December 26, 2008

Stupidity Is Forever

Filed under: Christmas Time!,Estrogen,You Suck — Katrina @ 11:39 pm

Now for a super concentrated, sparkly edition of…


What is this obsession over diamond jewelry? What is with this cult-like indoctrination that all women ever want as a gift is diamonds?

It’s bad enough having to see the mind-numbing jewelry store commercials all the time. Oh, he went to Jared? Translation, he gave a blowjob to a guy named Jared to afford the $20,000 bracelet he just bought you.

Seriously. That’s how much this stuff costs. It is mind boggling that so much money, more than the price of many cars, buys you what is essentially a shiny carbon glob.

Can you eat diamonds? No. Can diamonds transport you anywhere? No. Can diamonds keep you warm in a blizzard? No. Are diamonds the least bit entertaining? No.

So… how the hell can they be worth twenty fucking thousand dollars?!

You know what you can get with $20,000?

Well, as mentioned already, you can buy a car. That amount would cover the entire cost of my car anyway, no payments or anything.

It could be a down payment on a home, and depending on where you live could either be a very mediocre one or a decent one.

It could pay for one year of college, give or take. My college, would have covered my whole time there.

It could buy enough food to feed you for about eight years.

It could buy you about 10,000 gallons of gasoline.

It could go to any number of worthy charities and causes, such as:
-Muscular dystrophy, to get wheelchairs for those poor kids and buy all the very expensive lab stuff needed so they can keep researching for a cure.
-ASPCA, to help some poor cute animals find loving homes and be treated right
-Save the Children, to feed all those starving kids in this country and elsewhere
-Wikipedia, because it’s a good project, damn it!
-Some inner city school system to give poor ghetto kids a decent chance at education and getting ahead
-And, of course, NYRA, so our nation’s youth can be better respected and represented and able to control their own lives (and to watch Alex squeal and pass out upon receiving the check!).

But, goodness, no, you can’t be expected to blow that wad on anything that’s, oh… practical. Instead, just spend it on a chain of rocks to wear on your wrist. 🙄

I mean, that’s what all the propaganda says! Women only want diamonds. They don’t want electronics or cars (unless it’s a Lexus) or anything that’s the least bit useful or entertaining or even interesting. She just wants to be treated like a brainless, illogical Princess, because that’s all she is apparently. She doesn’t want anything even remotely intellectually stimulating. Just give her something shiny. Because if you don’t spend your life savings to buy her a goddamn rock, then you don’t love her! Oh noes! And you’ll never get laid again because everyone knows that women do not enjoy sex and only do it to please their men. Oh, say it ain’t so!

Because relationships aren’t excruciatingly annoying and complicated already.


  1. Lulzy.
    It is win.

    Comment by Newtown — December 27, 2008 @ 9:00 pm

  2. And most diamond gifts are just another form of prostitution anyway.

    Comment by Adamantaimai — December 27, 2008 @ 10:34 pm

  3. ^That’s why I always say we should skip the middleman.

    Comment by Agnapostate — December 29, 2008 @ 1:09 am

  4. Not to mention you can’t get them used because “Diamonds are forever.”!

    Comment by Junulo — December 29, 2008 @ 9:53 am

  5. All depends on how much money you have. IF you’re like me, then buying a $20,000 piece of jewelry would be painfully retarded. If you’re like Bill Gates, then buying a $20,000 piece of jewelry would be like me buying my wife a Happy Meal – it’s nothing. Damn I wish I had Gates’ money 🙁

    Comment by Lord Galen — December 30, 2008 @ 4:17 am

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Sorry, the comment form is closed. Go away.

Powered by WordPress