February 14, 2008

Mmmm, Candy Hearts 3

Filed under: What the hell? — Katrina @ 8:35 pm

Oh, Lord, I seem to have a V-Day tradition on here now! Me, of all people! 😆

Anyway, just like the last two years, I’ve got some relationship-related griping to do. It’s something I’d been thinking about recently, and it comes down to one thing about them that is annoying as hell and I just don’t get.

Why the hell does it have to be so complicated?

Maybe it’s a cultural thing. Different aspects of the relationship have different importance, and the varying importance between even the two people involved can also be an issue.

My coworker is going to get married this summer. She went home to India around Christmas and returned a few weeks ago and told us she was now engaged. She’s had to deal with a lot of people being all like “is this an arranged marriage? do you even know him?” and she assures them “it’s not arranged, it’s totally our choice, I’ve known him for years”. Cool!

Then I got to thinking. It looks so simple. She’s known this guy for years, they started dating (sort of, long distance!) sometime last year, and not long thereafter they decided to get married. They’re both very happy about it. They love each other. And that is it!

My grandparents, back in 1948, got married when they hadn’t even known each other a year yet. They started dating, and only a month after that got engaged, and the wedding was several months later. They were married for 31 years, right up until my grandfather died of pancreatic cancer in 1979.

I mean, the complications are always there. But maybe some people manage to not let them matter so much.

Yet so often they are given the most importance. I don’t understand it. You’ve got couples who would be together for over five years and never get married, just wind up splitting as if it were only five months. You’ve got marriages that divorce after like 25 years. How the HELL does that even happen? You’ve been going that long already. You’re so much a part of each other’s lives. Makes no sense.

Or maybe I do know what it is. Should know, because when I think about my own fear of commitment (an admittedly silly fear seeing as I’m so FAR from being in that situation!), it’s centered on this one issue. It’s the question of who’s “the one”. Really want this person for the long haul? Will we hate each other in ten years? The love is there, but is it there enough? Compatible enough? Is the feeling mutual?

Of course, maybe the trick is to just not worry about all that. Those are the complications, all the second-guessing and induced doubts.

Yet you have these relationships that go on for many years but still fall apart. They insist you must go for a long time before even thinking about marriage, but that doesn’t seem to help. You still have couples together for like 8 years, they get married finally, and they’re filing for divorce after like six months.

Maybe it’s one of those “don’t think about it, just do it” things. Of course, not everyone can do that, and not everyone is so lucky.

Then I think of it another way. I’ve had my Hyundai Elantra almost a year now. Am I as excited these days about having it as I was when I first got it? Nah. Novelty wears off after a while. That’s normal. Am I happy with it? Of course. Riding the bus is made of epic ass and fail. Do I wish I had gone with the Ford Focus or Mazda 3 instead? Do I have any intention of selling this car and getting one of those? No and no! I love my car. The love just changes over time, but it’s still there.

My job even. I’ve been at this place almost two years. Do I particularly love my job? Meh, depends what’s going on. Would I call it a dream job by any stretch of the imagination? No. Do I want to quit and/or get a different job? The answer is no. This job is serving its purpose and fulfilling my needs at this time. Finding another job or being without one would be a gigantic pain in the ass, and I really don’t need it. What if some amazing, higher paying, more enjoyable job came along, and I got an offer? Would I take it? Well, that’s a pretty big “if”. How would I really know for sure how much better it is until I actually took it? Would that even actually happen? So that’s really a moot point.

Maybe it’s just a matter of finding what makes you very happy and fulfilled, and letting inertia take its course. Perhaps it really is that simple.

*sits alone and content, munches candy hearts*

1 Comment

  1. I think the “self-fulfilling prophecy” theory is a good one.

    Comment by Adamantaimai — February 15, 2008 @ 3:46 pm

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