August 26, 2009

Leave Them Kids Alone

Filed under: 100 Days of Summer,Rants,Shut the Hell Up!,Youth Rights — Katrina @ 4:41 pm

Now for another screaming, yelling edition of…


This time, I’m talking to the asswipes who think it’s so clever and funny to complain that “oh noes, I’m out in public and I hear a little kid crying, parents need to control their kids!” Next person who says that is getting stabbed in the face (or banned from the forums, LOL).

A couple weeks ago, I was out with my mom and my five-year-old brother. I had to go with them to the zoo because my mom is a severe metro n00b, and the type of n00b who thinks she’s an expert which only makes it so much worse, so for their own good, I went with them and had to practically hold her hand through paying the fare and getting the tickets and pointing her to the right stations to go to. Seriously, look at this map, and considering we were going from Twinbrook to Cleveland Park, which as you can see involves no transfers or anything, it’s all that much sadder.

But I digress. After the zoo, we stopped at a small restaurant and ate dinner. My brother of course was talking non-stop and giggling (a little boy seeing zoo animals taking a shit will provide months and months of retelling!) and after a while was tired of eating his food and got up and went wandering around the restaurant. Small place, so he was never out of sight or anything, and there were only like three or four tables and only one other one was even occupied. While the people at the other table never said anything, it was a little obvious they were annoyed that he was there. My mom and I tried asking him to come back and sit down, but he didn’t want to, and he wasn’t hurting anything or even being noisy. He was just there. So we just sort of giggled along with him and left him alone for the most part. I mean, why not?

Yet to many insecure jerkoffs out there, the act that my mom and I committed, of deciding to leave this little boy alone as he *gasp* walked benignly around this small mostly empty restaurant, was an unforgivable mortal sin. She even told me that there were other times she was at a restaurant with him and there were people loudly complaining about his mere presence, saying kids shouldn’t be allowed in the restaurant and that parents need to control their kids better. People think they’re so unique and brave to be speaking up about this “problem”. More accurately, they think they’re so privileged and elite that they ought to be offended that they should be expected to share a, you know, universe with those horrid inferior (by virtue of, oh, a later date of birth) beings called children. You know, given the choice between a five-year-old boy walking around a public place quietly and minding his own business and some stick-up-his-ass 40-something whining like a bitch that the five-year-old boy is there, gee, I wonder which one is being an immature brat and should STFU! 🙄

Listen here, you child-hating fuckwad. You are not in any way entitled wander through life without having to occasionally be near children, or any other group you may dislike for that matter. Oh, some mom has brought her toddler into a bookstore with her and it annoys you to see the little one picking up books and looking at them? That’s YOUR own stupid bigoted problem, asstard! Don’t sit there and act like the mom or the little kid have done anything wrong when YOU are the one with the serious issue here. Don’t like it? Then YOU leave the store and stop acting like children are supposed to be wrapped in straight jackets or hidden from society all the time. You are NOT superior to them. In fact, seeing as you’re the one wishing they’d go away because they’re short and can’t talk or move quite as well as they will later, while the little one is barely even noticing you’re there and certainly not holding any irrational hateful grudges, I think you just slid a few notches down from the one who hate so much.

And it’s always with the excuses and, in the case of the so-called “youth rights supporters” who claim to feel this way (the quotes are because real youth rights supporters don’t hate little kids), there’s always the claims that it’s not ageist bigotry, and that they’d be just as annoyed if an adult were behaving just like the kid. Oh yeah? Adults pick up books at bookstores all the time, just like the little kid you were hating on just a bit ago, and oftentimes leave the books in worse shape than the little kid might have. What if it were a mentally disabled adult, of the sort who pretty much has the mind of a five-year-old, though an adult body? Still hating, you dumbfuck? Then there are the claims that children are inherently disgusting, that they cough and sneeze and fart and stuff. Yeah, adults totally never do those things. Yeah, you’re worried the little kid in the grocery store might touch your cart, and you have nightmares about the mere idea, without a tiniest realization that the guy bagging your groceries just jerked off five minutes ago and knows perfectly well that the Employees Must Wash Hands sign is just that, a sign, and not a cop.

And what’s with being so pissed that little kids are crying? I feel bad when I hear a kid crying, too, but the feeling is because I’m wondering who or what has made him so upset to begin with and wishing he’d feel better from whatever it is. You, on the other hand, give no thought whatsoever to why he’s crying and merely wish to stuff something into his mouth and hopefully knock him unconscious. And, again, you’re supposedly the mature one?

Now I’m not saying the little things small children do now and then can’t get on anyone’s nerves after a bit. But that’s not what this is. You people aren’t getting annoyed because an individual toddler is screaming really loudly near you or anything. You internalize it, even the things that really aren’t all that annoying. This child’s mere existence, and any action she takes that reminds you of her existence, is a deep personal insult to you. She could be sitting at her table with her family and giggling at something, and the hatred inside you will boil and you will wish she was not there, because how dare she, an inferior being (by your own stuck up standards), exist in the same place as you, who’s superior for some reason? You will wish the parents would put a muzzle on her and lead her away from you on a leash, like the dog you are certain she is, because it’s not like she’s human because that would make her the same species as you! Oh noes! Can’t have that! Goodness, you’re all growed up, and you don’t have to stand for being forced to be in the same place as a child anymore, so like the mature superior responsible adult you are, you’ll scream and cry that the little kid is bothering you by being in the same place, whether a restaurant or store or airplane or wherever, and shame her and her parents away, like they are shamed away from many places by your anti-child ilk, by being called bad irresponsible parents and told they should beat the shit out of their little ones for speaking in a public place. Yeah, because child-haters are really the best people to be consulting for parenting advice.

So, yeah, if I’m with my little brother in a restaurant, and he gets up and walks around quietly and minding his own business, and you decide it’s your divine duty to give me or him shit about it, then get ready for me to go all Defensive Big SisterTM on your stupid ass. Or if I ever actually reproduce some day and the same happens with my kid, I’ll go all Defensive MotherTM on your stupid ass. And these aren’t just the ordinary defensive modes but the youth rights versions, so you just know that when I’m through with you, your lunch will have entered your body through more orifices than just your skanky mouth.

Go ahead. Call me irresponsible for not subjecting my little brother to pointless cruel restrictions just because your adult ego and privilege take precedence over his bodily autonomy. Call him a spoiled brat. Call me “too lenient”. I fucking dare you.

This has been Day 95 of the 100 Days of Summer, Round 9.


  1. You are not in any way entitled to wander through life without having to occasionally hear my complaints.

    Comment by Conor Nugent — August 26, 2009 @ 7:14 pm

  2. Hear, hear, Conor.

    You say “real youth rights supporters don’t hate little kids.” If by “little kids” you mean “persons of low age and diminutive stature,” of course they don’t. If you mean “persons who lack either the desire or the capacity to behave with the decorum expected of adults in the same context,” I disagree. I do not see why opposing discrimination according to date of birth commits me to tolerating having anyone, of any age, running around and disturbing the quiet atmosphere of a nice restaurant. Inappropriate behavior may diminish the experience of everyone who appreciates quiet meals and conversation — and that includes those persons of low age and diminutive stature who have the ability and desire to enjoy that atmosphere.

    Query: Would you say that individuals who can’t keep their hands off things should be allowed into an art museum, where they might touch and damage the art? I should hope not. That doesn’t mean you don’t support YR: Obviously, you and I would agree that a person of any age who wishes to look at the art and not touch it should have the same ability to visit the museum and look at the art. But just as one can damage art by touching it, one can damage the experience by being loud or otherwise disruptive. Thus a museum should exclude loud and disruptive persons. Crying in the manner typical of an infant constitutes being loud and disruptive. A 5-year-old who comes in and behaves himself should not be discriminated against. One who comes in, starts crying and won’t stop should be asked to leave and come back when he’s willing and able to enjoy the museum in a manner consonant with others’ enjoyment of the museum.

    Comment by Alexander — August 26, 2009 @ 9:26 pm

  3. Query: Did you miss the part where I clarified that certain loud behaviors and other legitimate annoyances can in fact be annoying and that wasn’t what I was specifically talking about? I’m talking about people to whom even a “behaved” 5-year-old is offensive somehow, and behaved was in quotes because a lot of what many adults consider to be bad behavior isn’t even harmful to anyone or anything but just more the little kid acting in some way differentiating from the adult-centric ideal of the correct way to be, the ideal being to sit down and shut up, to be neither seen nor heard.

    Comment by Katrina — August 26, 2009 @ 11:04 pm

  4. I mostly agree with you, Kat. But, children are sometimes annoying. I have a little sister, for example, who’s so fucking spoled that she thinks it’s alright to do whatever she wants. I wish I could teach her a lesson or two in civility.

    Comment by Robexib — August 27, 2009 @ 12:36 am

  5. I was just thinking about this issue today. At PathMark, my mother and I walked past a woman and her (about) 2yo son in the parking lot. The kid was crying and my mother turned to me and said “That’s why parents should discipline (Yes, hit) their kids early.” She actually thinks people can prevent toddlers from crying by hitting them at early ages. And then she wonders why we don’t get along.

    Comment by JerseyJ — August 27, 2009 @ 10:33 pm

  6. God, I hate noisy kids.

    But I hate noisy adults, too.

    Comment by Lisa Marie — September 28, 2009 @ 12:27 am

  7. I certainly don’t have a problem with little kids just being out in public places. What I do have a problem with is when they are tearing pell mell through a restaurant, getting underfoot and the parents think it’s cute and do nothing to curb it. If they’re just looking around fine, but I’ve seen too many cases of kids tearing through aisles while waitresses are carrying trays of hot food, or of them bothering people who are trying to eat.

    As for bookstores, if the child can act like a quiet, civilized human being, then fine, they are welcome there. But a screaming toddler whose parents do nothing to try to quiet them down is causing a disturbance in a place that is supposed to be quiet so people can read.

    Comment by Silver Fang — October 17, 2009 @ 11:13 am

  8. Lovely article. I do tend to get annoyed when I’m in the presence of children in public, but not because of the children. I can’t stand to see most parents discipline their children, because they never do it fairly or logically. I’ll just be eating at a McDonalds and a family will sit near me and everything’s going perfectly well for them until one child decides it’d be a lovely moment for a brisk walk around the McDonalds or to enjoy the shade under an unoccupied table, and I hear the shrill voice of their mother insist they return to the table as if they were practicing devil worship by leaving it. Often times it takes a few times for the child to comply, one can tell they’re trying to process why their mother gives a shit, and there’s no logical answer to reach. I always find myself wishing they’d have the mental prowess to object. Their strolling around the restaurant is of no bother to me, in fact it can be an inspiring reevaluation of things that are worth finding interesting. However a mother yelling at a child doing nothing makes me want to assassinate people.

    Comment by JoeMcCarthy — June 10, 2010 @ 9:50 am

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Sorry, the comment form is closed. Go away.

Powered by WordPress