February 4, 2019

Corn Syrup

Filed under: Check It Out,Idiot Box,Sports!,Teh Interwebs — Katrina @ 10:14 pm

Yesterday was yet another Superbowl Sunday, and as usual, I was tweeting and retweeting. So here’s some of the crap I was coughing up while the Patriots and Rams weren’t scoring like at all and Adam Levine was having an intentional wardrobe malfunction.

Anyway, let’s get to it. It was all mostly in one tweet thread, so I didn’t bother linking to the tweet directly for most of these since they are in there, and it started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this, it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss…

*shakes head*

By that I mean…

You get the idea. Also…

And so on…

sciville Food is made. Chicken chili, guacamole, and cookies. Time for break from Puppy Bowl to watch Man Bowl. #Superbowl

sciville Patriotic theater at an athletic event?! Blasphemy! I guess I’d better get down on my knee… that’s how you show reverence for the country and flag, right? #TakeAKnee #Superbowl

sciville Uh oh, what’s MLK being exploited for now? #Superbowl

sciville Oh, wait, it’s to honor him and @BerniceKing and @repjohnlewis! Sweet! #Superbowl

sciville Ha! Yeah, Patriots were getting a little too far down the field. #interception #Superbowl

sciville Distracted driving due to M&Ms. Does any auto insurance cover that? #Superbowl

sciville “Serena Williams is powerful. Download this app.” #Superbowl

sciville I bought a Hyundai almost 12 years ago and didn’t have to ride a weird elevator. Did I do it wrong? I can keep my car, right? #Superbowl

sciville “Tom Brady has not been sacked once!” Famous last words… #Superbowl

sciville Patriots call timeout so we can watch more weird ads. Or Michael Myers commenting on glowing skin. Comforting. #Superbowl

sciville What’s with all the elevators? #Superbowl

sciville NFL is paying any lip service they can think of to civil rights except, you know, letting Colin Kaepernick play again and dropping this “you’re not allowed to #TakeAKnee” nonsense. #Superbowl

sciville This beverage containing alcohol, which will be responsible for who knows how many driving deaths tonight, is going to literal great lengths to assure us it doesn’t contain corn syrup. #Superbowl

sciville “I’m trying to save the world, which, for the record, will be my fourth time, because I’m really good at it.” Well! #Superbowl

sciville Oh, look, Brady got sacked. Who’d have thought that would happen? Me. A little while ago. #Superbowl

sciville No, Pepsi is not okay. Screw you. #Superbowl

sciville Choking on a cashew will get you a sweet Audi. Good advice. #Superbowl

sciville Did Drogon just kill the Bud Knight? #Superbowl

sciville Three-pointer by New England! #wrongsport #Superbowl

sciville Who needs existential dread when you have Pringles and Funkytown? #Superbowl

sciville “Seventeen years ago, Tom Brady looked older, I think?” LOL #Superbowl

sciville The Rams are good at being unnoticed by the refs this postseason. #Superbowl

sciville Okay, but if telling the Mercedes to “change color” meant the outside of the car changed too, that would really be neat. #Superbowl

sciville Why is Mr. Peanut road raging with a peanut car and scaring Charlie Sheen? #Superbowl

sciville Do you mind with your chunky milk thing? I’m trying to eat my delicious chili here! #Superbowl

sciville It’s that twilighty show about that zone! #SimpsonsQuotesforallOccasions #Superbowl

sciville If that robot wants to be a CPA, then let them, you jerks! #Superbowl

sciville Inside of the two-minute warning until… Adam Levine. #Superbowl

sciville Turnover on downs. Down he goes. #Superbowl

sciville This American football game is so low scoring it may as well be an everywhere else football game. #Superbowl

sciville Anyway, time for the game to turn into a concert real quick and then back into a game real quick. #Superbowl

sciville Look at all those former players who probably still have functioning brains. Probably. #Superbowl

sciville That poor cake. #Superbowl

sciville It’s the Pepsi half time show, and here I am drinking Coke. I do what I want. #Superbowl

sciville Suddenly, Squidward! #Superbowl

sciville The censorship silences are really jarring. Can we as a society stop caring about profanity already? #Superbowl

sciville Glowing orbs? #Superbowl

sciville So who remembers Left Shark? #Superbowl

sciville This would be a good time for Mick Jagger to suddenly appear and move like himself. #Superbowl

sciville But, yeah, that is NOT the “concert of the year”. For one, it was 15 minutes and only partially played a couple of the hits. Most concerts are longer and have more than that. Just saying. #Superbowl

sciville Now for the second half. Let’s see what happens. If anything. Big if. #Superbowl

sciville Eric Cartman: “This is Bill Beeeeeelichick.” #SouthPark #Superbowl

sciville Kid with southern accent talking about assembling a Korean car. Unfamously. #Superbowl

sciville “No accounts of the game without the consent of NFL is prohibited.” Welp, all of us on the #Superbowl tag are screwed. LOL

sciville Peyton Manning said “Omaha!” Tom Brady says “Reagan!” Okay then. #Superbowl

sciville That’s just cold and stolen, T-Mobile. #Superbowl

sciville Three and out and you’re not even out of your own end zone. Yeah, that’s this game for you. #Superbowl

sciville And now, mac ‘n’ cheese porn. #Superbowl

sciville Oh, yay, what #Superbowl record was set tonight? Longest PUNT!

sciville If using Colgate means no one respects your personal space, maybe, like, don’t use Colgate? #Superbowl

sciville FWIW, Spongebob is on Nick 2 right now. #Superbowl

sciville o snap, Rams completed a pass. Didn’t know they knew how to do that. #Superbowl

sciville This won’t be pass interference, and every Saints fan is smiling sardonically. #Superbowl

sciville 53 yarder in #Superbowl ! Tie game!

sciville When the announcer says “We got points! It’s 3-3 and feels like we’ve got a scoring spree going on!” #Superbowl

sciville It was a Bud Light ad and Daenerys Targaryen didn’t crash it. I’m disappointed. #Superbowl

sciville “Through three quarters, not a single touchdown to be found!” What is this “touchdown” of which you speak? Is that still a thing? #Superbowl

sciville “He rolls for an extra yard.” What if he just kept rolling to the other end for the touchdown? Is that allowed? What about for this game? #Superbowl

sciville Video game accessibility. #Superbowl

sciville You’d think a #Superbowl tied in the 4th quarter would feel more exciting. *shrug*

sciville But then again, it’d kind of suck if it were a blowout. You expect the teams that get here to be evenly matched. #Superbowl

sciville “Here’s a guy eating a burger with ketchup. That’s several million well spent.” -Burger King #Superbowl

sciville In other news, “Blowin’ in the Wind” in a #Superbowl ad just feels… wrong.

sciville This game is a staring contest, and whoever blinks gets a shiny trophy they’ll immediately smudge and a free car they can easily afford ten of. #Superbowl

sciville So this game will be followed by @StephenAtHome. Better than last year, followed by “enjoy the game? now watch as this family escapes their burning house and one of them dies”. #Superbowl

sciville I think I liked this game better when it was 3-3. #Superbowl

sciville Dad thinks daughter is Google. Switch to T-Mobile! #Superbowl

sciville I just realized there haven’t been any Doritos ads tonight. Couldn’t outdo the time machine or the fetus? #Superbowl

sciville Anyway, looks like it’s the damn Patriots again. Unless Rams pull some serious magic out of their asses now. #Superbowl

sciville “It’s over. A lot of people in the audience look pissed.” -Brian Griffin #Superbowl

sciville I don’t know. A fourth Toy Story feels like one too many. But I think I thought that about the third one and it’s almost nine years later and I’m still crying. #Superbowl

sciville Time to rub and even kiss Shiny Trophy. #Superbowl

sciville “The Patriots are #Superbowl champs yet again.” Yaaaaaaaawn.

sciville Tom Brady, your daughter is excited and trying to talk to you. Answer her! #Superbowl

sciville Harrison Ford yelling at his dog to cancel a dog food order. #Superbowl

sciville I tweet the #Superbowl so I can look back at all this later and wonder what I was seeing on this day that made me tweet “And now, mac ‘n’ cheese porn.”.

sciville Not sure what this James Corden thing is, but it’s not the This Is Us family’s house burning down, so I’ll take it. #Superbowl

sciville I watch the #Superbowl every year and even make food for the occasion. But I don’t forget Colin Kaepernick, the serious injuries the players endure, the NFL being shit, my own NFL team’s racist name, the domestic abusers, and the weird ads being wealth displays. Among much else.

sciville Not sure how to reconcile that. Other than that whether I watch or not doesn’t affect any of this. That’s all the answer I really have, which I guess isn’t great, but if nothing else, the silly entertainment of the game doesn’t mean bad stuff is forgotten. #Superbowl

sciville Anyway, Rams fans, you know what to do now. Switch to Animal Planet and watch the puppies. You’ll feel better. #Superbowl

sciville Imagine that Amazon ad with Harrison Ford and the dog, but instead of the dog it’s Chewbacca. #Superbowl

And finally…

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