December 22, 2008

Die Hippo!

Filed under: Christmas Time!,Musical Musing,Rants — Katrina @ 11:10 pm

It is one of my sincerest wishes that whoever came up with that awful song “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” should be tied down and stabbed in the ears with a long sword. That way, they’ll know how the rest of us feel whenever the song comes on the radio. I wish a similar penalty for whoever decided to put it on the air to begin with.

I mean, what the hell? It’s a horrid thing to hear and it’s just trying to sound all “cutesy” because the little kid is saying the whole word “hippopotamus” and that it sort of rhymes with Christmas. Not to mention it’s a ridiculous thing to want as a gift. On all counts, it’s right up there on the annoyance level of “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth”.

Speaking of horrid Christmas songs, why do so many artists do “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”? Again, mind numbing song. A lot of these songs are featured on my Bottom Ten Christmas songs list I made three years ago. Once when I’ve mentioned how horrible and annoying these songs are, I get people saying things like “what do you expect? they’re made for kids”. Uh, yeah, I have never met a kid who actually liked any of these “kidsy” Christmas songs. So, like just about all things that are classified as being for kids, what it actually means is it is what a group of adults who know nothing about kids (read: most adults) deciding what kids like based on their own spurious stereotypes.

And whoever keeps playing songs by the Jackson 5 also needs to be shot.

Also, could you people give it a rest with playing “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”? That song is terrible. It came in #3 on the aforementioned bottom ten list, and even as I said there, it makes kind-hearted Santa Claus out to be some stalkerish asshole. Adults all over are taking a wonderful legend like Santa Claus and turning it into sadistic blackmail against their young children. Santa Claus doesn’t give a shit how you behave! Everyone deserves Christmas. Instead, they’re turning a joyous season into a perverted mindfuck for all the young ones. Christmas is a gift in and of itself and gifts are unconditional.

But that hippo needs to fucking die.

1 Comment

  1. The only version of “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth” that I like is the one where Scrooge comes and mocks the singer. 😀

    Comment by Agnapostate — December 23, 2008 @ 1:56 am

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