Sure, Why Not?

Now for an industrial, career-oriented session of…

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

It’s a cute little bit of “advice” often given: find a career you love and you’ll never work a day in your life. It’s often told to young people to encourage them to choose enjoyable careers. And, like most things commonly told to youth, it’s utter bullcrap.

Doing something for money has a strange effect on you, no matter how much you might normally enjoy that something. It still becomes work. Your job could be testing water slides and shooting off fireworks and eating ice cream, but everyday you’d still be grudgingly getting up to go all like “ugh, another day, got to go down another damn water slide and shoot off another damn firework and if I see one more spoon of ice cream, I’ll puke”.
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So this snowman just comes to life once some magic hat gets put on his head. Pretty cool. He’s all happy and laughing and dancing around.

But then comes a day that is a bit warmer. Alive and ambulatory and sentient though he may be, he is still somehow made entirely of snow, and his very existence is threatened by the gradual rising of the mercury.

How does Frosty the Snowman cope with this inevitability?

So he said let’s run, let’s have some fun, before I melt away.

You’re going to die, and soon, so what do you do? Shrug it off and just keep having fun! Good advice.

So I was watching Charlie Brown’s Christmas last night and noticed something. What’s the “moral” to the story? The thing about Linus telling about Jesus and all. Perhaps. My dad sure likes to talk about how great it is that it focuses on Jesus like that, taking the time to go into another ignorant diatribe about how “the Jews are making it illegal to mention Jesus!”.

But the story continued after Linus’s soliloquy. Charlie Brown was now smiling as he took the tree out of the auditorium, and then came the real moral to the story, one that rings true for a lot of people during the holiday season. When he said this line: “I’m not going to let all this commercialism ruin MY Christmas!”
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I hereby decree…

Innocence is killing kids!

That’s right. You heard me.

Just what is this childhood innocence? What is this concept of innocence all adults collectively cling to and beset their children with? Honestly, I’m not sure anyone really knows.

Oh, well, surely I must be nuts, right? Why burden young children with the truths of the adult world? Why can’t they enjoy their young lives while they still can, in the bliss of ignorance?
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I was on vacation in Disney World a few weeks ago, visited all four of its parks during the trip. Second day I was at the Hollywood Studios park (formerly MGM) and went to ride the Tower of Terror and Aerosmith’s Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster. The Aerosmith ride line was kind of long so I instead kept going through the Tower of Terror, with a much shorter and faster moving line. (Also helped that going to Disney World in November is like the best time since there are significantly fewer people than other times of the year!)

Tower of Terror is basically your average 12-story drop ride. But it’s like a spooky hotel and a haunted elevator, made out to be like a Twilight Zone episode. Pretty cool.
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Ah, speed cameras. Not a problem if you’re like me and know to watch for them. Then I slow way the hell down to a crawl while passing them, with cars behind me surely getting angry but, well, I’m doing this for their own good.

Except I did get caught by one earlier this year because it was hidden in a parked car. So I received a lovely photo of the back of my car and was out $40. Meh.

Anyway, the other day, saw this article come over NYRA’s youth rights news wire.
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So just a bit ago I was at the post office to stamp and send the first batch of NYRA’s holiday cards (yay!). Needed to buy a buttload of stamps first so I went to this service machine since I couldn’t use the regular stamp vending machine since I had no cash and had to use my debit card.

Went to the machine, swiped card, ordered five books of stamps, etc. Then it was waiting to dispense the stamps. Then it had a message on the screen.

“I’m dispensing your stamps. Please wait.”

…

I don’t like the sound of that “I’m”. Do you know what this means? We have machines in our post offices that are self-aware.

Where shall it go from here?

What’s with people who scream? I don’t mean in like major anger or pain or terror. Just in general.

I was in Walt Disney World a few weeks ago, riding all the awesome rides like normal, and sure enough you’ve got chicks screaming their heads off during the ride. Don’t really get it.

I don’t scream. I’m trying to enjoy a ride and don’t fancy giving myself a sore throat. Is screaming supposed to be fun? I’ve tried it. Not for me.

You people are crazy. And noisy!

Whose dumbass idea was it that we have to eat three full-sized meals per day, whereas snacking is discouraged?

You know who has the right idea? The Greeks. And some other Mediterranean cultures (take your pick, very little difference). Specifically the concept of “mezze”. They’re like appetizers, but a lot of them, different ones. Some dolmathakia here. Some melitzanosalata and some pita bread there… Okay, fine, rather, some stuffed grape leaves here and some eggplant dip with pita bread there… *mutters something about uncultured swine*
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Over on SnipeMe, we believe a lot of things that are quite, well, out there. It all makes sense anyway.

Or, well, most of it. Certainly not all.

I wander over there one day all like “hai, u guise!” in my normal way. “Dude, I heard about this 17-year-old girl who got raped by her uncle. But at least they caught that sick fucktard and he’s rotting in prison taking it up the ass from his inmate.”

The Snipers seem less than amused. “What, just because she’s 17 that makes it rape?”

So I’m like “No, it’s rape because it’s rape.”
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I hate to kick off the December montage of entries with something so disgusting, in a time of year that is supposed to be happy and joyful, but, well, there are a lot of things I hate. This is pretty high up on the list.

Girl Punched Dad During Spanking

CRESTVIEW, Fla. — A 16-year-old Florida girl who hit her father when he tried to spank her has been charged with misdemeanor domestic battery.

An Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office report said the father told a deputy that he was attempting to spank the girl when she turned around and struck him in the face with her fist.

The report said she tried to hit him several more times before leaving with friends.

Both father and daughter said the argument started over an item that had been broken. She acknowledged that when he went to spank her, she punched him, the report said.

….

Do I even need to point out everything that is very WRONG with this scenario?
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