December 14, 2009

Christmas Voyeur

Filed under: Christmas Time!,Musical Musing,What the hell? — Katrina @ 3:05 pm

Some Christmas songs are so terrible they are worth being griped about multiple times. I speak again about the entity responsible for horrid neuron-genocide known as “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”.

Really, it does the same thing that “Santa Baby” does, in that it actually sort of implicitly sexualizes Santa Claus. In the case of “Santa Baby”, it’s about some chick wanting Santa to hurry down the chimney and bring her presents, and it’s sung in such a tune that those “presents” could be just about anything and certainly not all she wants (giggity). Which is messed up when you figure Santa Claus is like 1700 years old, and unless the singer is supposed to be Mrs. Claus, we’re talking a girl with some major daddy issues.

Then we look at “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”. Here we have Mommy and Jolly Old Saint Nick sharing a passionate kiss under the mistletoe, not knowing they’re being watched. Ooh, naughty! Mommy even tickles Santa Claus under his beard all snowy white. Ah, foreplay. I see where this is going. Even if Mommy is probably the same chick who sings “Santa Baby” and still has the aforementioned issues. In any case, she’s got her wish and is about to get it on with Santa right then and there, with the added kinkiness that someone is watching.

Except, well, that someone is her very young son or daughter! Which, unless you’re a perv, very quickly throws icy water onto the whole scenario and just makes you go “WTF?!”

Oh, sure, the song is from the kid’s point of view, and the little kid isn’t thinking about all that racy stuff, just that it’s funny, so that makes it innocent, right? Nice try.

That doesn’t change the fact that Mommy and Santa Claus, or Daddy dressed up as Santa Claus which the song is probably meant to imply, are about to start plowing each other under the mistletoe while a horrified four-year-old watches, who will from this point on associate Christmas with gut-wrenching terror and probably have a panic attack any time he sees garland. Yay, isn’t this such a great song about the season and totally deserving of the inexplicably frequent radio play it gets?

4 Comments

  1. Why should the kid be scared to see his parents kiss?

    Comment by Alexander — December 14, 2009 @ 8:40 pm

  2. He wouldn’t be. I meant the implied imminent sex. 😛

    Comment by Katrina — December 14, 2009 @ 11:24 pm

  3. The same question applies.

    Comment by Alexander — December 16, 2009 @ 1:33 am

  4. I’m sure most people walked in on their parents at least once.

    Comment by Jessica — December 25, 2009 @ 6:45 pm

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