February 14, 2009

Mmmm, Candy Hearts 4

Filed under: What the hell? — Katrina @ 7:21 pm

Another Valentine’s Day has come upon us, so here is another lecture for all you semi-happy couples out there for you to know that YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!!!

Why? Because you people can’t just simply let the relationship be one part of your lives. You seem to think you have to give your entire life to the relationship! And when you do that, you’re going to have a bad time.

For example, if your significant other is a vegetarian, do you feel obligated to become one yourself (whether or not your partner requests it)? If your answer to that question is yes, then YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.

If your significant other doesn’t like the color of your shirt or some accessory you always wear, do you then stop wearing it? If so, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.

If you have a friend that your significant other dislikes for whatever reason and forbids you to see that friend anymore, do you stop seeing that friend? If so, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.

Trouble is, as I pointed out in the first Mmmm, Candy Hearts entry three years ago, there are people who are so afraid of being alone that they’ll take whatever they can get. And that’s a one-way ticket to a series of very bad relationships with losers, as also pointed out in that entry. So because of their fear of being alone, they make themselves slaves to their partners. And no quality significant other would want to be with someone like that, so the enslaved ones only get stuck with the selfish.

This doormat might think they’re preserving the relationship by being wrapped around the other one’s finger, but two things are happening that will serve only to kill the relationship at best, or lead to a miserable long-term relationship. One is that the more the weaker one gives and gives to the other person, the partner doesn’t value it. They don’t see it as a bonus, a gift. They expect it. They expect it and see no reason to reciprocate and thus don’t have much respect for the other. The other thing that happens is that the weaker one eventually realizes that he/she has given so much for the other person and has received little to nothing in return. Then the whining begins. “How could you do this to me? I’ve done so much for you!”

Or, loser, you could have just not given so much and changed so much about yourself for this other person, because anyone who’d do that or expect you to do that isn’t worth having!

Ever heard of “what’s yours is yours and what’s mine is mine”? Good philosophy. Apply it to your relationship. If you can keep as much of yourself intact as possible, then to each other you’d be a bonus, a good thing, rather than a crushing obligation to each other. The second the two make it apparent that they truly need each other in any way, then shit will go bad.

Here’s another one. “I don’t give a rat’s ass what you think. I like it!” That’s what I told my mom to tell my dad whenever he starts making snide remarks about a show she might be watching or a kind of beer she’s drinking. It’s good advice!

Don’t be mean. Just stand your ground. You’re two separate people with different interests who happen to enjoy spending time with each other. There are times I’ve wondered just what the difference is between a romantic relationship and being “friends with benefits”. Ideally, I’m not sure there should be a difference. The latter seems to be able to last FAR longer and be of much higher quality.

Oh, well. Mysteries of human interaction.

I’ll sit here and enjoy my candy hearts some more. And if I had a boyfriend, I’d still be sitting here enjoying my candy hearts, whether it bothered him or not. Because I don’t give a rat’s ass what he thinks. I like it! 😀

6 Comments

  1. I hate people who try to control their significant other’s friends and demand that they stay away from certain people. I know I resent being forced to choose between two people, and would choose against the person making me choose.

    Comment by Adamantaimai — February 15, 2009 @ 12:20 am

  2. From TFA:
    For example, if your significant other is a vegetarian, do you feel obligated to become one yourself (whether or not your partner requests it)? If your answer to that question is yes, then YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.
    ~~
    I would add: UNLESS you live together. In that case, making only one vegetarian meal saves money and time, and therefore DOES make sense. However, the same applies to roommates.

    Comment by maxh — February 21, 2009 @ 10:45 am

  3. Um, no, because it’s pretty rare that any two or more people would have the exact same tastes in food, or even medically-important individual dietary needs, to merit eating the exact same thing all the time. And roommates don’t generally have meals together unless they’re very close. But, in any case, since you mentioned it’d be a time and money issue, then right there it isn’t an issue of trying to change yourself just to please the other person, as I was talking about.

    Comment by Katrina — February 21, 2009 @ 6:26 pm

  4. Just trying to prevent people not going the easy way and sharing a meal just because “ZOMG TEH SCIVILLE SAID SO”.

    Comment by maxh — February 22, 2009 @ 12:35 am

  5. There’s a different between becoming a vegetarian and eating a vegetarian meal. You can cook vegetarian for both to save money, but you can then still have a burger later.

    Comment by Nulono — February 22, 2009 @ 9:07 pm

  6. Mmmm… relationship advice from Kat. It’s like gobbling up oodles of lolwutstfunoob stew 😉

    Comment by Lord Galen — March 7, 2009 @ 4:45 am

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