What Happened to Jane?
Where did she go? In the kindergarten class, there was Jane sitting at her table, which she shared with two other girls named Margaret and Elizabeth, and three boys named Anthony, Phillip, and Timothy.
Jane played jump rope with Susan, who had a sister in the third grade named Rebecca. Susan worked on her art project with Karen, who sat next to Dennis in class. Dennis played with the blocks during recess, along with Edward and Martin.
What happened to Jane and other girls with nice powerful, feminine names? Where’s Elizabeth, Margaret, Susan, Rebecca, and Karen? Where’s Julia, Ellen, Vivian, Helen, Mary, Ruth, Joan, Veronica, Catherine, Monica, Carla, Rose, Louise, Denise, Francine, Bernadette, Josephine, Geraldine, Sophia, Olivia, Claire, Lucy, Jacqueline, Michelle, Rachel, Danielle, Evelyn, Pamela, Erin, Victoria, Antonia, Charlotte, Lillian, Natalie, Paula, Laura, Sarah, Isabel, Irene, Anne, Gabrielle, Marcie, Melinda, Christine, Stephanie, Caroline, Claudia, Abigail, Janine, and Sylvia?
What, do you think these all sound like “old lady” names? Some of them anyway? Please. These are perfectly nice dignified feminine names that seem to fall through the cracks. What names are girls being given now?
In the kindergarten class, there is Morgan, sitting at her table with two other girls named Riley and Haley, and three boys named Tyler, Jaden, and Blaine.
Morgan plays jump rope with Taylor, who has a sister in the third grade named Madison. Taylor worked on her art project with Bailey, who sits next to Connor in class. Connor plays with the blocks during recess, along with Logan and Hunter.
WTF is this shit? What are these names that so many children are being stuck with? Do these parents think it’s cute? Do they really not realize they are giving this name to someone who will some day be a grown man or woman? Seriously, I can’t picture adults with some of these names.
What’s with these girls’ names? What is with Morgan, Riley, Haley, Taylor, Madison, and Bailey? Who decided these are good names for little girls? Think of a grown woman having to work professionally, and having to walk around introducing herself as one of these loser names. Look at some of the other names. Kelsey, Kennedy, Tenley, Mackenzie, Jordan, Parker. These names are made of fail! Give your daughters real names, idiots! Don’t just grab onto a random Irish last name or the last name of a former President, and think “oh, lulz, I’ll give this name to my baby girl!” These are last names and they aren’t the least bit feminine or dignified! Sounds like you’re naming your dog, and despite what a frighteningly high number of people seem to think, dogs and kids are not the same!
What’s really sad is that these parents think they’re being unique, but every other parent is also naming their poor daughter Taylor, so that name has been in like the top ten most common girls’ names for several years! And what moron thinks this name is a name for a girl anyway? It’s not pretty. It’s not feminine. It’s just androgynous fail. Next parent who names their kid Taylor is getting set on fire.
Same deal with boys names. WTF is this shit? What is with Tyler, Jaden, Blaine, Connor, Logan, and Hunter? What’s with Ryder, Tanner, Palmer, Parker, Preston, Blake, Mason, Cody, Garrett, and Tucker? These are last names! These names aren’t the least bit masculine or the least bit dignified. These names are crap and fail.
So what happened to Anthony, Phillip, Timothy, Dennis, Edward, and Martin? What happened to Patrick, Thomas, William, Daniel, Robert, Richard, Edmund, Joseph, Albert, Michael, Gabriel, Christopher, Peter, Alexander, Andrew, Matthew, Paul, Luke, John, James, Kenneth, Lawrence, George, Abraham, Adrian, Arnold, Armand, Nathaniel, Gregory, Walter, Doug, Alphonse, Nicholas, Ronald, Charles, David, Adam, Jonathan, Arthur, Bernard, Harry, Benjamin, Mark, Theodore, Henry, Vincent, Jeffrey, Benedict, Cecil, Gerald, Stephen, Roderick, Simon, Oliver, and Samuel?
What, do you think these all sound like “old fashioned names”? Or are some of them too common? Please. Plenty of them are normal names yet don’t get used much. These are dignified masculine names. They beat the ass out of the pussy sad little names boys sometimes get given these days.
Many good names are still very well in use. No question about that. But, goodness, some of these other names! Parents think they’re being creative, but they’re really being very stupid. And still conformist even though they think they aren’t. What do they have to show for it? A kid with a stupid name. Give your kids real names, idiots.
What the hell? I hear names like those all the time. And shit like Eleanor, Gretchen, and Harriet sounds retarded anyway. As does Benedict, Cecil, and Montgomery. I mean, Mr. Burns’s name is Montgomery.
Comment by Agnapostate — March 15, 2008 @ 11:45 pm
Those aren’t retarded! Besides, Benedict and Cecil were the only ones I actually mentioned.
Comment by Katrina — March 16, 2008 @ 12:21 am
Leave it to you to go after the specific names I mentioned.
I was generalizing about names from a specific time era.
Comment by Agnapostate — March 16, 2008 @ 3:22 pm
I’m not saying what people should and shouldn’t name their kids, but I do agree “real girl” names sound much prettier. I’ve always said I’d name any daughter of mine Idina (not quite made up. Idina Menzel has the original name, but it comes from Ida), and any son will be Maurice(pronounced Morris).
Comment by Lisa Marie — March 16, 2008 @ 4:58 pm
You’ve said that there’s nothing wrong with femininity, and you’re absolutely right about that. I like femininity. But do names of females have to be feminine? If there’s nothing wrong with femininity, there’s certainly also nothing wrong with a lack of femininity. And this is true for females, males, and sundry in-betweens/others.
Comment by Adamantaimai — March 16, 2008 @ 6:33 pm
No BBCode? Fail.
Comment by Adamantaimai — March 16, 2008 @ 6:33 pm
No BBCode, but limited HTML.
Comment by Katrina — March 16, 2008 @ 10:33 pm
Don’t forget those stencil names like “Lamiquah”, etc.!
Comment by Junulo — March 18, 2008 @ 2:44 pm
I tend to see a great deal of very unique names in my line of work. I see just as many “old fashioned” names as new-fangled fucktard names. And some of the new names ARE, in fact, feminine and cute. They are so because the girls I’ve known with those names have been plenty “girly” and cute, thus I associate those names with cuteness and girliness. Names like “Taylor” for example. It can be a boy’s or girl’s name, but I always associate it with a girl and think it’s a sissy name for a boy. That’s a matter of personal perspective.
No, the trouble isn’t really with this “new” names (they’re not new, btw, just uncommon in previous generations). The real problem is these parents who make up completely NEW names (legitimately new)! Like, omg, here’s my baby I’ll just name her Flusaria or some shit! Just throwing syllables together so that they sound “musical” or “cute” DOES NOT MAKE A NAME!
Comment by Lord Galen — March 19, 2008 @ 11:35 pm