About the guy in line to buy presents who’s in a Charlie-Brown-ish “what’s the point?” mindset, and a boy in front of him is trying to buy shoes for his dying mother.
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City sidewalks
Busy sidewalks
Dressed in holiday style
In the air there’s a feeling of Christmas
Children laughing
People passing
Meeting smile after smile
And in every street corner you hear

Silver bells, silver bells
It’s Christmas time in the city
Ring-a-ling
Hear them ring
Soon it will be Christmas Day!

Strings of street lights
Even stop lights
Blink a bright red and green
And the shoppers rush home with their treasures
Hear the snow crunch
See the kids bunch
This is Santa’s big scene!
And above all this bustle you hear

Silver bells, silver bells
It’s Christmas time in the city
Ring-a-ling
Hear them ring
Soon it will be Christmas Day!

Soon it will be Christmas Day!

For the fifth year now, it’s been the same thing. NYRA Holiday Cards! On Wednesday, I completed this year’s sending, starting December 7 and ending December 15, a whopping 570 cards! And, what is mind-blowingly astounding, there weren’t really any problems. Every damn year, usually there’s some annoying setback that pisses me the hell off and results in my fellow board members getting yelled at (well, via e-mail, hehe). Whether they can’t get shit together on who should receiving cards or certainly executive directors screw with the list or whatever else, there’s usually something. This year, holy crap! It was smooth!

Well, almost. There was one teeny tiny thing, back in October when I was first doing the design. I was all set with a lovely design, a green background with some holly on either side of the annual meeting picture! Beautiful. Was ready to show it to the board and await praise. Except… I couldn’t help the feeling it looked too “Christmas only”. What with the red and green, despite not saying Christmas anywhere on it, and being free of Jesus or angels or Santa. So when we met up in the NYRA office around that time, I showed it to Alex, and he thought the card was awesome. I mentioned my concern, though, and he agreed. But, well, Alex and I are lifelong Christians, so we’d be biased, as I said to him. So then Hal showed up at the office, and I asked him, as someone who is Jewish, what he thought of the card. Yeah, he got one look at it and said “no fucking way!” LOL! Alright, can’t use the awesome holly design, so back to the drawing board. My own dumbass fault, really. I’m supposed to be more mindful of it, I guess. It’s alright. I had other choices. My second choice, though, had ornaments on it, and I figured if holly was a no-no, ornaments probably were, too. So I went with my third choice, a blue one with little snowflakes on either side of the bottom of the picture. Averted! And the card is still awesome.

So anyway, since 2007, on the forums, I’ve been posting my own little musical reflection of that holiday card run. Stuff the Cards! Rather unimaginatively on my part, to the tune of Deck the Halls. And here is each one!
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You know what’s cool about some Christmas carols? Like the super old ones, like Silent Night and Hark the Herald Angels Sing? They’ve been around a long ass time.

I was watching the 1938 version of A Christmas Carol this evening, and when Scrooge is with Christmas Present he’s watching his nephew and the Cratchits in church. Where everyone was singing O Come All Ye Faithful. And then I just got this feeling, that this movie from 1938, about a story written and taking place in like 1850 or so, features a church service where they are singing O Come All Ye Faithful. The very same O Come All Ye Faithful I’ll be singing at a church service on Christmas Eve here in 2010.

Times like this I understand more why people cling to their religions and/or traditions. Not so much necessarily any ideological reasons, but that belonging to some long-running chain of events, that makes one feel part of that something bigger, yet in a sense that each one of us is significant in it. Something like that.

When I went to London last year, I visited Saint Paul’s Cathedral, which has been there for like over a millennium. Or, more accurately, since it was rebuilt after that big ass London fire in like 1666 or something, but in any case, that site has been used for religious purposes for that millennium or so. While I was there, they did a quick afternoon service and some choir was singing. And I thought while sitting there that here I was, witnessing yet another service in the countless number of them that had been going on there since so very many centuries ago. Neat.

Christmas songs are perhaps my favorite thing about the season, what with embodying all the traditions have been swept into the veritable Katamari that Christmas is, as well as the general joy. And music is fun anyway!

And I wonder that a century from now, two centuries from now, they’ll still be singing Silent Night and Angels We Have Heard on High, as well as the newer but just as fun and meaningful songs, and the even more Christmas songs that have yet to be composed. Now that’s what I call seeing Christmas Past, Present, and Future!

Did I ever tell you the story about Santa Claus? He’s the guy who lives at the North Pole for some reason and has a magic sleigh and reindeer with which he zips around the world Christmas Eve night and delivers presents to everyone!

Did I ever tell you the one about Santa’s ninth reindeer, Rudolph? He was born with a glowing red nose, and the other reindeer bullied him over it, until one foggy Christmas Eve, when Santa couldn’t fly anywhere because magic sleighs and flying reindeer are no match for ordinary fog that apparently covers the entire world, they realized Rudolph’s red nose makes a fine fog light, so they were able to go out after all.
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I almost don’t think I should write about this since I’m sort of repeating stuff I’ve said quite a bit already. But, screw it, here’s another!

Right now, I’m at work and getting ready to send the first batch of NYRA’s holiday cards (yay!) and have 97.1 streaming online, the DC version of the generic Clear Channel light rock station that carries that annoying Delilah show in evenings and in December plays 24/7 Christmas music (with a few Chanukah songs thrown in here and there so they can pretend they’re all inclusive). I love Christmas music, I’ve been over this many times, yet there are several songs, which I’ve also mentioned before here and here and here and here and here, which are awful and keep getting played for some reason. Two of the worst are “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” and “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”. While the latter thankfully doesn’t seem to be getting played quite as much this year, the former is of course getting played over and over.
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We all get sick of the newest, popular songs get the living shit played out of them on practically every radio station. That new Train song. That Lady Antebellum song. Just about anything by Taylor Swift. And if I hear Kelly Clarkson’s “Already Gone” or whatever it is one more time, I will scratch someone’s eyes out.

But songs don’t have to have come out within the past two weeks for you to get sick of their constant, constant, mindnumbing play. Hell, they don’t even have to have come out in the past two decades.

That’s right, this is about even classic rock songs that radio stations play the living shit out of. While any one of these songs might get fewer plays on a given day than any of the aforementioned brand new pop stuff, it’s also worse in a way because many of the overplayed pop songs will disappear without a trace in a month or so, while Fleetwood Mac’s “Rhiannon” and Steve Miller’s “Joker” and Journey’s “Any Way You Want It” have been getting played sooo much consistently for many many years.
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So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
A new one just begun.

And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun.
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young.

A very Merry Christmas!
And a Happy New Year!
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear.

So this is Christmas
(War is over)
For weak and for strong
(If you want it)
The rich and the poor ones
(War is over now)
The road is so long.

And so Happy Christmas!
(War is over)
For black and for white
(If you want it)
For yellow and red ones
(War is over now)
Let’s stop all the fight

A very Merry Christmas!
And a Happy New Year!
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear.

So this is Christmas
(War is over)
And what have we done?
(If you want it)
Another year over
(War is over now)
A new one just begun.

And so Happy Christmas!
(War is over)
We hope you have fun!
(If you want it)
The near and the dear ones
(War is over now)
The old and the young.

A very Merry Christmas!
And a Happy New Year!
Let’s hope it’s a good one
Without any fear.

War is over
If you want it
War is over now.

Goodness, how many Christmas songs am I going to criticize?!

The one of the moment is “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”. It’s an okay song as a whole, if a bit dated. But there is one line in it that just sticks out like a Mormon on SnipeMe.

“And mom and dad can hardly wait for school to start again.”

Wow, WTF? I mean, I’m not blaming the song for this line, because it can’t help, well, speaking the truth. Line comes right after listing what some kids hope to get for Christmas. I guess like a whole this-is-what-these-people-are-thinking during the Christmas season. Kids are eagerly anticipating their gifts, and the parents… wish the kids would STFU and go back to school already.

Ah, those mature responsible adults.

Some Christmas songs are so terrible they are worth being griped about multiple times. I speak again about the entity responsible for horrid neuron-genocide known as “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”.

Really, it does the same thing that “Santa Baby” does, in that it actually sort of implicitly sexualizes Santa Claus. In the case of “Santa Baby”, it’s about some chick wanting Santa to hurry down the chimney and bring her presents, and it’s sung in such a tune that those “presents” could be just about anything and certainly not all she wants (giggity). Which is messed up when you figure Santa Claus is like 1700 years old, and unless the singer is supposed to be Mrs. Claus, we’re talking a girl with some major daddy issues.
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Have you heard the song “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” by Band Aid? That collaborative bit from the ’80s all about how poor Africans are starving and to think of them at Christmas time? That goes “Feed the world… let them know it’s Christmas time!” Sounds nice on the surface, and Lord knows idiots like my mom eat it up without a thought. But when you really look at it, the song is rife with profound ignorance about the place they are singing about.

Alexander Cohen covered this one well a couple years ago already, and I have to agree with everything he says there.

Look at these lyrics: “And there won’t be snow in Africa at Christmastime/ The greatest gift they’ll get this year is life./ Where nothing ever grows, no rain nor rivers flow./ Do they know it’s Christmastime at all?”
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Now for a festively ageist version of…

YOU SUCK!!!!

I’ve griped about certain Christmas songs many times before, and will surely continue to do so even long after I’m dead. So here’s another whose creator I’d like to throw screaming into the middle of the ocean.

This song is “Grown Up Christmas List”. Just the title threw up some red flags to die-hard pro-youth me. Then at some point I actually heard the song and listened to the lyrics. Yup, I’d say those red flags are quite warranted.

Basically, the song is about someone asking Santa for wars to never start, for everyone to have a friend, for love to never end. Hmmm… that sounds very nice actually. I can get on board with that. It’s a very nice song.

However! One little problem which completely ruins it and makes it not the lovely song it could be but downright objectionable. Remember that title? Yeah, the idea is that this person is asking Santa for all these nice things, as opposed asking for toys or other material things. In other words, material items are things kids ask for, but adults want nicer things like peace and love and whatnot. Because, naturally, kids are inherently selfish and just want lots of toys.

Oh, boy, yet another example of yuletide hatred of children.

Go fuck yourself with a crucifix, Amy Grant.

So this morning I was driving to work and a song came on the radio that I’d heard a few times. Thought it was a cute song, so when I got to work I went to the radio station’s website to check the list of recently played songs to see what the title and artist were. And for a moment there I felt I had to cleanse myself, repent, confess my sins, and go into shameful exile. For that cute song, I was horrified to discover, is sung by *gasp* Miley Cyrus!

Of course, that horrified dirty feeling lasted all of half a minute before I realized, well, so what? Sure, I, a 26-year-old, am “supposed” to hate everything about her, as well as the Jonas Brothers and Taylor Swift and whoever else. They, along with Twilight, are a favorite thing to mock by everyone from long-time comedians to the contributors at ROFLrazzi. It has long since gotten stale, though, save for ones that are actually cleverly done. But it doesn’t matter because they’re making fun of something everyone already hates so that right there is apparently what passes for comedy.
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This night we pray
Our lives will show
This dream he had
Each child still knows.

This night we pray
Our lives will show
This dream he had
Each child still knows.

We are waiting…
We have not forgotten.

We are waiting…
We have not forgotten.

On this night, on this night, on this night,
On this very Christmas night.
On this night, on this night, on this night,
On this very Christmas night.
On this night, on this night, on this night,
On this very Christmas night.
On this night, on this night, on this night,
On this very Christmas night…

It is one of my sincerest wishes that whoever came up with that retarded song “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” should be tied down and stabbed in the ears with a long sword. That way, they’ll know how the rest of us feel whenever the song comes on the radio. I wish a similar penalty for whoever decided to put it on the air to begin with.

I mean, what the hell? It’s a horrid thing to hear and it’s just trying to sound all “cutesy” because the little kid is saying the whole word “hippopotamus” and that it sort of rhymes with Christmas. Not to mention it’s a ridiculous thing to want as a gift. On all counts, it’s right up there on the annoyance level of “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth”.
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Ever notice the second verse of “O Come All Ye Faithful”? Like, in the full version of the song straight out of the hymnal?

God from God, light from light eternal
He abhors not the virgin’s womb.

…

LOL WUT?

I mean, I know there are like 500 different songs all telling the exact same story but…

LOL WUT?

That is one overused phrase.

“Oh, yeah, he’s tellin’ it like it is!”

Heh. Cute.

On NYRA and similar places, it’s a nice substitute for, well, actually saying something substantial.

Then I heard it during the ending of the Eurythmics’ version of “Winter Wonderland”.

I don’t know. Winder Wonderland doesn’t strike me as a “tell it like it is” moment.